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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Applied for a credit card and didn't tell DH

65 replies

stiltonontoast · 05/09/2018 13:35

I have bad credit history - defaults, ccj's the lot. Not great at being sensible with money (clearly) but have been good for 6+ years now.

Applied for a credit card thinking I'd get turned down - I was successful. Limit is just £200 so thinking I can use it to build up my credit rating / prove I can be trusted with money a bit.

I haven't told DH yet, not sure if I should.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 05/09/2018 13:35

Please tell him your plan.

Travis1 · 05/09/2018 13:36

I suppose it depends on how your finances are shared?

MakeMineALarge1 · 05/09/2018 13:37

Of course you should tell him!

You will very quickly find yourself with a much greater credit limit than the £200 you have started with!

Original poster

stiltonontoast · 05/09/2018 13:37

We pay for everything 50/50, we have separate bank accounts and we rent - so no shared mortgage.

OP posts:

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/09/2018 13:39

Well I would have thought you would have told him before applying, telling him after seems quite deceitful.

The trouble is if you have been so poor with money in the past and he has supported you through that he may see this as reverting back to those prior ways, especially if you are hiding it from him.

SpiritedLondon · 05/09/2018 13:39

It wouldn’t occur to me to tell my DH but I have my own current account and pay my own credit card bill. Has he ever had to bail you out due to your mishandling of finances? If so then I think it’s reasonable to tell him that you’ve got it.

ThanksHunkyJesus · 05/09/2018 13:40

Is there a reason you're worried about your credit rating? Ie do you need to apply for a mortgage ? It seems like a slippery slope to me. Especially if you hide it.

FlotSHAMnJetson · 05/09/2018 13:44

I was in the same situation.

I've had my credit card for two years and I've never had more than 50% of the credit limit used in that time, it's useful for emergencies (like the time I forgot my pin number in the petrol station, my husband is fully aware I have it and because he trusts me I don't want to let him down.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2018 13:44

I think it depends on your husband's attitude to money and whether he's ever been financially controlling. It's difficult to tell from your OP but if you and he have always been open about money and you have a good relationship I think letting him know would be sensible. Do you know what cards he has?

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 05/09/2018 13:45

Be honest with yourself: did you really do this to build up your credit rating?

What have you been 'not sensible' with money on? What were you spending on? Tbh, your phrasing trivialises it a bit, and it sounds as if you feel now you've 'been good' for a while you 'deserve' to do a bit of spending.

If after honest self-examination you find your motives are coming from that 'not sensible' place, return the card or cut it up.

Original poster

stiltonontoast · 05/09/2018 13:46

I must admit he has had to bail me out in the past, which is why I am scared to tell him about this. He's never been controlling or anything like that - just cautious.

He just has a bank card with an overdraft, he paid all his credit cards off a few years ago.

OP posts:

MysweetAudrina · 05/09/2018 13:46

I think given your history it would be better to tell him. Just in case you find it getting out of control, then it will be much worse if he finds out you owe 1,000 and are struggling with paying it back.

Is there a reason why you are not telling him? That's what I would try to bottom out

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/09/2018 13:47

I think it depends on your husband's attitude to money and whether he's ever been financially controlling.

I really think this has nothing to do with someone being controlling, not sure what part of the post would make you leap to that conclusion. The OP has admitted she was shit with money, surely it would be natural for her partner to worry if she got a credit card and didn't tell him about it. The worry would be due to her past money problems not because he was financially controlling.

Original poster

stiltonontoast · 05/09/2018 13:48

Thanks @AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight an interesting response.

I think really, my intentions were good to begin with but now I'm going to have £200 at my disposal temptation is luring me. We are ridiculously poor, so I can never afford clothes or treats usually.

Ah, my bad.

OP posts:

SocksRock · 05/09/2018 13:51

I would phone the credit card company and tell them you don’t want it anymore. I know being ridiculously poor must be hard, but credit isn’t a way out of it. And yes, treats are nice now - but consider what they may cost you in the long run?

dalmatianmad · 05/09/2018 13:52

Flip this on its head, how would you feel if your dh had a credit card and didn't tell you.
There is your answer...

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 05/09/2018 13:54

We are ridiculously poor, so I can never afford clothes or treats usually.

Just from this sentence alone I would cancel the card. You are already thinking of the treats you would purchase with this money, not the sensible nature of using it for emergencies.

Don't feel ashamed money problems can be a hard nut to crack but you are doing well without this card and you will continue to be fine in future without the lure of this 'free' money hanging over you.

SocksRock · 05/09/2018 13:54

FWIW, I have also been shockingly bad with money in the past and spent 10 years with no credit at all because I couldn’t trust myself. I now do have a credit card, but I am super careful with it, it isn’t on PayPal or Amazon or any website, I don’t carry it in my purse, it lives in a safe place for things like unexpected car emergencies. I still can’t really trust myself with it. My weakness is nice lunchtime food - but when you are spending £10 a day on posh sushi instead of making packed lunches (which I plan for and buy food for) it adds up quickly. Plus maybe a nice top, the odd few balls of posh wool (I’m a knitter) - it spirals really quickly. A few months of just making the minimum payments and boom - all maxed out again and shitting yourself because there is no way of paying it

LeftRightCentre · 05/09/2018 13:55

I think really, my intentions were good to begin with but now I'm going to have £200 at my disposal temptation is luring me. We are ridiculously poor, so I can never afford clothes or treats usually.

Get rid of the card now. You're still shit with money if you're tempted t use the card for treats. Be honest with yourself, you didn't get the card to use for emergencies. You get yourself into a mess again, he may well leave you rather than bail you out again. Similar threads from female OPs who have spouses like you who run up debt again and the OP is nearly 100% told to split rather than bail the person out again.

Lots can't afford treats or clothes usually, that's how it goes. You find ways to manage that don't involve credit borrowing.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 05/09/2018 13:55

If you’ve had no problems for the past six years then your credit history will have improved

Maybe sign up to Noddle and check - it’s free

AlecTrevelyan006 · 05/09/2018 13:56

And tell your partner

KanielOutis · 05/09/2018 13:56

Don't do this. £200 is a huge amount of money in your situation and you will really struggle to pay it back. Are you otherwise debt free? Can you save up £200 for a splurge and see it as a real achievable treat?

DaffodilPower · 05/09/2018 13:57

Cancel the card - I have been where you are now and it won't end well.

Call the provider and cancel it, then when it arrives chop it up and throw it away.

Get a prepaid debit card and out £200 on it. Then when you spend it, you can top it up, that will be like paying back the credit card but with no interest/late payment fees etc.

youmeandconchitawurst · 05/09/2018 13:57

you're fooling yourself. sounds like your self-control isn't great, and that easy access is going to make it really hard for you to exercise any.

if you want to have the advantages from the credit rating perspective, don't cancel it. cut it up and distribute the remains around several different bins. that way you have access to credit but you're never late because you never put anything on it.

if you really need the credit at some point for something really important you can report it lost and they'll send you a new one. this will give you a cooling off period of a couple of days. means you're more likely to spend the money on important stuff like the washing machine breaking down and less likely to fritter on it.

ilovesooty · 05/09/2018 13:57

HeadsDown I said whether - wondering if it was a possibility. The fact that the OP didn't tell him before she applied made me wonder.

I have a credit card after settling a lot of debt. My credit limit started at £300 and has recently gone up to £800. It's set up to pay off in full every month and I've never used more than 50% of the credit available at any time. I did get it to use for credit building purposes and not to buy luxuries.

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