Pick up and drop off

[Mummybear80]

First off, apologies If I'm posting in the wrong section, just looking for advice before I go to the citizens advice this morning.

So so not to drip feed, partner of 17 years and I split 3 years ago, three dd's, I moved 20 miles away to have a fresh start with the dd's, our relationship has always been amicable but I did have to fight to get child maintenance but it's still a family based arrangement (240) per month, ex partner was earning 35k and was only paying me £80 per month up until a few months ago when my mum pushed me to go to then said for advice and they done the calculator and £240 was what he was meant to be paying, granted he did start paying it.

Unfortunately he is being made redundant after 12 years at the same company and spoke to me last night to tell me he can no longer pay child maintenance and if he does it will be what the government deems as acceptable which is £5 per week, ( I'm in Scotland) obviously that's a big drop but the issue is the pick up and drop off, I have always dropped them to him and picked them up as he says " It was your choice to move" which it was but I'm spending £20 per week on petrol and now that I'm only going to be getting £20 a month from him I'm going to struggle to pay the £80 per month in petrol.

I'm trying to see if I have any leg to stand on asking him to at least do 50/50 split, he is point blank refusing and I have offered that if he can at least just pay me £20 a week for the petrol I will still do the pick ups and drop off, just to clarify I am not money grabbing and I know that his redundancy package is an untaxable income therefore he doesn't have to pay any maintenance until he gets another job, and if he goes into job seekers allowance then he will have to pay £7 a week but I just don't want the girls missing out on seeing their father.

Not to be a complete arse but he is still spending upwards of £30 a week on red wine and I just think if he can do that he can at least give me petrol money and get his priorities right!

Sorry for the ramble and if you have got this far then thanks very much.

Just don't do the pick up/drop offs anymore. If he can't be bothered to come and see them when he's not even working then so be it

You have been far too kind for far too long here. He's an arse.

What sort of a person earns £35k and gives £80 a month for his DC?

As long as you make sure you are clear you want to help facilitate contact but can't afford it, I think you should stand your ground.

How often does he see the DC? £240 actually sounds too low to me as it is.

Difficult one. Keep the conversation re petrol costs open and factual (rather than emotive) so he has opportunity to make a decision to contribute should he change his mind?

But do ask yourself - in the future, what do you want your DDs to remember? All the driving you did so you could help them maintain a relationship with their father, or, their father lost his job and you stopped them seeing him?

A harsh over-simplification of the situation, perhaps. But kids wont know (and shouldn't have put on them) the stresses and complexities of these things.

When my ExH left me he moved 100miles away (just for the sake of it, I believe, although he claimed it was for work purposes). He took me to Court after a few years to try and get me to drive our dds to his every other weekend. He was successful in so far as I was ordered to drive them half way. I don’t think YABU to request 50/50 or petrol. I think you have been very reasonable so far and surely your dc’s will see this too whatever your ExP decides to do. It’s up to him then isn’t it. Good luck.

Thanks everyone, just heading to the citizens advice now so will update later.