To not want to take my 5 week old on a 3 hour car journey?

[user1496231209]

My daughters dad and I are separated and she's 5 weeks old. We arranged last week that I would take her up to London to see his grandad which I was fine about.
However the trains have gone on strike meaning our train journey would be 4 hours long there and 4 hours back. I asked if we could rearrange for next weekend as I don't think it's fair to make her travel that long when she's only tiny.
He responded that he would take us home in the car but that's still 3 hours with her strapped in a car seat two times in one day and with stops it would be closer to four hours. She hates the car and screams and gets really distressed as well which would be awful for her on such a long journey.

He's being really nasty to me but I'm only trying to put her well being first and I've already said we'll come next weekend instead.

AIBU?

Can her grandad not come to her?

Apparently he's not able to make the journey

Yanbu. She’s tiny, I wouldn’t go and I think your being more than reasonable offering an alternative weekend.

Will you want to take a 6 week old on a 3 hour journey? I don't understand why you want to put it off another week

YANBU, you know her and what she'll be ok with.

I get that the train workers are striking but surely it'll still be a long journey even without the strike

I don’t think she’s going to be particularly aware of travel, whether it is when she is 5 or 6 weeks old.

Without the strikes the journey is half the time x

Ah ok that's fair enough then OP. YANBU

Yeah man, wait a week

Huge journey with a five week old tbh.

YANBU and if I read that right he is suggesting a 5 week old baby travels in a car for a total of 6 hours in a day. That's not just unkind its dangerous.
www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

Just rearrange and don't let him bully you

It isn't good for small babies to be strapped into a car seat for so long. The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents advises parents to take a 15 minutes break every two hours to give their baby a break from their car seat.

I travelled with DS by train (4hour journey) between London and my parents, several times between 6 weeks and 3 months. It’s totally fine on the train- easy even at that age- it’s when they get older it gets tricky. 4hrs in a train carriage now with my two year old is not for the faint hearted!

I would wait way more than a week. What's the rush?

Not good for small babies to be in car seats for that long. And as it’s a one day trip by the sounds of it so taking a couple of breaks each way presumably isn’t an option either. I’d say Grandad comes to you or you go another weekend on the train. Plenty of articles out there on newborns and car seats, have a google if you want to send your ex some to prove your point.

At 5 weeks, you as the mother are still recovering.
I was up and about after well 2 but no way on earth I would want to do a 7 hour round trip.

I did 2 hours and back in a day when 13 weeks pregnant with an 18 month old. Exhausted!

Sorry but he either waits until your baby is older or he comes to you.

It's bloody daunting going out with a NEWBORN

Thank you everyone
He is quite emotionally abusive but does so in a very sly way. Ended up having a cry earlier as it's just relentless.
I had a few people tell me I was in the wrong as I was denying contact and I'm just so worn down with it all

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents advises parents to take a 15 minutes break every two hours to give their baby a break from their car seat

More frequent than that if they’re under 3 months. They aren’t supposed to be in a car seat for longer than 30mins at that age.

Absolutely no way I would've done that! You would have to stop both ways to be safe. Having had a car seat hating baby myself, I actively avoided all but essential journeys at that age because driving with a screaming baby is incredibly difficult!

You aren't denying contact. You just aren't dancing to his tune.

I'm all for new mums not behaving like they've had heart surgery but this is too much. It's a big thing.

No way

That is ridiculous for a child who is not happy in the car, especially when it can be postponed by literally a week. Mine used to scream in the car every time, way older than 5 weeks, and I used to have to pull over multiple times every journey, I’d arrive everywhere upset and stressed or I avoided going when it wasn’t necessary as it was horrible and not worth it. Don’t do it.

Presumably at that point you won't have had your 6 week appointment to check all is ok after the birth, YWDNBU to not go!

Also if you're planning on breastfeeding it takes about 6 weeks to get established.

You can't travel, the grandad can't travel, your ex will just have to wait.

Argh, misread that, you'ryou're daughter's here already! Congratulations OP

We haven't had our six week check ladies no.

Again just thank you for reaffirming that I'm not being unreasonable. It's bloody hard coparenting with a narcissistic compulsive liar whose prone to being emotionally abusive 😂