To not want to celebrate my 40th

[GraceMarks]

I'm going to be 40 soon. I am single, live alone, and have no children. My circumstances are partly through choice but also partly because I've been unlucky with my health and in the men I've met. I mean, if I'd been desperate for marriage and kids, I could have done it but it wasn't a priority.

Most of the time I'm happy with the way my life is, but sometimes, when I spend time with friends who made different choices, I come away feeling inadequate. I feel increasingly like I have little in common with the ones who got married and have children, and the ones who stayed single but put everything into having a high-flying career.

People have started asking me what I'm doing for my 40th. What I actually want to do is completely ignore it and carry on as normal! I simply don't want to mark the occasion. To me, it's just a big reminder of everything I haven't done and all the life milestones I've failed to achieve.

AIBU to want to tell people not to send me cards or birthday wishes? Or will I look weird and bitter?

I could have written this. I have the week off work and am trying to find a cheap holiday away from everywhere.

Depends. What do you usually do for your birthday on a non milestone birthday? If you usually have a fairly quiet day I don't expect your friends will think it odd this year.

RubyFlint my friends are used to my not celebrating birthdays but I think they're surprised that I'm not doing it differently this time. I don't know why 40 is supposed to be such a big deal but they're all having big get-togethers and inviting everyone they've ever known. They just don't understand why I don't want to but if I start trying to explain they start to look panicked and tell me I'm "being silly". I was actually starting to think I really was abnormal but this thread has reassured me there are lots of others who feel the same. I shall be confident to stand my ground now.

I turned 40 earlier this year, I kept on getting asked what do I want to do? I kept saying nothing! Regardless of what I have or have not achieved in my 40 years, I just did not want to celebrate (last time I “celebrated” was my 21st) and people should respect your wishes. I got forced to go out in the end and whilst it was lovely to see everyone I really didn’t enjoy myself. It’s such a tough one but it is down to absolute personal choice. Have a long think about it and then say what you plan or not plan to do and ask them to respect your wishes, there’s nothing going on it’s just your choice!