To expect him to come ?

[upnorthwhereitsboringandslow]

We organised dinner with my work colleagues and their wives 6 weeks ago. Colleagues been asking for years I've avoided as DH is not the easiest wanted to avoid a scene with people I need to get along with. Finally gave in thinking maybe it will be fun surely I can trust DH for one night... so he's fallen out with me and now threatening to pull out. Have a sitter, don't want to look like an idiot at work can't he just put all this stuff aside and realise I need him to make a good impression for me?

Just go without him, don't beg him to go, just go as if it's no big deal he's not coming.
Don't let him ruin your night by him being a dick.
He really doesn't sound that great a guy to be honest

"Finally gave in thinking maybe it will be fun"

You did ask him first didn't you?

Idk, sounds as if he handled it badly, but what is the thing behind colleagues & meeting their OHs?

Are you going out for dinner or hosting at your house? Either way it sounds as if you would be better off without your husband. I'd hate to spend an evening with my colleagues on tenterhooks about my partner's behaviour.

He's obviously not fit to be taken out in public leave the miserable swine behind. Have a nice evening without him and be grateful he's not there.

Unfortunately my DH does this too OP. It's at the very least annoying, and at most really truly upsetting. It's always things he knows I want him to go to, but he dgaf about. No real advice, just that I feel ya

It's always things he knows I want him to go to, but he dgaf about

Of course it is - this whole behaviour is a power play, and he gets a huge kick out of every stage:

You begging /persuading him to come, saying how much you want him there

You on tenterhooks as the event draws nearer

Your disappointment when he bails, followed by more begging him to reconsider

If he does deign to accompy you, the fact that you will spend all evening making sure he is happy, walking on eggshells in case he kicks off, not really able to enjoy yourself.

The whole thing is a massive, delicious feast of attention and manipulation for him. Don't ask him to come - get ready cheerfully and call "don't wait up!" as you leave.

Long term : rethink how much you really want to be with this guy.

I am a man.

Whilst I wonder what attracted you to this man (though two women have been married to Boris Johnson), I cannot think of a worse social activity than a meal with work colleagues and their wives/husbands/partners. In his shoes I would have said no right from the beginning.

"Not the easiest" - well, that sounds ominous. What does that mean exactly? Is he rude, sullen, inclined to be argumentative, one of those people who says what he thinks regardless of whether it might upset others? How bad is it if you've got to the stage that you daren't introduce him to colleagues because you can't trust him to behave like a normal person?

Red flags everywhere.

I cannot think of a worse social activity than a meal with work colleagues and their wives/husbands/partners. In his shoes I would have said no right from the beginning.

You see I find this attitude really quite strange. I attend work functions to support my DH and he does the same for me. We also regularly host visiting colleagues for dinner.

Isn’t doing things for your partner just part of being in a relationship?

I love my DH, if it’s important to him that I attend the company dinner dance, family BBQ, Christmas party or meal with his boss then I’m happy to support him. Sometimes I have a great time, sometimes I grit my teeth and endure but that’s not the point.

Doing things for each other should be the default position surely?

NB: Forall I don’t mean to pick just on you, you aren’t the only poster in this thread to express this view.

For one night, out of years, he can't put the effort in to support you.

Doesn't sound like he cares very much about you.

I'd go to dinner, apologize for his absence due to illness. If anyone asks what's wrong, just say he's not getting enough fibre.

And perhaps consider do you want the rest of your life to be like this.