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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a bit gross

24 replies

RosiePosies · 05/09/2018 16:56

OH sent DSS6 off to his first day of school on Monday. Obviously fresh uniform, underwear, blah blah blah. He was with his mum Monday and Tuesday night.

He's come for his overnight stay tonight wearing the same underwear we sent him in and has confirmed he hasn't taken his socks off once. He's done PE etc.

I just think 3 days of the same clothes and underwear is a bit rank, but then part of me remembers not wearing new underwear every day and only having a bath once a week when I was little so I'm not really sure? He's not the greatest at wiping though and his feet stink to high heaven after one day so we're terrified of taking his shoes off.

I am aware people may think I'm bashing his mum and I'm the wicked step mum, but I'm really not, I guess I just want to know what the norm is really?

OP posts:

Beingginger · 05/09/2018 16:59

That’s grim, my dc get clean uniforms every day. They come home filthy from school. God knows what they get up to but they always come home covered in something usually half their lunch

Namethecat · 05/09/2018 17:01

I hope you have got over the ' terror ' of asking him to remove his shoes.

Yes it's a bit rank not to have washed/ showered and yes his mother is not looking after him properly, but surely he has a voice to ask to have a shower/bath/wash and a change of underwear, but now he is under a different roof I should imagine he will be squeaky clean soon.

altiara · 05/09/2018 17:01

If they’re a sporty and sweaty type of child they should wash more often and definitely change underwear everyday, shirts/trousers/jumpers change depending on need. Eg- My DS gets through a lot of t shirts due to grass stains.
I’d run a bath and tell him to get in while I washed his clothes. Did he bring any other clothes with him?

AbsentmindedWoman · 05/09/2018 17:03

That's neglectful. Not normal! Children need to be taught good hygiene, to set them up for good self care later on.

What about brushing teeth and washing his face? Did that happen?

CanuckBC · 05/09/2018 17:07

I tell my kids to change underwear and socks, does that mean they do, no. Could be a case of he says he did and didn’t. Although at 6 I definitely was more into checking that they did it. At 10 & 12 they are more on their own unless I start smelling something😖

I would discuss hygiene with him and encourage routine changing of underwear and socks to him.

EwItsAHooman · 05/09/2018 17:07

Wearing the same uniform isn't a big deal, DC get a fresh shirt every day but cardiagns/jumpers and trousers/skirts get reused if they're not dirty.

Underwear and socks should be changed daily.

Mookatron · 05/09/2018 17:09

I'm (frankly) minging but I insist on clean pants/socks every day! I would mention it in a 'is he telling you he's changing his pants because he's not' way.

OutPinked · 05/09/2018 17:10

Does he have underwear packs that come with the same design a few times over? My DS does so it could easily look like he hasn’t changed his undies when in actual fact he has.

Saying that, my DC are absolutely terrible at changing their underwear and need reminding to do so every single day otherwise they just wouldn’t. I’ve started putting fresh underwear on top of their clothes so they don’t forget, it’s very irritating.

OutPinked · 05/09/2018 17:11

And I have to say my DS (8) has been reminded to change undies but not done so. He’s terrible for it. I have no idea why he insists on being so rancid but he does.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/09/2018 17:13

How do you know he's got the same underpants on?

Get his dad to talk to him.

WhoWants2Know · 05/09/2018 17:18

I make my kids get changed out of uniform as soon as they get home, so trousers/skirts/blazers/jumpers usually last more then one day. Pants, shirts and socks are changed every day and baths are supposed to be alternating days but my kids dodge soap with the best of them.

Alpacanorange · 05/09/2018 17:21

I agree it’s poor parenting, but kids lie and can be lazy perhaps he was asked to put clean clothes on and he didn’t. I’m sure the expectations was that he would change his own undercrackers at 6. If he is usually well looked after I’d assume he couldn’t be bothered.

MiggledyHiggins · 05/09/2018 17:22

Any possibility she washed monday's underwear and socks, put hers on him yesterday and returned him in them today?

abbsisspartacus · 05/09/2018 17:23

Year six or age six?

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 17:25

Not unreasonable at all, quite gross for a child to have to wear the same clothes for days and not bathe.

SaucyJack · 05/09/2018 17:30

In the absence of any other suspicions of neglect, I agree with Miggledy.

Maybe his mum was trying to be organised- or (like me) just washes to the top layer of the laundry basket and wears the same thing over and over for about three weeks.

Original poster

RosiePosies · 05/09/2018 17:38

He's age six.

He has two homes, us and his mum and stepdad, so has a whole set up here and a whole set up at his mums in terms of bedroom, toys, and clothes. It's defo the stuff we sent him in.

I agree about uniform - not as bad as underwear.

The socks have come off. Really terrible. We have told him how important it is for him to change his underwear and socks and I am running a bath. His mum is very laissez faire, and he is very lazy in terms of dressing himself, he's year 2 now and I think it's time for him to start maybe taking a bit more responsibility for that?

On top of this all his mums not made sure he's done his homework so we've now got to do 3 nights worth in 1. Not sure if I'm more pissed off at the school setting a ridiculous amount of homework or her for not ensuring he keeps on top of it.

@miggledy not the state their in

OP posts:

Mookatron · 05/09/2018 17:43

The homework thing could be a conscious decision. I don't make my kids do their homework. It's their job. I'll remind them, but if they don't do it they suck up the punishment.

Original poster

RosiePosies · 05/09/2018 17:43

*they're

@saucy unfortunately she has form for being dis-organised, and this isn't a first at all.

I really don't think she's neglectful, I think she just doesn't have the same priorities as other people. She's a bit all over the place really.

I just hope that he doesn't grow up with the attitude that it's ok to not change your socks and pants everyday because he'll never get a bloody girlfriend.

OP posts:

Original poster

RosiePosies · 05/09/2018 17:46

@mookatron can I ask how old yours are? I'm not sure DSS is quite old enough for us to do that

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/09/2018 17:47

He's 6? Give the kid a break. He's not had a bath since he was last at yours then?

DH needs a chat with his mum.

GorgonLondon · 05/09/2018 17:53

Jesus Christ. No, that's not ok. My kids are year 3 and reception. Everything is changed daily except sometimes trousers or skirt/dress on the rare occasion they've stayed clean. Bath every 1-2 days

Losingthewill1 · 05/09/2018 17:54

Jesus what a neglectful mum! I’d be ringing her to ask why she doesn’t give basic care to her kid

Mookatron · 05/09/2018 17:56

Mine are 7 and 9. I remind them and give them the time and opportunity to do it. But I think it's really important they learn early that they're doing it for their benefit not mine, so I will not get into a war about it. Homework has been left undone about twice.

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