Posting here for traffic as it's not what you think but DH and I are at the end of our tether and need advice! Sorry this is a long one.
Bit of background, I had a shite childhood. Dad died when I was young, mum was an utter narcissist who completely fucked my head. No way were my kids experiencing what I went through. It does mean I struggle to work out if I'm being too soft or hard as I don't really know how a mum should behave.
We have 2 DC, DD is 9, almost 10, and DS is 6.5. They are the most amazing little people with one exception. When DD was around 5 she had some bad dreams. Long story short, to make her and DS feel secure we ended up putting 2 mattresses on the floor of our room so if either had bad dreams they could slip into bed by us without anyone being disturbed. It worked well. We had the odd sleepover and they had no more bad dreams than other kids, maybe used the mattresses once a month or so.
In Nov last yr we had an extension to the house. Nothing major but enough disruption so the DC asked to sleep in our room for a bit. DH and I agreed so that we all slept well and to give them comfort. That was Dec 2017 and well, they're still in with us.
DH and I have had enough but the kids refuse to move back into their rooms. If we ask they become terrified and upset and say they are both too scared. We've tried rewards, threats, talking about it as a family, promises etc etc but nothing works. If we put them into their rooms, they simply come into our room again around midnight. If we move the mattresses out completely they wake up 5 or 6 times in the night and then we're all exhausted. I can't cope with them being left to cry alone in a room so just cave in. When they were tiny I did time out and rapid return and I'm not soft on discipline but to have tearful children pleading with me to let them stay just breaks me (and short of physically locking them in their rooms (not going to happen) we can't get them to stay there).
Poor DH is at the end of his tether. Our sex life is non existent (we're not really roll on the floor types, much prefer our bed) and he cannot physically get into bed due to DDs mattress so has to climb up from the bottom of our mattress every night.
Sorry for the long post but I don't know what to do. I can't be cold and nasty with them but we need our room back! Help anyone??