As the title says really, am I alienating exdp?
We split 5 years ago and have two ds7, he cheated and eventually left to be with the ow which destroyed me.
He was never a hands on dad and always saw parenting as the woman's job, when he left je pretty much disowned the dcs until he was settled into his relationship then decided that he wanted to be a father and have the dcs around to cement their co-habiting.
I refused to let this happen, but never stopped access as the dcs were still very young at the time and as he had only just started to look after them. In all that time there were many arguments about me being jealous, which i was I'd had my family taken away after i stood by him when at very difficult time, it was like a slap in the face for him to cheat, leave and try to take our dcs with him.
Anyway going through the years things started to get better, he spent more time with the dcs and we began to get along with each other, so much so we were able to spend time together with our dcs for special occasions and often taking them on days out, that was until last year when he cheated on the ow and began a new relationship where he done exactly the same thing as before, not seeing the dcs regularly not paying maintance, being vile to me making threats of violence and just being an arse.
So again he's now settled into this relationship and has moved in with this woman after only 6, again I am not stopping access he can see the dcs but I would like a solid arrangement put into place which he is refusing to do.
The last time he saw them was in July, he was meant to take them two weeks ago and when I asked what time he would be collecting them I got a barrage of abuse and excuses, one being he didnt have a bed which is a lie as he told me he had bought them a bed 3 months ago.
In the end i told him not to bother and to take me to court for access.
There has also been so many lies over the years that simply do not trust him, the last time he had the dcs overnight was when they was 4 and he left them with his ex for two days and went out drinking with his friends, leaving me panicking and wondering where my children were, I couldnt go and pick them up as he didnt want me knowing where he lived why I do not know. I have never caused any trouble at his home or turned up unannounced to his previous homes, unlike him who used to turn up to mine at 1am after a night out.
He is also now refusing to tell me where he lives now and is also lying about the fact he lives with his gf which is not a problem.
We had previously spoken about When we both had new partners that we would inform each other of any major changes, which affects our dcs, so when my dp moved in with me we both spoke to him first just out of respect and so he didnt find out via the dcs
So I'm really not sure why he's lying about it.
He's now going around telling anyone that will listen that I'm alienating him from the dcs life stopping contact and not making them call him. I have asked them if they want to call and they don't want to speak to him, I dont badmouth him so I think they have just had enough of him not being around and breaking his promises.
I do feel bad for them because they do love him and I can see that they're hurting, but while he's out slandering me he's failing to own up to what he's done wrong so the problems will never go away, I mean how can you not see your children for 6 months and then expect to just pick up where you left off?
I have also got to a point where I've had enough of running behind him constantly asking if he will be taking them out or spending time with them, calling to inform him of sports day or parents evenings none of which he attends even though he says he will.
So am I doing what he says I'm doing?
I am prepared to be told I'm wrong by telling him to go to court, if I am wrong how do i fix this? It's completely messing with my head and I've had to go back to the doctors for my depression, because he's making me feel as though I'm crazy.