Grandad wanting to visit

[Belle81]

Hi all

Looking for some advice really. My dad lives abroad and has said about coming over to see the baby when it arrives and asked when he should come, I said obviously I can't tell you when baby will arrive but they don't tend to let you go much over 2 weeks after your due date so maybe then. Anyway he has booked a flight for a week after my due date, which is fine, there's a chance he won't see baby but it's his choice.

The issue is, it sounds like he is maybe expecting to stay at mine but I'm planning a home birth, so there is a possibility I'll go into labour while he is here! But even if I have already had the baby, my husband and I want time just the three of us, I don't really want a house guest when we have a newborn. His wife's family live near me and he has stayed there before so he has somewhere else to stay.

I don't want to offend him and it's lovely that he wants to come and see his grandchild but this is my first baby and I don't want any additional worry about having him staying here. We get on fine but we're not massively close and I just don't know how to raise it without upsetting him - help! x

I would be totally honest with him and sort it out now, before he arrives. You don't need the additional stress of worrying about it.

“Dad I cannot WAIT to see you and for you to meet your new GC! Just double healing you are staying with *** though aren’t you? Love you lots xx”

Healing = checking obvs

I would talk to him and ask if he's arranged with wife's family for him to stay there explaining because you're hoping for a home birth you just want your DH there but you can't wait to see him and meet the baby. Do it now.

Can you also point out that he won’t get any rest or sleep with a newborn screaming “all night” and would be much more comfortable staying elsewhere and then coming to visit?

Why has he booked to come a week after your due date when you suggested two weeks after ? I wouldn;t bank on him planning to stay elsewhere because it sounds as if he's working to his own timetable and convenience. i tell him he can;t stay with you because you will either be imminently going to give birth or will have new born and you won't be up to entertaining guests.

Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I get a bit cross whne people insist on visiting just after the birth of a baby - you'll be shattered. he could easily wait a couple of weeks if he was being considerate of your feelings and health. His desire to see babay immediately doesn;t trump your need as a mother to have time alone with your new born and for your body to heal.

Good luck with your birth

Just say ‘can’t wait to see you! Where are you staying?’ And then when he comes back and says ‘with you’ you can be very taken aback.

‘Sorry GF, I didn’t realise that was your intention. As I’m sure you are aware, having a new born at home is no time to have house guests. Can I suggest this hotel instead? Thanks’

I would NEVER assume I was staying at a house of someone who had just given birth! He’s being rather cheeky!

Good idea to confirm with him that he IS staying with his wife's family, and if not, here is a list of local hotels/B&Bs. And a local car hire firm/public transport map if he needs to be mobile. And that of course he understands that you won't be having any visitors immediately before/after the birth. And if he wants to visit, please bring lunch for everybody!

Wishing you every happiness and a wonderful birth experience!

I would tell him he needs to change his flight and find somewhere local to stay.

I’ve had both of mine at home and my parents also live abroad. Both times they booked flights to visit after they were born and both times came around 6 weeks. They first they came together and stayed at a holiday cottage down the road. After my 2nd, just my mum came and stayed with us (to help with our older one).

At 6 weeks, that was manageable. But you definitely should not be having houseguests with a very new baby. If nothing else, I would insists he stays elsewhere. My mum found it quite stressful and intense staying with us. And you need time to bond and focus on your family. I think you need to be really firm. You don’t get that time back and it can have a serious impact on your mental health. We had no visitors at all until our first was 10 days old (mine are abroad obviously, dh’s are not local) and it was wonderful.

My dad did this! He also lives abroad and booked to come over just before my due date! He stayed in a B&B - we didn't have a suitable spare bed and I obviously couldn't give up mine at 40 weeks! I felt really really stressed by his expectation that I would go into labour soon and his need to be entertained in the meantime. I ended up being completely up front with him and said I needed space and needed to relax, and please could he shorten his visit a little. To his eternal credit he totally understood and did exactly as I asked. My baby was 2 weeks overdue and I was in hospital for a week, so he ended up just visiting us in hospital for an afternoon before catching his flight home. We had a much nicer visit several weeks later. Just be honest and polite. Hopefully he will understand!