Car seat politics

[ohdeardeardear]

I know all of the research suggests rear facing for as long as poss and my 2 year old DS is RF. when should I forward face him?

My mum and ILs want to take him out and about when they look after him and I always offer to put our seat in their car so he can be RF, should I let them use their car seats which are FF? My mum always kicks up a bit of a fuss and gets huffy with me, ILs just stay at ours when they have him and go over to the local shops. My mum only spent about £60 on one but I don't know what the reviews are and the one in the ILs car is used for their other DGC.

AIBU? Or a bit precious?

Not unreasonable. When the GPs wanted to take DS out we bought a Joie Stages as a spare seat for grandparents to use. RF to 18 kg. Just ignore any huffing. Why compromise your child’s safety for a bit of huffing?

At 2 I would let him FF in their cars so long as I was happy that the actual seats they had were decent and fitted properly

Thanks, both. I think I'll look at the reviews of their seats and go from there. My mum drives me crazy with it.

I kept dc1 rf until nearly 4 (when he outgrew his seat) . He never once complained and I was happier knowing he was safer in the event of an accident. You've offered your relatives a compromise of putting your seat in their car so what can they be complaining about?

A hard NO from me. They'd need to use a RF seat (provided by me) or not drive them anywhere.

Rear facing until 4 is massively, massively safer - 5 times safer in fact. It's because of the relative size and weight of their head compared to how thin and fragile their necks are. If I were you I would just ignore the huffing and go with RF. Why risk your DC's life/spine?

RF to age 4 is best, if you can, Joie stages is a great value ‘spare’ seat for this king of thing, as mentioned by PP.

I don't think the issue is whether he is rear or forward facing. Why is your mother getting huffy about it? Have you explained and shown her the evidence in favour of ERF? If you as a child's mother have explained you have a preference for a certain seat on safety grounds, what possible reason could she have to object? It sounds like a control issue more than a car seat issue.

RF is measurably safer (until age 4 or weight limit). Why on earth would you concede to anything less?
Los of people turn FF as soon as possible because it "looks cute". Priorities wrong more like!

Well I kinda agree with your DM in some ways Mine had rear facing seats and were out of them by 12-15 months as each so tall. So at 2 years all were easily in 5 point harnessed FF seats and in high backed booster type all in one seats fairly quickly after then due to weight and height. We are a tall and skinny family of giants.

But really it's your DC and your call on what is recommended and what you are happy with, as you know your child best. It won't be for long.

@SharpLily control - exactly. My mum (can't use 'DM' because she's not dearest) is very controlling and I am slowly trying to get the confidence to be more blunt with her but she turns things around and makes life for me very stressful, which then sends my anxiety through the roof so I do anything for a quiet life. She rarely looks after my DS because she would rather get her nails done or is working or on holiday. She's a nightmare and probably worthy of a separate thread of her own.

Thanks everyone, I will look into the stages one, we have the 360 one which is great. My ILs are lovely about it to be fair, I'm just a bit sensitive I think and feel bad that I may be putting them out but realistically I know they'd do anything to put my mind at ease.

@Whereismumhiding2 my DS is tall too but plenty of room for him to be RF. It is much safer for him to be RF and I just want him to be safe. It's not much to ask, is it?

We got the stages seat for grandparents as well. I feel far happier with rear facing. There is a weird anti brigade that seem to like pointing out how extreme and ridiculous the whole thing is. I’ve got a thick skin and don’t care. They can do what they want for their kids/had the chance when their kids were young and I’ll do what I prefer for mine. I’m sure there was a generation that thought not smoking in cars or seatbelts wre precious requests. Norms change and I suspect in 10 years time rear facing will be much more accepted and common.

I insist anyone transporting my car does so RF. 1) it’s a lot safer, and 2) I don’t want him knowing FF is an option and demanding it in my car!

*DS, not car!

We FF but only because my DS vomits and screams RF and FF changed everything and meant we could actually use the car. If yours is happy RF I don’t see any reason to turn round in other cars though.

I had mine FF at 2 sobit wouldn't other me as long as I thought the seat was a good one and fitted properly.

However, you've clearly stated that you prefer RF, and I think anyone wanting to drive your children should respect your wishes. It's about respect t at the end of the day. People may not agree with your choices but they should respect your views and honour them.

Unless your an anti-vaxxer of course, but let's not derail a perfectly reasonable thread!

No, absolutely not an anti-vaxxer! I actually vaccinate as part of my job