Normal nursery policy??

[mammalazarou]

Hi
Second time posting this so hope it works. DS started nursery today. He's 3. He seemed very happy and I stayed with him for around 30 mins or so. I said to his key worker I think it'll be ok for me to leave she said that's fine and distracted him. I also told another member of staff and she said that was fine to leave. When I got out into the reception I could hear my DS crying. The manager came out at this point and started asking me questions how long had I been there had I filled out forms etc. I Explained how long I had been there and yes I had filled out the forms a few weeks previously with her. She said you aren't going anywhere you have to stay with him all day. I said this hadn't been explained to me. ( not on the induction day or any paperwork). I said ok that's fine no worries I'll stay. When I went back into the room the nursery worker said to me when they cry we call the parents to come and collect them. I found this quite strange as clearly most children will cry at nursery regardless of age and how long they have been attending nursery. Obviously i wouldn't leave him screaming or distressed but a little cry and whinge is normal surely. So Aibu to think this is not normal protocol?

I've had three kids in three different nurseries, and that's never been the policy. Usually when they cry the teachers are ushering the parents out the door because it's easier to settle them without the parents there.

Thanks for your reply. That's exactly what I thought. I have an older DD and this never happened although it was a different nursery.

Not policy at my ds’s nursery. They’d call if they could sort him out or figure out what was wrong. But it’d be the last thing in the list of things to do to make him happy again.

Not normal at all. Mine told me they never call the parents when crying unless completely inconsolable, as they will quickly learn that crying gets Mummy back. They don't mind if you stay or go at drop off, but easier for them to do their jobs if you go as easier to settle.

If they cry and cry and they can't get them to settle at all after a while then they cry. Would this have been what they meant maybe? Cos if they call at any cry then they'd be calling all the time

Christ no. Me being there for ages then leaving probably would have been more likely to start ds off than me cheerfully dropping off and saying goodbye.

That nursery must be half full most days if they send home all the children who cry at drop off!

Not normal to call parents if kids cry but if it’s the first day it might have been down as a “settling visit” and so not in ratios?

Never come across this. When they cry, the staff soothe them rather than calling the parents straight away. That's just odd.

Sounds unusual. Children usually (although not always) settle better when they parents have gone, most settings would call if the child didn't setting in a reasonable time or was particularly upset but not for normal upset that can be distracted.

I know of settings with the rule that if a parent/carer leaves the child but but then goes back in to the child because they are upset they will usually need to take the child home and try again the next session. This is just to stop it being confusing for the child though.

Haha that's true. She said if it was a little cry then they would leave it but if not they would call me. Of course he's going to cry and when he cries he really goes for it! I'm dreading tomorrow already.

Exactly he will think I will come back every time he has a little cry, he will
Never settle if they don't let me leave!

It was the first day that's why I of course stayed and let it go but I can't do this every day. I have an older child that needs to go to school too. They have suggested coming to the nursery after the school run but I don't want to have to stay every day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Uh, no, that's ridiculous. What's the point of nursery if they have to call you back any time your child cries? They cry every day! If they were truly unwell and inconsolable, I suspect maybe they would, like if they were hysterical for hours (though I'm just guessing here). I've gotten calls because of a particularly nasty injury or a fever or other illness, but never about crying. I was always reassured that I could call if I needed to know they were okay (though I never did). Surely, it's their job as nursery workers to support them and help settle them, assuming they are otherwise well?

Thanks so much. My thoughts exactly! I thought I was in the wrong but thankfully you all seem to agree it's not the norm

When DD started nursery (albeit v young!) they told me don't worry, if she cries too long we'll call you to come collect. They made it an offer to reassure me but it panicked me so much! Somehow they never followed thru on this though

No. I've had three children in three different nurseries and that's not been the policy in any.

For induction they often want you to stay there, as they may not have the ratios to cover your child yet. It sounds like you were given very mixed messages though.

I wouldn't want to leave an upset child during settling in. If they settled quickly then ok, but otherwise I would want to go back.

Hi there was a high ratio of staff to children there. Like I said I would never leave him very upset.

I wonder if it was only said to reassure you in case you felt bad about going?

That's completely ridiculous.

Took my DD a good couple of months at least to stop crying when I left her at nursery. The staff said it usually lasted 10 minutes and then she was fine. What's the point of him going to nursery if you have to stay with him? I'd be finding a different nursery to be honest. If they can't cope with a crying child that would raise concerns for me!

I don't think so, manager spoke to me like I was one of the children!

I understand your point believe me I've already thought of other nurseries in the area! How long should I give him to settle? Like I explained earlier this is all new to me as my daughter was settled from the start.

You should be able to leave him after the initial induction period. It's the staff's job to settle him, that's what you pay them for (and a lot of bloody money too!), what if you had to go to work?!

That's very true. I'm a carer for my daughter too so always have to be at the ready in case something comes up at school. I explained that today too but don't think it registered with them much.

I'd go before school drop off, then you have to leave.
Seems a daft rule, I was a childminder and I'd text parents as soon as they'd stopped crying to put their minds at ease.

That's very very weird. We always hated it when parents stuck around for ages because it made it very hard for us to settle their children. Especially when they were looking through the windows etc. and the children spotted them. So, no, this is not normal.