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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do introverts find parenting harder?

26 replies

skinnysecreteater · 05/09/2018 01:58

If you are an introvert, do you think it makes parenting harder (or easier even?)

And is it easier to parent an extroverted kid (who makes friends easily & has qualities you don’t and vice versa) or an introverted one (who you can relate to more?)

I am an introvert in that I really value my own time and recharge when I’m alone. Most of my friends are extroverts and I enjoy working with extroverts but I wondered what it would be like to parent extrovert kids, given that they are quite full on and you can’t escape them!

OP posts:

CSIblonde · 05/09/2018 02:32

Depends. My friend is very introvert. Her daughter's the opposite. Friend does struggle with the bouncy over excitable tendency whereas I don't. (ex teacher, used to over excited 'stuff' ). I'm an introvert too & I find 'opposites get on' is true for me. We balance each other out. I also like extroverts at work: they're easier to 'read' & predict.

stellabird · 05/09/2018 02:33

I'm a complete introvert - not sociable at all. But with my kids I was fine - my daughter was and is extremely extroverted and she had the effect of making me do things I never would have done. And I'm glad she did !

One little example - when she was 3 we moved , and across the road was a girl who had an informal playgroup in her garden once a week. Every week, DD would climb up on a chair and watch the playgroup. She'd call to me and say "kids, Mum !". I was very reluctant to socialise, but she was persistent and I knew that I had to do this for her. So one day I picked her up and we went over and asked , could we join in ? DD was ecstatic, and I ( very cautiously) got to know the other girls who went each week. Some of them became good friends and I was glad that I'd overcome that hurdle.

DD is an adult now - over the years she has made me do many things which were against my introverted nature, but I've always been glad she did.

Our kids alter us in ways that we'd never have imagined - I'm still an introvert but with DD in my life, things are never dull.

Cloglover · 05/09/2018 03:06

I have an introvert and extrovert child. I am a classic introvert. I find parenting the introvert child far more challenging!

molifly · 05/09/2018 03:13

Pre baby I was an introvert but now I am very extrovert and it has really brought me out of my shell

loopylass13 · 05/09/2018 03:21

I am more introvert - of course my extrovert child happily enjoys the limelight and doing full monologs whilst I am the captive audience. It can be hard because I am a thinker and a bit quite, so sometimes not realising I need to talk more or that I need to explain more. I think it is easier with your own child, because you have them from day one, because your behaviour to them is normal and their behaviour to you is normal. You find your own groove even if it looks nothing like what anyone else is doing.

Placebogirl · 05/09/2018 03:35

I am an introvert with one intro and one extro child. The extro child never shuts up, and I feel like I am failing him because I have failed the whole school gate mums thing and he probably needs more playdates and stuff. I don't feel like I am failing the intro child anything like as much.

Foslady · 05/09/2018 03:43

I’m introverted, but you push yourself when you have a child, she has given me confidence to try things I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 05/09/2018 03:57

I’m an introvert with an introvert here. It’s hard work. He doesn’t like big groups of people and prefers to play with me at the park because he enjoys complex games. I can’t switch off there or at home because I have to keep pace with what he’s talking about. I also have two year old twins though not sure if they will be intro yet.I find it exhausting trying to split myself between them all and look enviously at the other mums who are sitting down reading their phones or chatting with other mums while their kids are socialising.

When DP gets home and we get them all in bed he wants to make conversation too and I just feel like silently staring at a wall to recharge a bit. It’s making me go a bit loopy.

AgentJohnson · 05/09/2018 06:13

DD is a social butterfly and has made me less introverted. I still prefer my own space but watching the ease in which she fits in, makes me less anxious at fitting in.

BogstandardBelle · 05/09/2018 06:21

I read a definition of introvert / extrovert that is based not on how loud / quiet etc one is, but that it’s more about what you do to recharge yr batteries when you feel tired / down / low : do you seek time alone (introvert) or do you seek out company (extrovert)? I’m a total extrovert, as is my DH and my oldest DS. My parenting life has been filled with baby groups, playgroups, play dates etc - both for me and DS. My BFF OTOH is a total introvert. She has found it very hard not every being able to get away from her own DD, and struggled to joinin with many social activities. She has had to grit her teeth and do things she really hasn’t wanted to for her DSs sake, and it’s a major reason for only having one child. So yep, I think parenting can be harder for introverts as it’s very hard to get that recovery time alone when you’ve got children.

ImEoinMcLove · 05/09/2018 08:31

I’m a classic introvert - quite sociable but need my own headspace to chill out. I found the lack of time to myself, or even just the ability to have quiet time in my head to be by far the hardest thing about being a parent, definitely.

Not sure if ds is intro or extro yet but as he grows it’s become so much easier - he can entertain himself for a few minutes at a time so my brain gets a rest!

tillytrotter1 · 05/09/2018 17:28

I'm totally introverted, I have two 'children' 39 and 41, in all that time I don't recall ever asking others what they think of what I was doing, I always worked on the principle How hard can this be? nor did my circle spend their time discussing their children.
We didn't seem to be as baby-obsessed as mothers are today, ours rarely slept in the same room as us, unless we were on holiday or had visitors and enjoyed being able to go out for an evening.

Rowgtfc72 · 05/09/2018 17:34

Introvert with a very extrovert child. From school age she understood I needed quiet for downtime after shed had noise for hers. She's a total dramallama/performer/loves to be centre stage literally. I've done many things way out of my comfort zone in the last 11 yrs.

catkind · 05/09/2018 17:38

Introvert here. One child introvert, the other probably extrovert I think. I find it easier to parent more extroverted child because she finds her own friends and pesters me to organise meetups, I worry I haven't been proactive enough helping introvert child find friends over the years.

For myself, my kids don't go to sleep early. And I work while they're at school. So find myself staying up very late to get that recharge time. I find it very helpful when they go away to stay with grandparents or sthg, not so much that I have more time as kids are old enough to entertain themselves a lot, but have more head space somehow.

widgetbeana · 05/09/2018 17:39

I've an odd perspective on this.

Before children I was a classic extrovert. Seeking others company and presence. After children I would still class myself an extrovert as it is my natural state, however I seek more alone time and space now. Simply because I get bombarded by my 2 extrovert children 24/7 I need just a little alone time. More Than I ever did before!

Not sure that answers anything, but it did make me stop and muse on the point!

BillywigSting · 05/09/2018 17:46

I'm an introvert in that while I am quite sociable and enjoy spending time with people, I find it exhausting.

Ds is very outgoing, not all shy and makes friends at the drop of a hat. I think he might be somewhat introverted too though as he most definitely knows when he's had enough of company.

I think both of us being quite similar helps, in that we like to spend some time together, but also both need alone time.

So he will come home from school and take himself to play on his own for a bit in his room or in the garden, we both get a bit of head space and are both in a generally good mood when it's time to be in company again at say tea time.

I don't know how well I would cope with a very extroverted child though, as I really can start to loose my cool if I don't get a bit of time alone every day.

0lgaDaPolga · 05/09/2018 17:55

I’m a huge introvert. My son is only 15 months so I don’t yet know if he will be introverted or extroverted but I am finding parenting a lot easier than I thought I would. I need time to myself and enjoy my own company so I thought it would be difficult being around him all day and hardly ever getting a break but I don’t. It might be different when he is older but at the moment I sort of feel like he is an extension of me so I don’t feel like I need time away from him iyswim. It can be hard being ‘on’ all the time as I’m naturally a quiet person but it’s nowhere near as hard as I worried it might be.

Djnoun · 05/09/2018 18:14

I'm not either, but autistic. I found parenting my very chatty son exhausting. It sounds dreadful, but I used to cringe at the sound of his voice. It's not so bad now he is nearly eight. But in his toddler years, I would sometimes cry with the frustration. I can ask him to be quiet and give me space now, so it's much better.

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 18:23

Not so much the parenting as in parent-child relationship but having to mix with other parents. I found that very difficult unless they were people I knew well but made an effort. Was never quite comfortable though at school events, etc.

My child grew up to be fairly extrovert, confident, but liking own company and space too. Which is fine.

JoyTheUnicorn · 05/09/2018 18:26

I'm autistic and find parenting difficult at times.
I HE ds2 who is autistic but needs to be very busy all the time and is quite an extrovert. , I have a limit to how much I can do and am constantly exhausted and overwhelmed.
I can't cope with constant bickering from the children and not being able to switch off.
Djnoun my youngest never stops talking, I end up setting a timer so he knows to stop occasionally!

Djnoun · 05/09/2018 18:29

@JoyTheUnicorn I totally understand.

My son used to wake me up in the morning at 5am with a torch shining in my face so that he could ask me more questions!

Satsumaeater · 05/09/2018 18:29

I do find certain aspects of being a parent hard eg having to do the whole social bit - having to make friends of other parents so they'll invite your offspring to their offsprings' parties etc. It's such a relief when the kids get old enough to make their own friends and don't care who their parents do and don't like.

Just saw that I have more or less cross-posted with Rebecca, glad it's not just me.

Snape · 05/09/2018 18:30

I consider myself an introvert and to be honest I do find aspects of parenting difficult. The small talk at the school gates and parties is excruciating for me however, I do push myself to attend as much as I can for my children's sake.

I sometimes feel like a wound up clock since having children, there's just no respite except the hour here or there I can grab when DH is home. My two youngest DDs are complete extroverts who need attention and talk constantly.

alardi · 05/09/2018 18:44

I think being introv makes parenting harder for me b/c I HATE organising other people's lives. I also like my space & feel puzzled that DC want to spend so much time with me. I'm baffled by the occasional message on here lamenting that a DC prefers someone else (sounds fab to me!).

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 05/09/2018 18:46

I find the noise quite hard - screaming, screeching, shouting, arguing etc. I also found the baby and toddler phase hard because some days you have no time for yourself. Now mine are 7 and 9 they give me plenty of space on a standard day so the noise is the main issue.

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