To think this isn't ok??!

[SpearMintPolos]

Got another thread going atm with this topic added on the end but I thought it might get more traffic on a new one.

Ex has regular contact with our young DS once a week for approx 9 hours. For the last 5 weeks (including today) he has returned DS in soaking wet clothes where his nappy has leaked (wee) He brings DS straight in and changes his nappy although I can see when I open the door that DS is soaked. Ex is always adamant he changes him before he leaves to bring him back (which is usually anything from 20-60 mins away as he always takes him to extended family members)

This isn't normal is it?! I've pointed out how unfair it is that DS has to sit in soaking clothes and said he must not be putting the nappy on right to which he just replies 'well I changed him before we left x place' I've now told him he has to take/keep the clothes and wash them himself cause DS always comes back with soiled clothes in some way 😫^^

Any tips/advice? Thank you!!

Is it an excuse to come into your home perhaps?

Ohhh RandomMess, nothing gets pass you

@RandomMess I can see why you would say that - but legally it's still his home too - he still has a key but still knocks to be let in which I requested cause y'know, boundaries....

Do they do the Easy Up style nappies in your son's size? They are the ones that are pants shaped, it isn't possible to put those on incorrectly.

But ya know it's away of pushing boundaries...

How old is DS?

Is he embarrassed at his failure to put the nappy on properly?

It does smack of him wanting to remind you that it is still his house too.

It's hard to explain - but I think when he puts the nappies on (DS is fairly regularly but he's been changing nappies since he was born so it's not like he's new to it/inexperienced) they kind of tuck into DS's bum cheek - and from a background of childcare I know the pull ups/pants do that too so DS would be no better off.

A few weeks back ex asked me what nappies DS has and I told him but he went out and bought different ones anyway. He says he's now come to the end of those so will go out and get the right ones but I'm sick of it for DSs (and my washing machines!) Sake it's not fair on anyone although I've sent him with the vest and trousers and told him he can wash them! Surely it's not hard to learn how to put a nappy on for an hour so it doesn't leak? I mean the whole bottom half of the vest and whole bum area of his trousers are really soaked every time

It is completely unreasonable btw!! I would point out to him that he is consistently demonstrating that his are of DS is inadequate and at some point you are going to have acknowledge it and stop him having him and speak to SS...

I assume it's only happening once a day though which is why it's so odd...

Hmmm is a family member changing the nappy?

he still has a key but still knocks to be let in which I requested cause y'know, boundaries....

Well, either he's found a manipulative way to win one over you on that front by forcing you to have to let him inside every time, or he's neglectful.

When ds picks dgs up he is freshly changed - 45 mins in the car to my house he is soaked through. Jeans, top, socks the lot.
Just saying.

Does he use one of your nappies when he changes him? Is it possible he’s not changing his nappy all day to avoid the cost?

Difficult to say. I have a flood wette who could drench a nappy. Could it be compression while in the carseat? If everything else is ok it's not something I'd make a huge fuss about.

Well DS is with me the other 6 days a week and is fine and there's no other dirty/wet clothes in his bag so it's just when he's bringing him back/in the evening. They are Defo his nappies not mine I don't send him with any cause ex insisted he go out and get all his own stuff for him so all I send him with is clothes etc

Is he getting nappy rashes? Unless it is causing particular issues I think all the waves is right maybe let this one go.

He will be out of nappies soon enough and toilet training will bring a whole other world of issues!!

@Dollymixture22 omg ex and toilet training 😫😫😫😫

Is Ex making sure DS’s penis points down when he puts his nappy on? If my DS’s penis pointed up, he was much more likely to flood a nappy. Hope that makes sense.

Do you drive ds anywhere? Might as be distressed on the car journey? Clutching at straws here because it seems bizarre.
Although it's annoying, if the reason is as random suggests, why not just take ds in and sort him out yourself without comment, thus not allowing ex to cross your boundaries by subterfuge.

@Starlings27 I completely get what you mean I'm not sure - as I said the way ex carries him in means I can see his wet clothes straight away and he just comes in and changes him.... his bum is so red and sore looking

Taking DS at the door although I get the reasoning as the point of it still won't change the leaky nappies soaking wet clothes and sore skin

Poor DS! It's very annoying. How old is he? It does seem weird if he's less than an hour away in the car.

Is your ex giving him a large amount of drink in one go, rather than offering smaller cups throughout the day? Reminds me of when my in-laws used to give DS a large Fruit Shoot (because "he likes it and it's got vitamin C in" )rather than the sippy beaker of water I'd send. DS would guzzle the lot in a few minutes because he liked the sugary taste and then pee like a horse on the journey home, soaking his clothes and the car seat. Every.Bloody.Time.

Sore skin isn't caused by leaking nappies. It is caused by wet nappies being left on too long.

Unless your DS's skin is usually sore, your ex is lying to you.

I wonder is it’s a issue with the car seat, maybe the harness is cutting into the nappy causing it to leak? Surely it must be a pain for your ex having to wash the car seat weekly, so it would be in his interests to resolve the issue

@Homemadearmy it was only today I literally said to him 'that's enough you can wash it now' before it was me so he didn't care...

DS is unusually lucky with his skin but today especially his bum is so red. I've taken pics to keep a note of it but still.

There have been conversations in the past about how much ex gives him to drink but it was never a big deal - I mentioned it when DS first started leaking and said make sure you don't give him too much in one go and he just said 'oh yeah ok I'll make sure I don't give him too much'

I just don't know what to do next if it carries on. I did have a go at him today tho - I let it go the first 4 times!!

Does the nappy that your ex puts on your son, when he changes him at your house after bringing him home wet, also leak...?