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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be worried or annoyed?

16 replies

AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 04:29

DD"s 10. We live in a small market town in Australia where the kids tend to call for one another quite freely.

Last year she became friendly with a girl we'll call Mary and the two walk home from school together..

Mary lives with her Mum and you never see her Mum at all. After parties, it's usual for one of us other parents to drop Mary home because it's understood that her mum never shows up or gets out of the car for some reason.

DH dropped Mary off one time and the Mum just twitched the curtains...didn't show her face or say thanks or even wave.

Anyway....because I've never seen the Mum I haven't been able to arrange playdates or anything and DD's been asking a lot....they don't have phones yet so playdates are still arranged by parents in their class.

Yesterday (Friday) I got hold of the Mum's number and texted her to ask if Mary would like to come over and play here today (Saturday) and got a text back from the Mum saying she'd love to.

The mum asked what time and I said "About ten?" and she said great.... I then said "We live by X Pub but I think Mary knows the house as DD and she often walk home from school together" and the Mum said yes, Mary knew which house.

So now it's 1.00pm and no sign of Mary.

I texted at 11 to ask if Mary had started walking and maybe DD could walk to meet her but got no reply.

What's the deal? I tried to ring at 12 and nobody answered. Not sure what to do if anything.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 08/09/2018 04:40

I'd be concerned. Could you and dd stroll over?

stellabird · 08/09/2018 04:40

Since Mary's house is in walking distance, why don't you and DD walk over to their house and knock on the door ? Mum might have agoraphobia and not able to leave the house . Taking DD with you would make the whole thing more relaxed . I'd assume that Mum has some problem where she can't leave the house , so take it one step at a time. Good luck.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 04:44

I don't actually know their address unfortunately! I know the vague area but I've never been there and nor has DD.

OP posts:
Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 04:45

DH knows where she lives but he's not contactable. He's in work and can't take calls.

OP posts:
Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 04:46

Stella I did think agoraphobia but the Mum works a lot during the week according to DD. She leaves before Mary in the morning and Mary gets herself to school.

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMoose · 08/09/2018 05:23

Can't you ask one of the other oarents given she’s so frequently dropped off by other people?

Was DD not with DH when he took Mary home?

...but to answer your question...both. But given the background it’s far more more likely perfectly fine & her Mum has forgotten or gone out with her. Annoying for you, disappointing for Dd, but don’t stop trying, kids like this need all the outside help & friendship they can get.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 06:23

I've tried the other parents whose numbers I have, two weren't answering and I don't want to seem like I'm making a big fuss.

DD was with DH but she's not the sort of child who'd remember where the street was or its name.

Thanks for the reassurance Annie my gut is as you say, that the Mother is to blame and has forgotten or something. I won't stop trying....now I have the Mum's number I will make it clear that Mary's welcome to play after school any day she likes.

I'm generally here or DH is at school finish time so we're always having one of DD's mates over.

DD has lots of friends but I know she particularly likes Mary and would like to cultivate her more.

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 08/09/2018 07:39

Not to be an arm chair expert but it seems to me Marys mum could have anxiety and depression.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 09:33

Spider could someone with bad anxiety or depression simply not get in touch in these circumstances? It's not as though she had to bring her DD here...she was meant to walk alone.

OP posts:
birdling · 08/09/2018 10:24

Is it possible that Mary is a carer for her mum and the 'working all day's is a cover up because she doesn't want anyone to know?

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 10:29

Oh I didn't think of that. :(

OP posts:
Smellybean · 08/09/2018 10:29

Maybe she’s just forgot.

Rebecca36 · 08/09/2018 10:37

She may have just forgotten, it happens, or there could have been an emergency but, like others, I feel the mum may have some health issues and I wouldn't pressurise her about it, poor woman. Nor discuss her with other parents!

There will be other opportunities for the two girls to get together.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 11:19

Do people really just forget things when they're arranged the evening before?

OP posts:
picklepost · 08/09/2018 11:28

I think that in this context there is nothing to worry about bc Mary's mum is simply doing what she always does which is to not show up.

I can understand if you feel annoyed but honestly you have no idea what Mary is dealing with. Maybe just be welcoming whenever she's around but don't expect her to slot into your plans.

Original poster
AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 11:31

Thanks...I think I will tell DD that if she wants to ask Mary round after school, she can do.

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