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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dad sold gift - CF or am I overreacting?

30 replies

Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 17:25

A few years ago my dad celebrated a significant birthday.

I have a large number of siblings and we all contributed an amount (£150 each) towards a substantial gift to mark the event.

If I say what it is I will out myself but it is a collector's item he could take to displays..it was a large amount of money for all of us but my brother who is closest to dad sourced it and we contributed the money.

He had taken the item to various events in the years between and bought himself a second one also.

We found our at the weekend he sold the item we bought him. For a large amount of money - more than it cost us to buy it.

Part of me thinks well it was his to sell after all, but another part of me thinks he could have told us he was thinking of selling it.

Brother no.2 is also into the collectors item and would have bought it off him if he have known.

I know it's probably none of my business but I feel he has been a bit underhand selling our gift to him and not even mentioning it! We only found out because it's quite big and wasn't there when my sister's visited at the weekend!

I feel like asking him why he sold it when we could have kept it in the family but then I'm reluctant to start a row with him.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 05/09/2018 17:52

It would have been nice if he’d mentioned he was going to sell it, and if he knew one of his sons would be interested in buying it a bit mean not to give him first refusal.

Costacoffeeplease · 05/09/2018 18:06

It was his to do what he wanted with, had your brother told him he would be interested in buying it?

HopelessWanderer · 05/09/2018 18:11

I totally get the disappointment, but maybe he is short for cash, or maybe he thought noes a good time to sell whilst prices are high.

It's difficult as it was a gift, it's a bit of a grey area when it comes to selling them.

Personally if I'd put a lot of money towards a gift, then found out it had been sold I wouldn't be all that impressed. So YANBU, but maybe there's a reason that he's embarrassed to share.

Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 18:26

He's not short of cash, no. He is a greedy man though. Always wheeling and dealing.

He had told bro no2 he would give him the item and in mean time brother had been taking the item to events whilst dad took his new one.

The last three events (all held on Saturdays) my brother couldn't attend due to another hobby. He is the most aggrieved over the sale. He feels dad sold it out of spite because he wouldn't jump to his demands of attending the events when they clashed with his other events.

It's just a bit messed up and we'd have been more than happy for dad to give bro the item (or even sell if he felt he meeded to cash in on gift!) But it feels like he has been sneaky and underhand about it all.

OP posts:
Historydweeb · 05/09/2018 18:29

No more large presents for greedy DF

OrchidInTheSun · 05/09/2018 18:30

If he isn't on the bones of his arse, it's really rude and ungrateful

LemonysSnicket · 05/09/2018 18:31

When something is gifted that means it is theirs to do whatever they want with.

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 18:43

It was his to do what he liked with. Sounds as though he did quite well out of it too. Try and forget it, it was a gift after all.

Confusedbeetle · 05/09/2018 18:50

I can see why you are upset but I wouldn't mention it. He was a bit daft not to realise it was not tactful;. I don't think it would have helped if he had told you

AnnieOH1 · 05/09/2018 19:06

Does he have other items in this collection? Is it usual for him to buy and sell similar pieces? Is the collection perhaps something that he only likes certain things of? I'm just thinking about how I collect Lladro but there are only specific pieces I enjoy, the flower sellers and ballerinas in particular. If someone gave me one of the clowns by Lladro I'd have to get rid, it doesn't fit my collection and I hate them. Could it be that sort of thing?

ShalomJackie · 05/09/2018 19:09

Sorry - I just think it was his to do what he wants with. He may have been made an offer he couldn't resist for it at one of the fairs.

Maybe he thought your brother was being cheeky by keep using his rather than getting his own. Maybe he knew that your DB may offer to buy it but never pay him etc.

Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 19:13

lemony and rebecca I sort of feel like that but the unreasonable side of me feels like saying "you'd never have had that if nor for us"

Annie I don't want to risk outing myself but it is a large vintage item and he had been after the one we bought him for years. My brothers helped him restore it - it was a labour of love as much as a gift if that makes sense.

But I do accept I'm being slightly unreasonable to feel hard done by. I do feel for bro no2 though.

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 05/09/2018 19:16

Is it a car?

If so, doesn’t selling it on and getting a new project come with the territory? That’s part of the love of it, isn’t it?

MrsMozart · 05/09/2018 19:18

Unless you give gifts with strings attached then it was his to do with what he wished.

Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 19:20

No shalom he didn't think that of my brother.

He couldn't take two himself and needed my brother to take one. (Drivable items!) And he wanted them both displayed but couldn't transport both himself. That's definitely not the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 19:22

Not a car but a different vintage vehicle. And he never traded in them. He never had one until we bought him one after he hankered after it for years.

It was like a once in a lifetime gift.

But I can see both sides. I accept I ABU but it still stings a bit.

And he bought himself the second vehicle when a man died and his family wanted rid of it. He had no need it intention time buying one but it was very cheap, possibly because the man's family didn't know it's value.

OP posts:
IhatetheArchers · 05/09/2018 19:22

Is it a dalek?

Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 19:23

no need or intention of buying

OP posts:
Fireworks91 · 05/09/2018 19:27

Yanbu, I would feel the same

Duckherding · 05/09/2018 19:28

Traction engine ?!

Original poster
Chapterandverse · 05/09/2018 19:28

It was a vintage tractor.

OP posts:
category12 · 05/09/2018 19:41

It wasn't as if he sold it immediately - he had it a few years and got lots of pleasure out of it in those years. Which was exactly what you gave it to him for.

It would have been nice to give brother2 first refusal, but he wasn't a CF for selling it.

Furx · 05/09/2018 19:41

Hmm

Im on the fence here

We had an heirloom vehicle in a similar situation, and I do think as these things are frequently traded that it’s more ok than if the item was, say a clock or a painting. But I can also see how you feel, my first reaction would be to be rather miffed.

The fact that you restored it together goes both ways too. Either it made it more special and totally unsaleable OR you’ve had your special memories restoring it and there’s no need to keep the actual item (and yep, my situation was similar in this respect too. And I still,think back to the happy memories of helping restore it whilst I’m sad we no longer have it in the family Im glad we did have it)

Aridane · 05/09/2018 19:41

I would be upset too given the thoughtful, personal and expensive nature of the present. And, yes, I know a present is a present and for the recipe t to do with as they want....

Urbanbeetler · 05/09/2018 19:43

I agree it’s Mrs Mozart. It really is bd form to uestion what someone does with their gift from you.

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