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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To send dd6 to her room

41 replies

Flowerypig · 04/09/2018 17:28

Dd6 and ds4 were having tea ( dinner, supper- what ever) and kicking each other under the table, messing around and generally not eating. I asked them twice to stop kicking. They ignored me. I then shouted for them to stop NOW! Ds stopped. Ds snorted at me and pushed away her plate (nearly untouched- food she had requested). I told her “there’ll be no more till breakfast tomorrow” she then gave ds an extra kick. I told her not to be so stupid as I could see what she was doing as I was right there. She replied with “i’m Not stupid- you are!” So I sent her to her room both for the kicking and the rudeness.
Aibu just to leave her up there with no tea? She had a big lunch (special end of holidays pizza express lunch, actually) so won’t starve.....but should I ask her to come down and have some toast/ cereal before bed? I am fed up of her messing about at meal times and lost my temper...and did say she wouldn’t get any more. I should back down and make sure she eats before bed right? Make sure we don’t go to be on an argument? Or stand by my guns and make her realise if you reject a perfectly adequate tea you realise the consequences.
What should I do?

OP posts:

NotTakenUsername · 04/09/2018 17:51

If she usually has supper you are withholding food.
Otherwise I’d have no problem with this.

NotTakenUsername · 04/09/2018 17:51

By supper I mean a bedtime snack.

SilverGiraffe7 · 04/09/2018 17:56

Is her dinner still available? If it was then personally I would go up, ask if she's calm and would like a second chance at behaving appropriately and eating her dinner.
Then you are standing by what you said whilst allowing for repairing where it went wrong.

tiggerbounce77 · 04/09/2018 17:56

Don't let her go to bed on a bad note, apologise for being harsh after all we are the grown ups and we sh oiuld be able to hold our hands up when we have gone to far. Make sure she understands that she also went to far and she also needs to apologise to you and her younger sibling.
Don't use food as a form of control, it may come back to bite you on the bottom years down the line.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 17:57

I do think you need to give yourself a break we have all said things in the heat of the moment (I hate the word stupid but I have lost it and said it once or twice)

Personally I think it's a strength in parenting to apologise and recognise you made a mistake using the word (my DP never used to apologise at all and saw it as a weakness it made me lose respect for them as I got older)

But I think you are sensible to see the consequence through now you've given it

She isn't sitting up there hungry,she had a big lunch and pushed her plate away.

Perhaps go up when she's calmed down apologise for the shouting and word use but explain that she crossed the boundary by continuing when you had told her to stop

I honestly don't see this as withholding food , you are not using it as a reward and if she hadn't eaten much today I'm sure it would have been different

Mainly give yourself a break and take a deep breath we all bugger up on occasion it's not the end of the world

CherryPavlova · 04/09/2018 17:57

Perfectly reasonable. Maybe a drink and slice of toast with a cuddle before bed.

Original poster

Flowerypig · 04/09/2018 18:00

Yep, i’ve gone up and we’ve had a
Chat and made up. I should ‘t Have lost my temper or used the word stupid ( note: i didn’t call her stupid, but her behaviour) she apologised for the kickingand rudeness. She turned down more food anyway. Feel bit better now.

OP posts:

serbska · 04/09/2018 18:23

Yay! Happy update.

I’m glad you both had a cuddle and haven’t gone to bed with bad feeling.

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 18:27

I agree with others definitely offer her some food before bed but obviously something fairly boring (toast? banana?) not a cookie!

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 18:28

Ooo sorry missed the update - happy ending :)

YeTalkShiteHen · 04/09/2018 18:30

Lovely update OP, I’m so glad it’s all sorted now!

mama17 · 04/09/2018 18:33

I would see if through. You are not being unreasonable but she may end up hungry in the night so maybe take her a banana and milk x

RomanyRoots · 04/09/2018 18:34

Harsh calling her names, you are making a rod for your own back.
You need to follow through with punishments otherwise she'll know your word means nothing.
I used to send mine away until able to apologise/ calm down etc.
They could eat their food cold, micro waved or do without, certainly nothing special after behaving badly.

babysharksmummy · 04/09/2018 18:36

I sympathize - my DS is the worst eater and I dread every meal time.
I echo PPs who say that the withholding of food as punishment is not a good idea.
I'm in the camp that if you say something you shouldn't (for example threatening no more food) it's totally okay to apologize to your child and teaches them that they are equals to you.
Go up with toast and fruit, and both say sorry to each other. All friends again and nobody goes to bed on an argument.

babysharksmummy · 04/09/2018 18:37

Sorry just read update also. Happy ending

mrsmuddlepies · 04/09/2018 18:44

Well done OP, a happy ending. Withholding food is harsh and not something schools and nurseries would be allowed to do. I am so glad you had the courage and good sense to apologise and start afresh. You sound like a good mum!

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