Sons toxic ex girlfriend back in our lives

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Long back story but briefly my DD caught my DS's girlfriend cheating on him at a party and so told him. GF went ballistic at being caught out and went on to make DD's life absolute hell for the next 18 months, completely ruining her whole Year 11 at school. We're from a small town and gf was in the 'popular' group at school and was very powerful and manipulative, made up lies and rumours and turned lots of people against DD. Really nasty bullying but gf turns on the tears and plays the victim when confronted and seems to get away with it. DS remained besotted with gf, refused to believe she had cheated despite lots of other witnesses and playing down the bullying as if it was nothing, he seemed almost brainwashed by her. As you can imagine this caused a lot of friction in our family and I was stuck between the two of them. GF treated him really badly but he still wouldn't break up with her and then thankfully she broke up with him, he went to uni and I hoped that would be the end of it. This was all over three years ago.. DD is now at uni and DS has moved to a city for work. GF still lives here and so DD tends to bump into her if she's here in the holidays - GF still goes out of her way to make comments/give nasty looks to DD. Out of the blue the other evening DS phones DD and says he's seeing this girl again, they've started talking and she's spending the weekend with him. DD is very upset and feels completely betrayed by DS who she is really close to. I have to agree with her. I have a really good relationship with both my kids and don't feel it's my place to tell my son what or what not to do but can't believe that the fact ex gf bullied his sister so horribly would put him off her. Can't believe this is all surfacing again. I feel completely on my daughters side in this - AIBU?

No- I would be on her side too.

Yanbu, you have to be on her side. She was bullied and treated like shit for 18 months because she showed loyalty to her brother. He clearly doesn't know the meaning of the word. She wouldn't be welcome passed my garden path

No, YANBU. I would feel exactly the same as you in this situation, and your dd has every right to feel as she does. `I hope your ds doesn't think he's going to be able to bring his gf back to the family home? Even if he refuses to see what she's like, you know, and are entitled to protect yourselves from her.

Your son must have set the bar really low if he’s choosing to be with someone who treated him badly as well as bullying his sister. You’re not BU at all to side with daughter on this.

Your dd probably feels very betrayed and so would I. I don’t think you can get involved other than to point out the obvious to him. You can take a horse to water blah blah blah. Very difficult for you.

I'd be making it clear that she's not welcome at your house and you won't be spending any time with her. If that damaged my relationship with him then so be it.

I think behind his back you can 100% side with his sister the gf is horrible but two him and her you are going to have to be careful nothing worse than pushing them together with warning words. She could end up your dil

When ds was with a nasty piece of work we banned her from the house. Explained nicely to ds (22) that he could see who he wished but she wasn't welcome in our home.
Didn't last long.

Thanks for the comments. She’s definitely not welcome in our house, hasn’t been since the original incident. Just want him to realise for himself what a bitch she is and how disloyal he’s being to his sister.

Totally with you and your daughter OP!
Having had some experience of a similar situation in our family....
I strongly advise that you do not let her step inside your house no matter what your DS thinks.

I would be telling him exactly what you think of his selfish behaviour too.

And also to tell him that if he carries on with this toxic gf he is on his own from now on as there's nothing but years of heartache ahead for you and your daughter/ family.

YANBU if they're back together then she can be his burden not yours and DD's . Make sure you make it clear to him she isn't welcome in your home or your family.

Does he accept that she did bully his sister, and ignore it, or does he deny that she did it? If the former, I would be asking him gently why he doesn't want more for himself than a person who is prepared to behave like this to a sibling he loves (or anyone, for that matter).

I think barring her from your home, holidays etc. is vital. Beyond that though, I would tread carefully because you need to be there for your DS, despite his selfishness, if/when the relationship with this woman becomes abusive.

Nah. I could possibly accept the cheating: kids are young and daft, ruled by their hormones and often make thoughtless decisions. But a sustained campaign of bullying is a different thing.

I wouldn't even want to hear her name mentioned and would be having a very strong word with DS, as would my DH.

I know you can't tell him what to do but id definitely be telling him how disappointed I was and that he's really betraying his sister

Three years' on and she was still giving DD evils?! Yanbu to stand by DD, shame that young woman still holds an attraction for your DS.
If he is this besotted he won't listen to anything negative you say about her.

This gf won't necessarily care that his female family members don't like her, in fact it may suit her to put a wedge between DS and his family.

Sorry but I think you need to have a talk with your son. I wouldn't stand by in this situation if my daughter was bullied by her. Your son needs to get his head out of his arse and realise there are other relationships at stake here.

I wouldn't allow the sly bitch in my house. Good for you for sticking up for your daughter. Good luck to your son, he's gonna need it with that tramp.