Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be selfish?

28 replies

autumnandcoffee · 08/09/2018 08:32

And have a baby, even though things aren’t really ideal?

It probably is selfish. But I want a baby so much Sad

OP posts:
WhatAmISupposedToBeDoing · 08/09/2018 08:33

How 'not ideal' are we talking here?

Original poster
autumnandcoffee · 08/09/2018 08:34

Single, old, skint Grin

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 08/09/2018 08:35

You haven't given enough information for anyone to pass judgment. If you are planning to have a baby through sperm donation and are financially in a good place then probably not. If you are in an unhappy relationship but think you can put up with it so you can have a baby then probably yes.

Dulra · 08/09/2018 08:36

Rarely a perfect time to have a baby go for it. Why is it selfish? You want a baby that you'll love, care for, nurture that's all kids need. Best of luck

Doyoumind · 08/09/2018 08:36

Cross post.

How old and how skint?

RedDwarves · 08/09/2018 08:37

Do you already have children?

Singlenotsingle · 08/09/2018 08:42

Why dont you try fostering? Age isn't a problem, you'd have young people to care for, and it would help solve your skintness. Grin

DannyWallace · 08/09/2018 08:51

When you say old, how old?
When you say skint, how skint? Will the baby have a roof over its head, clothes, food and everything else it needs to be safe?
And of course...how are you planning on falling pregnant? Is there a man who wants to be involved or will you find a donor?

Original poster
autumnandcoffee · 08/09/2018 09:06

Single - I do work full time, and fostering isn’t for me, it isn’t comparable to having your own ... worthy thing to do of course. Smile

I’d find a donor danny

OP posts:
Giantsquid · 08/09/2018 09:08

Probably wouldn’t no. Single parent to a donor child by choice is probably not a great idea.

Doyoumind · 08/09/2018 09:19

If you are working and earn enough so that your child won't be living in poverty I don't see a problem. You could have a happy child who is loved.

mimibunz · 08/09/2018 09:20

Is it just a baby you want or do you actually want a child?

BitchQueen90 · 08/09/2018 09:24

What kind of support system do you have? Good family, friends?

Would you be able to afford childcare when you're at work etc?

Singlenotsingle · 08/09/2018 09:30

Surely you have to think of the baby, not just yourself? Fatherless, probably an only child; you say you're skint so you wouldn't have spare money for all the little luxuries that kids need; would it have grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins? Is there family to support you? A baby isn't the answer to all life's problems OP. It could be just the beginning! Shock

Nikephorus · 08/09/2018 09:33

Surely you have to think of the baby, not just yourself?
This ^^. If people did this instead of thinking about their own wants then there would be fewer children with crap lives.

Original poster
autumnandcoffee · 08/09/2018 09:54

I’d be able to afford childcare, yes. No support network to speak of.

OP posts:
cookiesandchocolate · 08/09/2018 10:02

If you can afford it OP then yes do it.

Do you own your own home- could you continue to pay the mortgage on a reduced salary?

If you pay rent, could you continue?

Would you have to return to work and if so, could you afford the childcare.

Do you have a support network?

I only say these things because you posted on AIBU asking and I think these are valid points, however people don't always consider these when starting a family.

Circumstances do change after a baby too, my OH and I lost everything when I was pregnant with DC2, no money, job or house. With the help of benefits we slowly built ourselves back up and are now sufficient and no longer in receipt of them.

I say this because, even though it may never seem to be an ideal time to have a child, you shouldn't put it off if that's what you want. If you were rich and had a partner, you could still lose everything and not be able to provide. It happens. Go with your gut and if you want a child that badly, then do it

easyandy101 · 08/09/2018 10:05

If you see it as selfish then it probably is and being selfish is never reasonable

BitchQueen90 · 08/09/2018 10:08

I think not having a support system could make things difficult. I'm a single parent and still find it difficult at times even though my DS has an involved father and my family are great.

If this is your only chance to have a child and it's what you really want then do it. But be prepared for the reality.

There are plenty of children that end up fatherless just because they have shit dads and I include myself in that. I was not an unhappy child because I had a loving mother and family.

Original poster
autumnandcoffee · 08/09/2018 10:17

How awful for you cookies Flowers

OP posts:
Racoon100 · 08/09/2018 10:48

If you can support them financially without being reliant on benefits then yes, go for it!

Oysterbabe · 08/09/2018 10:51

How old are you?

happypoobum · 08/09/2018 10:53

Do you already have children and how old are you?

PurpleDaisies · 08/09/2018 10:54

If you see it as selfish then it probably is and being selfish is never reasonable

Sometimes it is entirely reasonable to be selfish.

How old are you op? That might significantly change the advice you’re getting.

TidyDancer · 08/09/2018 11:00

I would do it personally.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing.