argument about bullying with DD

[Hadalifeonce]

A girl at school has an issue with DD; they have been good friends for about 4 years. DD has done nothing wrong, and can't understand why this girl is behaving this way (blocked her on social media etc.) Back at school this week DD was a bit concerned about how this would play out as they share several classes.
When I collected DD last night, I asked her how it went, she said it was awkward, and is planning to talk with this girl in private today. She said that other girls were telling her they can't understand why this other girl is being so unreasonable. I told her that although I know she has done nothing wrong, she needs to be careful about how this is all playing out, as the other girl may feel there is bullying going on if other girls are siding with DD. This is the argument, she says she isn't being bullied as nobody is saying anything to her directly, I tried to explain that bullying isn't just saying and doing things to someone, it can be done indirectly. She wasn't having any of it, and a heated discussion ensued about what bullying was.
When we got home, I googled covert bullying, and put a copy in front of her, telling her to read it. I was going out, so we didn't have time to discuss it.
When I got home DH said she had spoken to him and told him we had had a difference of opinion and I had over reacted. I was seething, and told him there was no difference of opinion; she had an opinion, I had facts!
AIBU to want to continue this discussion with DD?

Sorry for the length of this post

You may also find that the friends who are saying to your Dd that they have no.idea what's going on are also listening to the other girl and saying "I can't believe she did that!" Etc.
I think her plan to talk privately is fine as long as it is carefully done. But what would worry me is that with no witnesses either girl could be put in a bad situation either genuinely or by the other one claiming things were said that didn't happen

DD doesn't believe this other girl could be bullying her by her blocking on social media. This is the scary thing, and I am very aware of this type of thing, as a friend's child was having exactly these kinds of problems. They were coming home everyday really upset because someone was telling lies about them, and trying to get others the exclude them, This child did not believe they were being bullied because the bully wasn't actually doing it to them, didn't want the mum to contact the school, because it's not bullying according to the child. I feel as a parent I have to protect my child, not only from being bullied, but also possibly being seen to be bullying, but what am I supposed to do if a child doesn't even consider it to be bullying?

I think your approach (if it’s exactly as you wrote it and there weren’t other conversations with your DD about how she was feeling) probably felt like an attack to your DD. She’s already been isolated and blocked by a so called friend which feels really shitty, and then had you all but accuse her of bullying.

I get where you were coming from, but the approach was all wrong.

What your Dd was asking for was emotional support, what you have given her is a print out on covert bullying (which ahs not taken place) you have totally failed to empathise with her situation. She told you how she was going to tackle the problem by talking to the other girl - that's a very sensible approach, instead of supporting her, you told her her behaviour could be seen as bullying, Not suprised she has gone to her Dad, hope he can be more help to her.

Sounds like you want to be right, more than you want to be helpful.

I didn't accuse her of bullying, I suggested that having loads of girls telling her they were on her side (which, by the way I completely see where they are coming from) could be unhelpful, as she has no idea what they may be saying to the other girl. Which is why I support her talking 1 to 1 to try to work out what's happening. Because I didn't want to have a really lengthy post, I didn't put in the entire conversation we had before the 'It's not bullying if someone doesn't do it to you' conversation. Apologies for the omission in my OP.
I need to go now to collect her, hopefully this whole situation has been resolved one way or another.

Ok that makes more sense, I hope it’s been resolved now.

FWIW she sounds like a sensible lass, and her approach was brilliant. Sadly she can’t control what others do, and also isn’t responsible for it.