to feel like I can't cope with children sometimes!

[lill72]

So it is the first day of school. We got invited to a play date with DD7 and DD3. When it came time to leave DD7 had a massive meltdown and had to leave screaming with no shoes on to walk home around the corner. Whilst I was distracted by this behaviour DD3 crossed the road by herself on her scooter. I am horrified I was so distracted I didn't notice . then when home they have a bath and DD3 pushed DD3 7 head under the water . I am a mess right now - so distressed at all of this. We were all up at 3am this morning as DD3 woke everyone up so everyone including me is so tired and I havebperimenopause meaning my anxiety and ability to cope is bad but I feel like the worst mother in the world right now. My kids are lovely people mostly but this was hideous. DD7 usually doesn't like to leave play dates- this was extreme but I don't know what to do to stop this behaviour. I gave just banned bikes and scooters and tv for a week Anyone have some behavioural suggestions?

I lost my temper with my DS11 this evening over his rudeness and disrespect when playing Fortnite. I'm feeling the same but remember that tomorrow is another day. Your kids won't remember for sure

We all have days like this - sometimes it feels like most days! So you were all tired, they were also tired from the first day back and then they had an exciting play date? No wonder they were behaving badly - you’re all exhausted. Early night - tomorrow will be better if you all sleep.

Yes taking the scooter away for crossing the road on her own is a good consequence - you’ve done fine I think!

My DD (4) fell asleep in the car. Woke up. Realised I'd turned her Repunzel story off and started screaming. Just as we were in the slip road off the motorway she undid her car seat seatbelt ( she's in the back so I didn't notice straight away). Told her off for this cue screaming and cryng again. Bedtime and crying again then footsteps on the stairs. Asked her what she was doing - she wanted to unlock the house door as Rubble (* Paw Patrol soft toy ) was crying in the car for her. Removed key from four and informers never to go outside without mummy. Cue screaming and cryng and 'its not fair!' - Wine! Give me wine!

Door not four!

We ALL have bad days! Sometimes really, really bad days. Loads of them! You're doing a great job, the fact that you're stressed about their safety and well-being shows that.

Maybe alongside punshiment for bad behaviour you could try to get to the root of the problems, why does DD7 hate leaving and is there anything you could do to help that particular behaviour? Sounds daft but could you have a diary and put the date of the next playdate in, ask her to help write it in and decorate it, so she knows there will be another one? Just thinking of the hoof for suggestions.

Yesterday I had to leave my 4 month old with a shopkeeper and carry my screaming 2.5 year old to the car, then go back for the baby. The toddler was refusing to leave the shop these things happen!

I wouldn't have banned TV scooters and bikes tbh I'd just ban play dates for the foreseeable - more direct consequence of the behaviour plus surely banning TV punishes you add much as them!?

I'd give them the chance to 'earn back' those and stick with no playdates. If they're so hellish why do it to yourself?!

I’m aorry you’ve had such a bad day! I think we all have days that feel like a struggle. I have only one child and can’t believe that anyone can cope with more than one So I already think you’re doing a far better job than I am

I also don't think a three year old is Mature enough to understand 'bans' (mine certainly wouldn't!).... They need direct consequences!

@FarrahMoan I feel your pain. The stupid game is like a cult my LO has been banned from YouTube and playing on playstation4 all week he's allowed an hour on the weekend if he's good all week. His attitude was vile! He wouldn't sleep and it was an absolute nightmare. All his mates still play it but I don't care. I'm happy to have my happy little boy back and he seems so much more alert and willing to partake in other activities! Good luck with your DS

Oh my 3 yo understands if you don’t follow scooter rules the scooter goes away. That seems logical and direct to me.

It seems that children's behaviour in general is much worse than it was when my DC were small. We didn't have tablets, phones and wall to wall TV. We just opened the front door and told them to go out and find someone to play with! Thus giving parents peace and quiet and a chance to catch up (and the DC got out for some fresh air and exercise). (Sigh)

Surely the obvious root cause of the behaviour is the fact you all slept badly, and then had a very busy day? I wouldn’t overthink this.

@backintime yes mine would to if you took the scooter away there and then, but not two days later, for example? Same with bathtime antics - punished by immediate removal from the bath (& probably straight to bed) but then for next time I'd just remove the opportunity, ie no more bathrooms together for the foreseeable, same as no playdates - take away the situation and the behaviour has no opportunity to arise.

Also yes all of the above is a direct result of being knackered but also the Op says 7yr old is frequently crap at leaving playdates? Suggests not only does the behaviour happen when not pooped bit that playdates are a regular occurrence... So just put a stop to them for a while?

I'm a fairly crap parent myself on occasion, btw, but I'm also definitely Not in the habit of stitching myself up!

We all have moments when we think what on earth was I thinking. Or if not all a big percentage. It's usually on days when we're already feeling rubbish and the children pick up on this and use it to their advantage.

Yeah tend to agree - immediate consequence that’s over in a day at 3 - misbehaviour on scooter on day 1, scooter banned day 2, better scooting day 3.

I’m a wonderful parent obviously! I’ve learned the hard way too on over committing on play dates and then dying with embarrassment at execrable behaviour!

I ended up screaming and actually swearing at my 14 year old son the night before last because he had a meltdown over the internet going off for 5 seconds. Bloody Fortnite. I never swear at him, but he drove me to the brink, that I had to leave the room, as I could easily have slapped him. (Disclaimer- I have never laid a finger on him, and as I said I left the room to calm down!). He’s a 14 year old who’s way bigger than me, and he was acting like a 4 year old. I’ve told him, Xbox, after this first week or two of settling back in, is going to be seriously cut down on. It’s driving me around the bend!!

Oh yes. I understand this. 3.5 year old and 2 year old here. Most of the time, just leaving the house is a massive achievement. Pass me the wine also!

Oh thanks so much everyone your shared stories and experiences have made me feel much better and not alone in.all this! You are all right - we were tired, had a busy day and I probably pushed it a but much with a play date. All was lovely until we had to leave! I have learnt for next time not to stay for long or go at all if v tired

I had a big talk with my daughter andcwill continue on with this about the leaving play date issue. We don't have loads of them by the way but it does happen a but and it is not acceptable. DD wrote an apology to the mother as did I over text. She is fine but I just feel as. My girls saw me visibly upset and so I hope this makes them.think. I have said if this happens at the next play date there will be a ban.

the t.v. ban is one that my daughter will not like so it will make her think.

the scooter ban so have done before with dd3 and the message of what she can't do does sink in. I have taken away a few times for going too fast and running away from mummy. it is too scary to physically let her go on scooter tbh. I am.terrifued for her safety.

Thanks for your kind words and stories- you have worked wonders. Less time on screens all around too is a good thing - is all getting a bit out of control!