For thinking I have nothing to look forward to?

[FuckKnows0]

Just that really.

Feeling a bit low atm. I’m going through a messy divorce and still live under same roof as stbxh. Due to move out in the next 3 months.

I had a fantastic bf and I was so looking forward to moving into my new place so I could properly start my new life with my 2ds and my bf. But he finished with me last week and now I feel so low and like I have nothing to look forward to anymore and the thought of me being in my own place now scares me.

Of course I have my boys but apart from that...nothing!

It won't always feel this bad. Have you had any counselling following your divorce?

No I haven’t, do you think that would help?

I felt like this when I was getting divorced. I looked ahead and just saw...... nothing.

I didn't know it then, but my future actually included buying my own home!, winning a huge award in my industry, travelling to some great places, losing 3.5 stone, and getting married to someone new.

You'll feel 100% better when you're in your new home. And it'll coincide with Christmas/New Year for a TOTAL fresh start!

I remember staying up to watch the fireworks on TV during my divorce year. When I heard Big Ben chime for the start of the new year, I felt a huge, almost physical lift in my spirits. That awful, heartbreaking, miserable year was officially finished and over. And a lovely new clean year had begun. It was surprising to me how strong my reaction was.

Anyway -- head down. Don't look up yet. I'd put all my energies into moving the divorce and the new home forwards as fast as you can. Your new life will begin when you stop living with your ex.

Don't think about the BF.

I was terrified moving into my own place with DD, I was convinced it would be awful I'd be alone and I'd never have an adult conversation again. It's not like that at all, it's great I love it, sometimes the evenings are a bit lonely still but the sense of satisfaction I get from doing it all myself and not having anyone to rely on and only having to think about myself is wonderful.

It is scary but it might be the best thing that happened to you, try and reserve judgement until you are in and moved.

FuckKnows0 - yes I do think counselling would be of benefit. I had some and it was really useful.

Divorce is a really, really awful process for most people and yet we just tend to brush it off as one of those unfortunate things. There is a lot of grieving to be done when you get divorced and you have to give yourself time to do that.

Big hug to you. I promise you won't always feel how you do right now.

This is the long journey of divorce and unfortunately there is no magic pill, you endure it day by day, week by week, month by month. One day you will look back and it was two years ago etc. You may look back and think how did I get through that? but you will and it may seem as if you do not recognise that life, you may not even recognise yourself.
The mistake you made is getting involved with someone else too soon., easily done as perhaps it was a distraction at the time. However you are now mourning the loss of this relationship on top of the loss of your marriage. You may not think your marriage was much of a loss and you were over it and were ready to move on, but in reality you have now been hit with a double blow. Get your life sorted, provide stability for your children, put relationships on the back burner and one day you really will be ready to take the leap again when this is all well and truly behind you. At the moment take each day as it comes and try and be kind to yourself.

crimsonlake you are totally right. I do think I got into a relationship too soon, but I think I just wanted to feel loved again. But like you said I. I’ve have to deal with a double blow.

Perhaps a bit of counselling might help me as I am really struggling and feel I’m not a great mum at the moment.

You do not say how old you are and if you have a job? Will you need to rehome yourselves and will you manage financially? At the moment your focus needs to be resolving all of this however much you do not want to face it. You have your boys, hopefully your health and friends, so lean on them for support if you can.
Start making plans, where do you want to be in 5 years?
It always helps by focusing on the positives in your life and realising there are a lot of people worse off. I gave up my career to be a sahm, big mistake whilst he turned himself in to a high earner. Divorced at 50 years and have never been able to resurrect my career, now 7 years later I am struggling to get interviews for menial jobs. I downsized and now have no mortgage but bills still need paying. My 2 sons are now at Uni so I live on my own most of the time. I have never had another serious long term relationship, although I have dallied with OLD a bit. Sometimes I feel on the scrap heap of life work wise and relationship wise. However I remind myself that anything is better than being still married to my ex who was financially controlling. Also I volunteer at a hospice, now that certainly puts life in to perspective.

crimsonlake I am 41 and I don't work. Just like you, I gave up my career when I had children. I have been a sahm for 10yrs and am also struggling to even get an interview. I am thinking of voluntary work to try and get my foot in the door.

Financially it will be a struggle as I'm not entitled to any benefits as I will have 'too much' in savings so I can't apply for universal credit. We will move into rented first as I'm not even sure I want to stay around here anymore because of the memories. I have so much to sort out but I wish I could get into the right head space to do that.

I've just enquired about getting some counselling.

Thanks for your kind words, it's really helped.

I hope you manage to find work yourself soon 💐