To think this is rude

[Sony3203]

My DP and his entire family all slap their mouths very badly when eating regardless of what they are eating and I find it extremely annoying and rude especially when at the dinner table. I never know how to ask them to stop politely but it always really puts me off my own food. His younger sister is also constantly ill and therefore has a stuffy nose all year round which she never does anything about and never uses a tissue or anything. Her nose is always full so she always just very obviously and loudly 'breathes' it back in and decides to breather through her mouth instead. She always does his while eating dinner as well and the noise of her snotty nose really grossed me out when trying to eat my food. Would this bother you? Do you think IABU?

Not rude. If they all eat like that, it is their family way of eating.

It differs from yours. And is not how i would choose to eat, but they are relaxed with their family. And you chose to marry into this family.

Either dh and all his family have suddenly developed stomach wrenching table manners (odd to all develop together). Or you never ate with them before marriage (uncommon). Or your tolerance has changed.

If your tolerance has changed, why? Why does it bother you now, but didn't before?

Yanbu to find their habits unsavoury. But it is a relaxed family meal, not dinner with the queen (who I have read would tend to put fellow diners at their ease and not point out bad habits. But I'm highly unlikely to find this out for myself).

Your only options are to be terribly rude and make your guests or hosts self conscious by pointing it out. Or never eat with them again. Or learn to tune it out.

I suspect, like many noises, you noticed it once and now all the time it draws your attention. You can learn to ignore it if you try. Focus on what you love about the person. Focus on conversation. On the taste and mouth feel of the food. On the background music.

Or it will just irritate you more and more

I have a lovely friend, we could go on amazing holidays together but her eating noises make me gag so it won't ever happen

@BertieBott
“There are some cultures where it is good manners to make chewing noises to show you are enjoying the food.”
DD got roundly told off in India for her polite eating and her inevitable holiday tummy was blamed on eating with her mouth closed.

OP we have similar family members and vie to sit not facing them and not next them. We’re also chattier than we would be usually to drown out the noise.
It’s a real ‘wear slippers’ situation.

@Hoopaloop don't even get me started on that....

@RandomMess hit me up next time you're planning on going somewhere, I will happily tag along and will cause no issues regarding eating habits and table manners

Lol, I go through this with a couple of work colleagues. One of them sits next to me and he loudly Gulps his water with his head tilted back. I just want to shout “Stahp!!” The woman sniffs up her snotty nose, all day. Grrrrr

Even reading this thread is making me ragey..,

It doesn't matter what my boss eats it sounds like he is slurping soup, there is a part wall between us and I hide behind it covering my ears as it literally makes me gag 🤢🤮🤢

God I can't cope with this at all. I don't think you can say anything to his family but surely you can ask DP to stop it. My DH used to eat really loudly and I nagged him incessantly (the one thing I'm a nag about) and he stopped. (In return I gave up my annoying habit - akin to biting nails but don't want to say what it is as it's too identifying :)).

This would make me very ragey. Maybe have a retching session followed by some projectile vomiting straight unto her plate

Urghhh poor eating habits are so annoying but breathing back snot or 'snooking up' is something I find unforgivable. I'm aware that I may have a lack of self control but I have in the past asked several people to stop doing it and offered them tissues to deal with offending snot. I'm usually polite and tactful but hearing some people loudly inhale their own mucus pushes me right over the edge.

I'm sorry OP but this would have been a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't have been able to get past it at the beginning of a relationship with your DP/ any noisy eater. You're a more patient person than me to help him eat less noisily.

This drives me MAD! Everyone seems to do it

My mother in law, without fail, licks her lips and makes mmmmmm noises when the food arrives at the table.

Makes me want to scream

Forget the rest of the family, you are going to see them infrequently I guess. But maybe say gently to the partner, like "darling, could you possibly try to eat a bit quieter? You might not notice this, but it's quite prominent" something along these lines, but with a smile - to soften it. Just please, for the sake of all that is wonderful in the world, don't use the words 'disgusting" , "gross" etc. It mustn't sound as a rebuff or telling off, or humiliate.

Ah and the "cultural" differences mentioned earlier. True, some nationalities having a habit of loud eating is unattractive to you and me. But we all do something another person might find unappealing, let's not get too princessey about it. I, as a foreigner, was surprised and put off by what seems to be the British way of washing dishes: not rinsing off foam, and mucking in a bowl of greasy water, rather than washing and rinsing everything under the running tap ... Dishwashers save this country, no doubt.

And please do enlighten me how exactly one is supposed to wash hands in a basin with separate taps. Why is there a plug? Is it that you fill the basin with water, wash your hands and let the water out, leaving the soap and dirt on the basin? Gosh you'd be cleaning those basins all days ...

When I met DH he was like a pig snuffling in a trough of slops. I'm glad we hadn't had a dinner together early on in the relationship or I would have probably not opted for the second or third dates due to my eating misophonia.

We were pretty well invested in the relationship when I discovered how he really ate meals. (We had eaten before together but light snacks like hotdogs or a Greggs pasty, always in a place where I couldn't hear the chomping and slurping). It turned out that the "smacking" noises as we call it in Scotland wasn't the worst of it. He ate dinners with his fork held directly through his closed fist and held his elbow out at eye level. The plate was also lifted off the table. He didn't use a knife at all and would break the food up with the side of the fork or grab a steak for example on the end of it and rip bits off with his teeth.

I discovered this in a very, very naice restaurant.

With my whole extended family in attendance.

Polite as they were, most of us couldn't hide the looks on our faces as the conversations stopped and everyone was looking at him with a "wtf?" face.

He doesn't eat like that now (been trained for 15 years now! 😂) and he even knows how to use a knife but I do still have to pull him up on the awful slappy, sloppy, chompy noises he sometimes makes. If I don't I worry I could get to the point of screeching, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UUUUUPPP!!!"

OP do you have kids together? I found that loudly correcting your children about making horrible noises eating tends to make others notice they are doing it.

And please do enlighten me how exactly one is supposed to wash hands in a basin with separate taps.

It's a relic of poor plumbing that has become tradition. I didn't realise how silly it was until I lived abroad and could go to the bathroom and wash my hands at one comfortable temperature.

TwoOddSocks
yep, I grew up in a country with mixer taps. Often an [old generation] English patriotic person would justify this odd 2-tap arrangement by saying "oh it's so that you don't end up drinking from the tap where hot water was" which I think was a bit lame but hey.
The old sinks with 2 taps are good in a way that they are deep enough to wash some clothes by hand, for example, and the old 2 taps rarely leak, unlike the modern mixers which do. So yeah, it's never perfect :)

I think the way forward is to correct your children loudly in the hope that the adults listen too. With regard to the snot, I would have to say something, probably along the lines of ‘do you need to blow your nose? there are some tissues in the bathroom, please go and help yourself..’

Hmm ... another thought. Guardian Blind Dates section (where people are booked in a restaurant) has a question about table manners. I always wondered what they mean by that. Loud eating as OP described? That's where I'd stop.
I eat in an odd way: cut everything with knife (in a right hand) and fork (in a left one), then put the knife down and eat with a fork. It's easier for me that way, I want to enjoy food rather than impress anyone with my breeding, and I don't make noises. And if someone took an issue with that, I'd say "bog off mate".

MIL, as lovely as she is, has a terrible habit of talking with her mouth open. Wide open so you can see all the food inside 🤢 DH pulls her up on it every time considering what a stickler she normally is for manners, but she still forgets herself. Then DH tells her off again! I just try and position myself as far away as possible at the table.

God I wouldn't be able to look at her YouBetter. Seeing young dc eat/talk with their mouths open makes me feel sick let alone an adult. Good that your DH pulls her up though, shame she ignores him though 🤢

Several ear plugs in each ear. Or some of them overhead noise defenders.

Some people are just not fit for company.

I know it's irrational but it makes me reflect badly on their character!

I once watched a friend put ketchup all over her meal (including on baked beans which makes me gag - something about the two tomato sauces together one hot one cold and different textures is WRONG) before proceeding to actually HOOVER her meal - I mean, no conversation, barely pausing for breath while making an odd satisfied humming noise throughout.

I know it's terrible but it really disgusted me. From that point on, I couldn't help but think "greedy pig with no self constraint", whenever I saw her. Should point out that the fated meal took place in a restaurant where I always think the point is to make some effort to chat at the same time seeing as you've paid someone to prepare the food, rather than just shovel the grub in at breakneck speed. I still grimace at the memory.