To be annoyed at DH?

[WaitingRoom1]

Me and my husband were meant to be going to a viewing tonight for a kindergarten. He now can't make it as he chose to take his son to school this morning instead as it is his first day. Fair enough but I'm really annoyed because I had to convince them to let me come later which they don't usually do and rearrange things just so me and my husband could attend. I'm embarrassed about this as he now can't come as work won't let him away early as he went in late today. Kindergarten is nearly fully booked so I don't even know if he's going to be able to view it. Bit late for me to cancel now. AIBU to be annoyed? I can hardly expect him not to take his son to his first day of school but it's tiring being told things last minute and visiting a nursery together for our first baby together was a big deal for me. Now I'm going on my own and he can't get any time off work for the foreseeable future to visit. His attitude is like he just isn't bothered. I haven't said anything to him and won't be because I'm can't be bothered to argue over it, I just feel a bit disappointed. Guess I just needed to moan somewhere as feeling sad I'm going to visit by myself, but also feel like I have no leg to stand on being annoyed as I get that he wanted to take his son to school.

Sorry I've just realised how trivial this is.

I'm not sure why you even mentioned taking his son to school because of course that was the right thing to do.

It's a shame he can't make it but he can't very well just walk out of work if he's been asked to stay. He obviously trusts you to make the right decision if the nursery is the right one for your baby or not. Sometimes stuff gets in the way doesn't it.

wilbur I guess you're right. I think it's more than he's known it's his son's first day at school for weeks and I would've liked for him to be a bit more organised. I spent so long trying to find a day that suited us both and that they could do later than their usual visiting time. I would never have told him not to take his son to school, this is the only reason I'm choosing not to raise it with him and venting on here instead as I know it would be wrong to tell him not to go!

The lack of organisation would piss me off too OP.

It's a shame he can't make it. But he made the right call (in my opinion) and I'm sure he trusts your judgment on finding the right kindergarten.
I don't think my husband came to any nursery viewings with me - he was working and saving up leave/goodwill for us to spend holidays etc together.

How did you not know it was his sons first day at school? Does this child not ever stay with you, are you not effectively his step mum?

I think YABU.

I understand though, as I get pissed off when my DH doesn't listen and then mucks up my plans at the last minute.

He's known about his son's first day of school, so presumably you have too.
It's frustrating, but understandable.

I do realise that I can be overly sensitive sometimes as well. I've had three miscarriages suffer from PTSD because of it so I can overreact sometimes regarding what is best for our child. I convince myself he doesn't care sometimes when I'm sure it isn't the case at all. Sorry for the drip feed it didn't seem relevant in my initial post!

blunt I had no idea. I thought they went back on Monday. He was with us for the first 3 weeks of summer and had been with his mum for the second half.

Get a shared calendar?

silly the idea of getting my husband to use a calendar is quite funny lol! It wouldn't work.

It's just one of these mix ups. Annoying but you're able to look at kindergarten yourself and they won't think twice, it's very common for one parent to visit.

I think a small part of me is just annoyed that we aren't going to visit it together. It sucks when you were excited about something and it falls through. I put such an effort in to finding a day that suited us both and his organisation skills are just useless! I know, IABU. Anyway, nursery time...

Yanbu to be annoyed. He has messed up and double booked. He should know he had annoyed you - otherwise this will become a pattern. Doesn’t need to be a row, just explain a bit of a heads up in future would be appreciated.

YANBU you tried to get a day where you could go together,asked the nursery to make a concession and he agreed. Due to his lack of organisation now he can't make it. I hope he is very apologetic.

To be fair, you're not unreasonable to be annoyed. He made the right call, but should have been better organised. To be fair, though I can pull this sort of shit when busy, we all can.

We all have different things that trigger us. I'm sorry for your losses.

Hope the nursery visit went well.

I can see why this has upset you - while it was reasonable for your H to take his older child to school, it's the fact that he let you go to all the effort of picking what you thought (as he didn't tell you it wasn't the case) was a suitable day for you to go together. It must feel like he just doesn't consider you very important and doesn't listen to you when you want to make arrangements, because he is a Free Spirit and you are Not The Boss Of Him.

Yanbu - he should have known it was his sons first day so he wouldn't be able to get away early.

Well the nursery was gorgeous! Just wish DH saw it...