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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be booking a tummy tuck?

31 replies

islandmum2 · 03/09/2018 23:21

Okay so here's the story...
I've always had a big tummy and HATED it since being a teenager. It's a family thing - my mum also had the same and has complained about it for as long as I can remember. Two C Sections, the first an emergency, have not helped and now I have the classic overhang effect. The result is that I am so self conscious. My problem would prob be considered pretty minor - I am reasonably slim overall and a healthy weight, I've tried everything to get rid of the tummy but nothing works and it really, really bothers me.
Last year I separated from my husband after a pretty traumatic and protracted breakup. The thought of being with someone new and getting my clothes off was truly terrifying. I am now in early stages of a new relationship, but although he seems unbothered and keeps telling me I'm lovely etc the tummy thing still really inhibits me.
I have had the consultation and been advised a mini TT will be sufficient with a bit of lipo. I've saved the money and TT is pencilled in for October.
But I can't decide!!!!
Main thing bothering me is the embarrassment of admitting to a non-essential cosmetic operation! Blush
Also the pain and risk involved, and the amount of time in recovery.
How bad is it, and is it worth it?
Can anyone advise????

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 03/09/2018 23:23

Who do you need to admit it to? Just say you’re having some abdominal surgery. No one’s business but yours.

islandmum2 · 03/09/2018 23:25

I guess I'll have to tell my new partner - he's not 'a partner' as such yet but would want to know why I'm out of commission and what I'm having done, why etc. Also I'll have a whacking great scar so not easy to explain away! Also I guess would have to tell my teenage kids....

OP posts:
GooseFartingInTheFog · 03/09/2018 23:30

I have every intention of getting a TT after I’m finished having children (no point renovating a rented house) and for very similar reasons to you. I have always had a big tummy and c-sections have made it even worse.

In my view, and my husbands, my self confidence is worth it and I don’t feel in the least bit embarrassed about it.
You’ve got a long life to live, so what makes you happy x

KC225 · 03/09/2018 23:32

Agree with testingtesting A vague abdominal surgery is all you need to say. But you are right to consider recovery time and risks.

Lucked · 03/09/2018 23:43

It's nobodies business and you should cut yourself some slack. It is not a rare procedure - plastic surgery wouldn't be such big business if only the odd person went for it. You could say you had a herni or a diastasis recti repaired if it really bothers you. Good luck.

Mehaveit · 03/09/2018 23:48

I'd do it in a heartbeat. Say you're having a hernia op then it's the same area and less to explain.

DownAndUnder · 03/09/2018 23:50

I’d do it tomorrow if I could OP, go for it!

yorkshireyummymummy · 03/09/2018 23:54

All I can think of is that young mum who just died recently after having- or trying to have- a Kardashian type bum. I’m sure her kids will gain so much comfort as they grow up without her that their beautiful mummy left them because she wanted to ‘ look better’.
Oh- I hear you all cry - but she did it on the cheap and went to
Turkey. What can you expect?? You only get what you pay for. It’s much safer in the UK. You’ll be fine...........yes, I expect that’s what Denise Henry’s mates told her. She was the wife of Colin Hendry , a footballer, and could afford the best. She was unhappy with the baby weight she couldn’t shift on her tummy so just went for a bit of liposuction. A teeny operation that’s all it was. A teeny operation that went horribly horribly wrong....she didn’t die on the table, she had 7 years to regret her vanity and to struggle with awful pain before dying and leaving 4 ( I think) children without a mum.

Look, ultimately it’s your decision and nobody’s decision than yours. As you may realise I simply do not understand the obsession people have with having practically perfect bodies. It’s (in my opinion) shameful to put yourself through unnecessary surgery when there are risks involved. Your tummy and c section scars are battle wounds that you got while growing your babies and giving them life. I have a friend with a perfect body who would trade it in a heartbeat for the baby her perfect Looking body can’t give her.

Nobody knows what’s round the corner. Your kids would probably prefer a holiday with their mummy, having fun together and making some memories rather than mummy spending the money on a flat tummy. Ultimately it’s your money to do what you want with.

But will it REALLY make that much difference? Will your relationship with this new guy - or if this one doesn’t last the next one- be made so much better by having this operation? What if you fall madly in love and he gets a tummy in three years time - will you expect him to have surgery to remove it?

Oh, just ignore me. It’s one of my biggest bugbears. I honestly can’t believe sometimes what the human race has become - men and women having unnecessary surgery to improve their bodies when thousands of kids still die every day because they haven’t got clean water to drink.
It’s up to you. It’s your money, spend it how you choose and if this makes you happy who am I to play devils advocate?
But please please check out the clinic and all risks involved.
If one of your children wanted a non health related surgey that they thought would make them happy but you could risk loosing them would you let them have it? ( I know a child wouldn’t be allowed a face lift or a bit of lipo , I’m just asking you to think- would you let Them? )

Would they want you to have it even though the risks are small?

Whatever you decide or decide to say to people I really really hope everything goes well.
To your kids you are utterly beautiful already I’m sure . I bet they wouldn’t change a hair on your head.

Ummmmgogo · 03/09/2018 23:55

noooo dont do it. you are beautiful as you are and no surgery is risk free x

UpstartCrow · 03/09/2018 23:56

I'd have one if I could afford it. How much will it cost?

StillMedusa · 04/09/2018 00:03

I think some CBT therapy with a good therapist would be cheaper and better in the long run (I say this with experience..I've had 4 kids and they wrecked my body!)

There are risks to any surgery and a TT will leave a big scar, plus though it should look better, it won't look like you''ve never had children... surgeons are great but can't totally turn back time!

islandmum2 · 04/09/2018 08:18

Thank you everyone for your opinions. This is less about having the 'perfect body' (I still won't) than dealing with a part of myself I've always hated and which actively limits my behaviour. Yes there will be a scar but it won't be much worse than the C Section scar I already have. When I'm active walking or running I get sweaty underneath my tummy overhang which is really nasty. It is a mini TT which is not as big an op as the full thing so less pain/risk.

OP posts:
serbska · 04/09/2018 08:19

Abdominal surgery.
If pushed ‘ongoing complications after the birth of my chikd’

islandmum2 · 04/09/2018 08:23

UpstartCrow it is costing about £6500 for the mini TT with one area of lipo to flanks (I've been advised this is necessary otherwise after the TT they will look out of proportion). This is with Transform at a hospital in Scotland with experienced surgeon who also does NHS work, Mr Widdowston. I've met him and trust him to do a good job - hope my trust is not misplaced!

OP posts:
Spotsandstars · 04/09/2018 08:49

I totally agree with Yorkshire yummy mummy. I'm overweight with an awful mum tum from various pregnancy issues but even though I feel self conscious I don't think it's important in the grand scheme of things.
Bodies change, some look amazing still, some don't. It's the heart that counts, maybe counselling instead would be better to help with issues passed from your mum and from your previous relationship? Good luck x

TheDarkPassenger · 04/09/2018 09:05

I’d kill for a tummy tuck and I’d do it in a heartbeat if we had the cash going spare. I’m super jealous!

I haven’t had c sections but I’m tiny framed and have had massive babies so you can understand the excess skin on my stomach is a mood killer for me. (Though it doesn’t seem to affect my partner?)

Turnedacorner · 04/09/2018 09:12

Go for it, I've no regrets about mine, it's the best thing I've ever done - after 4 large babies my tummy was not a pretty sight and no amount of diet and exercise was ever going to change it!

Myusernameisunique · 04/09/2018 09:16

Do it! I'm the same as you with my tummy issues, always had a tummy and although in slim, fit and healthy overall after an emergency C-section I have the overhang that just won't shift! I'd bite your hand off for the chance of surgery but unfortunately can't afford it at the moment. Do it for yourself and good luck!

Stormwhale · 04/09/2018 09:17

Go for it. If I had the money I would do the same in a heartbeat. My tummy sounds the same as yours and it really gets me down. I can only imagine the huge boost I would get to my self esteem if I had one.

islandmum2 · 04/09/2018 09:18

Ahhh Turnedacorner at last someone who's had one!! How did you feel in the lead up, were you shit scared like I am? Was the post op recovery a nightmare, how long till you were back to normal? And are you happy with the result, do you have a very visible scar or has it faded? Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
irunlikeahipoo · 04/09/2018 09:25

I had a mini tummy tuck and lipo a few years ago
It’s a pretty quick operation or mine was as I don’t have load of excess skin
I was in hospital for 24 hrs before comming home
Recovery was about 10 days to feel like normal and then at least two more weeks before I could do stuff properly
Sneezing and coughing really hurt

My stomach is lovely and flat and because it was a mini tummy tuck the scar is tiny just a inch or so longer than my c -section scar

You can have all the therapy in the world it won’t physically get rid of your overhang or mum tum and the feelings that you have about it because you can always see it and feel it

So if you have the money and want to do go for it it’s will be a thousand times better than any sort of therapy for it

cees · 04/09/2018 09:27

I had mine done in Prague, cost EUR 5,000 for 10 days in hotel, flights from ireland, surgery and my husband came with me so the cost of his flight and accommodation is covered in the EUR5,000. I met plenty of UK, Dutch and Irish women there who were happy to have their procedures in that clinic.
I chose there because my friend had her breasts enlarged there and the year after I had my tummy tuck, I went out with my sister to support her while she had her breasts enlarged. I have another sister who is saving for a tummy tuck now she is finished having children. I am happy with my results and the care I received while in their care. Good luck

cees · 04/09/2018 09:31

The pain was manageable and you will have pain meds like after any op to help. I didn't have a c-section but some people say it's similar.

Turnedacorner · 04/09/2018 09:43

Well.....I did a hell of a lot of research to begin with (I was lucky enough to be able to go to Los Angeles for my op). Quite honestly, I had 100% faith in my surgeon and my mindset was that if something should go wrong aesthetically, my tummy couldn't look any worse then it did already and it could be covered up with clothes anyway! So in answer to your question, I think I was more excited than scared in the lead up and I never wavered in my decision to have it done.

Recovery was perfectly fine, I had a couple of drains for a week or so and it was annoying not to be able to shower properly as you can't get the site wet. Pain wise, it was a bit uncomfortable, but nothing more than you'd expect from any surgery. Coughing was bloody painful and I always had a bottle of water to hand just in case I felt a sneeze or cough coming. Also drinking lots of water helped with constipation - you don't want to be straining!

I had lipo to the flanks too and I also had a massive muscle separation which was repaired during surgery. I believe around 6lbs of skin/saggy flesh was taken away. It was 8 years ago now and my scar is non existent (although I have had a lovely tattoo done over it - mid life crisis!). My confidence came back and it's simply wonderful to be able to feel great in clothes again. If you want to know anything else feel free to ask away!

islandmum2 · 04/09/2018 10:55

Turnedacorner that's very encouraging, thank you! Did you have fears about dying on the operating table? As some posters earlier pointed out, it would seem a very silly/selfish way to go...

OP posts:
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