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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday party invites

21 replies

pearpickingporky84 · 04/09/2018 20:45

DS is in P3, he has a smallish class and is inviting the whole class to his birthday party but there is one child in the class who cannot attend parties for religious reasons.I have invited her for the past 2 years and the invitation has obviously been turned down. Would it be unreasonable not to invite her this year? On one hand it feels wrong to leave one child out but on the other hand it feels wrong to invite her knowing she won’t be able to go and letting her know what she’s missing out on!

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 04/09/2018 20:51

Would it not be worse for them to see the invitations going out to everyone except them

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 20:52

There's a boy in DS's class who never ever attends parties (although I'm not sure why). I always send out the invite anyway but don't bother chasing up when I don't get a reply.

AhHaaa · 04/09/2018 20:53

When the parents have previously declined have they actually said it's because of their faith? If so, then no I wouldn't send an invitation as they've already made it clear twice. Keep doing it and it may seem like you're being deliberately rude.

If however, they have declined in the past, but not given a reason why and you're just presuming it's because of their faith, then yes I probably still would send one. Or speak to the parents first and invite in person before sending out paper invites.

EleanorLavish · 04/09/2018 20:54

I know, I know, people have faith and that’s their thing.
But jeez, you can’t got to a party? I think that’s sad.

witchy89 · 04/09/2018 21:06

It's not the child's fault that they aren't allowed to go, I would invite them anyway. If their family is that religious then they probably feel left out with a lot of things. I would probably discretely bring a party bag in for them as well after the party, or at least a slice of cake.

Quangot · 04/09/2018 21:10

Invite her anyway, so she knows she would have been welcome.

HopeGarden · 04/09/2018 21:12

Won’t she know what she’s missing out on anyway? Your DS and the other kids may well talk about the party. The kids in my DC’s classes talk about parties.

At least if she gets invites then she’ll know the other kids want to include her, even if she can’t go.

John4703 · 04/09/2018 21:15

Can you have the party on a different day so all of the children in the class can attend? I am guessing that you are having the party on a Saturday or Sunday.

QuickNC123 · 04/09/2018 21:16

Ask her parents what they like you to do?x

tiggerbounce77 · 04/09/2018 21:17

I would still had out an invite, it must feel awful seeing everyone in her class getting an invite but not being given one yourself.
Please don't sneak cake and a party bag in for her, if her religion doesn't allow her to celebrate birthdays then it is wrong to go behind her parents back, you would undermine her parents.

BlackLambAndGreyFalcon · 04/09/2018 21:19

I'm guessing that the issue is that the family are Jehovah's witnesses and therefore moving the date won't make a difference - they won't allow the child to attend as they don't celebrate any birthday parties.

MrsDeanWinchester75 · 04/09/2018 21:19

There's a girl in dd's class who never goes to parties or participates in any social events such as discos, I still invite her even though.

Hellywelly10 · 04/09/2018 21:20

What quick said.

HopeGarden · 04/09/2018 21:20

I am guessing that you are having the party on a Saturday or Sunday.

The day of the party isn’t necessarily the issue. Some religions, e.g. Jehovahs Witnesses, don’t allow the celebration of birthdays at all.

Medea13 · 04/09/2018 21:21

Are they Jehovah's Witnesses? They don't do birthdays, among many weird practices. Such a shame it has to affect the child's social life.

witchy89 · 04/09/2018 21:25

I wasn't implying you should sneak a party bag in behind parents back, I meant don't do it in front of all the kids in a busy classroom!

Wearywithteens · 04/09/2018 21:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 04/09/2018 21:27

Why not just give her the invitation anyway? Sad that her parents refuse to let her go, but it’d be worse to make it obvious that she isn’t invited anyway.

Original poster

pearpickingporky84 · 04/09/2018 21:29

Thanks for the replies, she’s not a Jehovah’s Witness but Exclusive Bretheren and not allowed to attend any parties or social events with people who are not members of her church!
Yes the Mum has told me in person that invites have been declined because of their religion.
Last year I handed the invite directly to the Mum while acknowledging that I knew she wouldn’t be able to attend but didn’t like to exclude her but it felt a bit awkward .
Ahhaaa- yes I’m worried it will look like deliberate rudeness by inviting her again or as if I don’t agree with them not allowing her to go
Quick- I think that would be the best option but we’re planning to hand them out tomorrow as there’s not long left until the party 😬. May write one for her anyway and then try to nab the Mum in the morning to ask!
Thanks for all the replies

OP posts:

Original poster

pearpickingporky84 · 04/09/2018 21:30

witchy- I may actually do that as I don’t think the parents would have an objection to that as there doesn’t seem to be a problem when other children bring cakes and sweets in for birthdays!

OP posts:

SpookyMuldersMum · 04/09/2018 21:41

How utterly ridiculous, poor kid. I’d invite her anyway so she’s not left out.

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