To tell my ex to feck off

[Fuzzywig]

Sometimes enough is enough.

He won’t speak directly to me either through the kids or via texts.
Won’t answer my texts.
Won’t acknowledge anything important parents evenings/viewing new schools etc so I never know if he will make an appearance.
Demands information from me I’d doesn’t matter if I know the answer or not. I advise him to google and get an ear/text full.
He constantly belittles me and talks bad about me and my family infront of and to my kids.

My stress levels are through the roof.

Have you tried just ignoring him let him get in touch with you.

How old are the children?

Don't tell him anything and watch your stress levels drop.
That's more valuable to your dc than a fff.
*flakey fuckwit father imo /e.

I usually do Holey but on one occasion one of the kids was taken to A&E due to a medical condition he suffers from. I sent him a text which he ignored he didn’t even contact our child to see if everything was ok.

To be honest it’s been a few years now and I have given up trying to work with him, he is impossible.

He expects everything his own way and since that no longer happens he just turns his back it doesn’t matter that it’s his kids he hurts.

Kids are 11 and 13.

Loving the FFF.

He ignores the court order too. We will be going back to court soon I think.

I’m exhausted just reading that! Honestly I wasted time and so much effort doing this it was just pointless trying to get someone to think and behave like a responsible adult with kids.

Came to conclusion some people just ain’t cut out for it. Don’t even waste ur energy telling him to fuckoff, just stop offering info etc

Thanks Rosies I am honestly trying to do what’s best for the kids but they’ve been let down so many times.

His behaviour is appalling but the kids ask me not to say anything as he will give them hell. I guess the kids need to vent and I have to listen and bite my lip.

Do the DC have regular contact with him? If so, do they want this?

If he gives them hell, I’d mention emotional abuse and get back to court.

Yes they have fortnightly visits. They want to see him but at the end of the weekend they are glad to come home.

It would be my word against his and if needs be his mother and sister would lie for him.

I am feeling a bit better it’s emotionally draining.

@Fuzzywig. It says a lot if the children can tell you and not him. My eldest was the same.

What I learnt 2nd time around (I don’t half pick them! Total opposite by both useless arses) was quit trying, parenting is hard enough without trying to get someone to parent like parent should.

Contact was minimal involved pick up times only and always ready for collection at the door, if there was engagement I would make excuse can’t talk need toilet or pretend I’m on phone.

Biting your lip is good so long as you can rant here or to someone. I stopped making excuse for lame parent and just had to say that’s just way they are, can’t change or make someone be something they not and they would always have me no matter even when they thought I mean mum with rules etc I always there.

My youngest father doesn’t bother now, he got bored because I gave nothing except handing over child this pissed him off so eventually he phoned me started ranting and raving screamed at me to put the fucking phone down —twat rang me— so I did and then I blocked his number.

He waiting until child reaches 18 so he go looking for him and they can have a pint together 🤦🏼‍♀️ —I didn’t even waste my breath explaining wtf planet he on—

I have similar issues with my DD's father. I got a separate PAYG phone for contact with him and downloaded an app to record all calls. Life has been much simpler since then.

Do your best for your kids and don't worry about anything else (easier said than done I know!) when the kids are old enough they will make their own choices x

I know the courts are only interested in the kids and not the who, why, how etc between us but he threatens me with court every time he doesn’t get his own way despite him not keeping to court agreements.

Every time I try and have a conversation or reason with him he just can’t do it. Then he gets his Mum or sister or both involved for everything. He can’t see the kids for court agreed access because he is going on holiday with them. He only seems interested in using the kids as a weapon.

I will try and play him at his own game I.e. ignore his texts. When he tries to speak and make arrangements through the kids I will ignore and advise the kids that dad should be making arrangements through me and not the.

Does it get any easier?

The app that records all calls is interesting as I have never heard of this although most contact is via email.

What reason does he threaten you with court?

I would keep a record of when he sees kids and doesn’t, so when he says that u can wave it in face and say go for it.

It only gets easier if you have min engagement with him.

My ex told me once that every time he collected eldest I nagged him and there was big list of things to tell him. Pissed me off because if he had been consistent and proactive it would’nt be like sending my child to complete stranger.

It got easier because I stopped engaging in any conversation other than what time back. Medincines was handed over with note on how much when and how. Didn’t say why. Funny the less I engaged the more he tried to talk about irrelevant shit. Don’t take the bait to engage!

I used to silent rage inside because eldest used to moan that her dad used to grill her about me etc etc.

I did pull him up big time and told him regardless of how him and his family feel about me his sister better shut her big gob slating me around DD and making some comment about me dying because end of day I am her parent who looks after her, takes care of her day to day, her security and twisted shit like that puts fear and worry to my DD. I don’t give fuck what say about me otherwise. That conversation ended in a row!

Just pick your battles because it will suck the life out of you.

Thanks again Rosie’s he threatens court every time he doesn’t get his own way. He wants me to find out info and I have told him to google it and he still goes on “I am their father I have a right to know are you refusing to tell me”. No, i’m telling you where you can get the info yourself.

This from the man who is only nice when he wants something and won’t reply to a text otherwise.

I am feeling a lot better. I hate having to run round getting everything for him whilst he sits back and slags me off. I wish he would grow up.

When he threatens you with court "OK"

When he asks you for info he could look up himself "Can't remember". You don't need to tell him how to look it up, he can google.

You don't have to engage you know. Selective deafness is helpful. You are allowed to ignore the words coming out of his mouth. It feels rude. It is rude. But not as rude as trying to start fights with you and expecting you to wipe his arse for him. Can you imagine him saying stuff and you just shrug (at most) and act like he didn't speak?

I know i have to do this. He just tells the kids to ask me which is unfair on them.

I need to grow a set lol

Give the kids phrases to use like "Mum won't talk about it, she says you have to email." "She won't answer if I ask, you'll have to ask."

When the DC pass on the message/request say "OK, thanks, I'll talk to dad about it when he asks me about it."
"Don't worry about it. If he can't work it out he'll message me."

Brilliant Rabbits thank you I will definitely bare those phrases in mind.

Not sure about rabbits being tasty though poor fluffy bunnies lol