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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Cancer stages

45 replies

NorrisButter · 05/09/2018 21:44

Just heard that a work mate has cancer. Now I know what I’m gonna sounds bad, but this person has history of exaggeration.
They are saying that this particular cancer only has 2 stages, not the usual 4. Could this be true?

OP posts:

Original poster

NorrisButter · 05/09/2018 23:26

Fuckin hell calm down, I just asked a question!

OP posts:

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 05/09/2018 23:29

Yep you asked a question about the illness that killed both my parents and you trivialised it.

Asterado · 05/09/2018 23:31

Why don’t you get yourself on down to your local oncology department OP and ask all the 100s of patients, their relatives and the HCPs looking after them your ‘questions’ and see how you get on.

MarthasGinYard · 05/09/2018 23:35

I'd arm yourself with some more facts and compassion

Perhaps this 'friend' doesn't wish to speak to you regarding her diagnosis

I can see why

Winosaurus · 05/09/2018 23:35

Tbf OP I know where you’re coming from. A colleague of mine who constantly exaggerated told us she had cervical cancer. Implied it was extremely serious and potentially life threatening.
We all rallied around her and sent gifts, offered support and covered her shifts for weeks. Turned out she had pre-cancerous cells detected on a routine smear test and had them lasered off... exactly the same minimally invasive procedure two other women in our workplace had previouslt had.
To say we were pissed off is an understatement and we have believed literally nothing she has said since

EarlGreyT · 05/09/2018 23:38

Like, from an itchy mole to death around the corner type of thing!

But an itchy mole isn’t necessarily cancer. You’ve said you have no doubt this person has cancer. If by itchy mole you actually mean the person has a confirmed diagnosis of malignant melanoma then it’s pretty unsurprising they’re worried death is “around the corner”.

RosiesYellowDress · 05/09/2018 23:41

Yes but I still don’t get (I do actually as same reason they wouldn’t ask my mum directly).

My mum was a common cancer & procedure the staging is not know until removed.... I sat by her bed whilst a ventilator was helping her stay alive. Nosey fuckers came in droves because someone gossiping saying it was only a matter of time.

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 05/09/2018 23:43

A colleague of mine who constantly exaggerated told us she had cervical cancer. Implied it was extremely serious and potentially life threatening. We all rallied around her and sent gifts, offered support and covered her shifts for weeks. Turned out she had pre-cancerous cells detected on a routine smear test and had them lasered off

I was just about to post almost the exact same thing.

ViserionTheDragon · 05/09/2018 23:43

I take it you've not had anyone you know go through cancer before OP? If you did, then perhaps you wouldn't have made that ignorant comment about itchy moles and prognosis. You're lack of empathy is shocking ! Cancer is still cancer, it's effing grim.

DixieFlatline · 06/09/2018 00:57

A colleague of mine who constantly exaggerated told us she had cervical cancer. Implied it was extremely serious and potentially life threatening.
We all rallied around her and sent gifts, offered support and covered her shifts for weeks. Turned out she had pre-cancerous cells detected on a routine smear test and had them lasered off... exactly the same minimally invasive procedure two other women in our workplace had previouslt had.

To be fair to her, look at any smear thread on here. It seems to majority misunderstand what the results of a smear mean, and what further treatment is for exactly. Lots of people claiming to have been saved from cancer, or that their relative was saved from cancer.

nhssecretary · 06/09/2018 01:23

You sound really fucking rude

The mole might be the thing that alerted them to being riddled

I doubt they want your help anyway

WyfOfBathe · 06/09/2018 01:37

I'd arm yourself with some more facts and compassion
She's trying to get more facts by asking a question on here, surely.

I know where you're coming from OP. I had a relative who "had breast cancer". She had a benign lump. She had previously "had a stroke and stayed in intensive care" (fainted and kept on a not-ICU ward for 1 night). If she told me she had cancer, I would have a doubt in my mind.

I know that not believing someone about something serious sounds bad. But it's a bit "the boy who cried wolf".

ReanimatedSGB · 06/09/2018 01:38

Some cancers are more likely to be curable than others. Some people exaggerate their illnesses because they are attention-seekers.

'I have cancer' isn't always either an imminent end of a life - or a free pass to milk others for money and sympathy, as a PP described.

Though to be fair cancer doesn't discriminate between nice people and shitheads, so your drama llama colleague might actually be terminally ill. But that doesn't mean you have to lose sleep over it or give time and attention to someone you don't much like, either.

ReanimatedSGB · 06/09/2018 01:41

I had a cancer scare five years ago. (Suspicious lump; two lots of needle biopsies followed by surgical biopsy under general anaesthetic). Yes I was scared, but did not run around wailing that I had cancer (OK, apart from a bit of flapping on MN about 'what if???') I reckoned there was time enough to announce it if it was serious/dangerous. And it wasn't.

Winosaurus · 06/09/2018 07:25

@DixieFlatline I can understand confusion when her results came back asking her to come in for further treatment.
But there was definitely no confusion after the treatment when she blatantly lied about what treatment was and continued to pretend she had cervical cancer even after being told the laser treatment had been successful and all fear was required was smear tests every 2 years instead of 5.
We know this because her sister who “had a brain aneurysm and was in a coma” - evidently not because I was chatting to her in Costa Coffee - told me the truth.

Also we had a man due to start a apprenticeship who deferred because his 5 year old was at death’s door with meningitis. We were all devastated for him... until another colleague from a different department said she knew him and showed us Facebook pictures of him that morning on a beach in Turkey with his “serious ill” child.

People can and do lie about serious illness. The OP isn’t being heartless because she could be lying... so OP is trying to understand what it could be that this person has before jumping to any conclusions

ushuaiamonamour · 06/09/2018 08:47

ChazsBrilliantAttitude Both my parents died of cancer as well but that's irrelevant here--unless you're implying that all posters check with you to be sure that nothing they intend to say will be even peripherally related to your own experiences.

Nothing OP's said has made light of cancer; as I read it, she's posting because she's wondering, understandably, whether her work mate is scamming.

SnuggyBuggy · 06/09/2018 08:49

Maybe do some reading on cancer staging

RosiesYellowDress · 06/09/2018 10:07

@wyofBathe tbh the post didn’t come across as wanting to seek facts in the helpful way. The fact they haven’t asked person themselves says a lot.

First thing I done was read up on that particular cancer location asked questions on forums even bloody nurses so in order to know how or what I could do to support my mum. I see the stress and damage it causes by having some half arsed fuck wit around not understanding the seriousness of it, even worse the twats that are there think they are supporting with the self pity face.

Tbh I wouldn’t want the op around me for support. If cared that much I’d be sitting down with the person and having conversation.

Also OP when you are told you have cancer it a lot to process and the rest of conversation with consultants become a blur.

This subject is just to raw still. I still can’t even look at the person who started posting tripe about anti use of chemo and suggesting the use of cannabis

Gottagetmoving · 06/09/2018 10:26

I had a cancer scare a few years ago. I was totally ignorant about the condition or what it meant. I thought I would die and became very anxious.
I wasn't properly reassured by the medical people I saw and it was not explained to me. I googled for information...and that convinced me I was doomed! It all became overwhelming.
It was only when I was told all the tests and examinations were ok that I broke down...and two nurses took me into a room and we had a talk.
They were upset I had been worrying the way I had and said I should have contacted their department any time for advice and reassurance.
I felt totally stupid at my overreaction.
Some people get very anxious about these things.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 06/09/2018 10:28

ushuaiamonamour
We shall have to agree to disagree. I found the whole premise of this thread distasteful. If the OP thinks their colleague is scamming then take a step back and make sympathetic noises but don't get involved. Don't look for evidence that they might be lying about having cancer. None of us can judge how we might react if we were told we might have cancer or be at risk of cancer. Some people will be stoic and others will be in a panic - in either case surely people should be sympathetic and understanding not judgemental and doubting.

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