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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be surprised by this message

45 replies

Lookingok123 · 02/09/2018 19:27

A female relative I’ve not seen for ages emailed me to say she has got herself into just under 5,000 debt and could I help her pay it off?
I don’t really see her , not for any reason, just because she’s a relative I don’t keep in touch with regularly
Anyway was surprised by message and her saying how are you but not making any small talk in the message apart from that
I emailed her back explaining I couldn’t help (know technically I didn’t need to go into detail but was explaining that I didn’t have anything to spare each month once I’ve paid mortgage etc etc etc ) and suggested a service I’ve heard of which I know have helped others
Was just then surprised also that there was then silence and she didn’t reply back saying something like no worries, thanks anyway, I understand
Just thought most folk would probably make a tiny bit of small talk in a message like that and then message back to say they understand or something?

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 02/09/2018 20:08

You did the right thing .. in saying no

Havaina · 02/09/2018 20:10

GreatDuck, the OP doesn't say that at all .

OP summarised what relative said and mentioned there was no small talk.

That doesn't mean the email didn't contain other information that makes OP sure it is her relative.

flumpybear · 02/09/2018 20:11

I'd email her back saying I think somebody is using your email address for scamming as I've had a message asking to borrow £5k ....

Original poster

Lookingok123 · 02/09/2018 20:12

Greatduck- it had a bit of info re for example her car and her house in it but related to the message- and no hacker could know those specific details ( due to the detail of what was said )

OP posts:

InezGraves · 02/09/2018 20:13

Actually, I would write and say ‘Just so you know, Cousin X, your phone has been jacked as I’ve just had an email and text purporting to be from you asking for £5000! Imagine!’

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 20:15

Anyway was surprised by message and her saying how are you but not making any small talk in the message apart from that

Havaina ^

Havaina · 02/09/2018 20:18

GreatDuck, small talk is different to information.

OP probably expected relative to ask after her family, job etc.

That doesn't mean relative didn't provide details related to why she needed the money.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 20:20

Yes I see what you mean.

Original poster

Lookingok123 · 02/09/2018 20:20

Havaina- yes that’s exactly what I mean

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/09/2018 20:23

Sorry OP I took it literally.
Anyway back to the issue, you've done the right thing saying what you did. Can't believe the gall of the woman! 5k

DogInATent · 02/09/2018 20:27

Assume her complete phone history, email and cloud documents are "owned" - is the stuff-no-one-else-could-know an absolute certainty under those circumstances?

I wouldn't accept it as genuine without a voice call confirmation. Do not underestimate the effort a hacker will make for a few grand, and don't overestimate how hard it would be for them to come up with a message you would struggle to believe wasn't written by your relative.

MajesticWhine · 02/09/2018 20:31

It is very cheeky but small talk would surely serve no purpose here other than to pretend it was a regular social email. At least she was honest and up front. And probably extremely embarrassed and desperate. You said no, so that's the end of it.

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/09/2018 20:34

Could she be on drugs or something?

Dollymixture22 · 02/09/2018 20:36

Is this vet out of character for her? If so could there be something going on - addictions, mental health or abusibe relationship.?

While you of course should not loan her the money Maybe check in on her if she isn’t normally this cheeky.

ChasedByBees · 02/09/2018 20:36

I would really triple check that it is from her!

brizzledrizzle · 02/09/2018 20:38

That statement would almost be funny if it weren't for all the victims who have been conned out of thousands of pounds by exactly this sort of scam.

^ This

Santaclarita · 02/09/2018 20:49

Other people could find out that information. Via facebook, other emails since they already have access to her emails, or via her phone and they've checked her text messages. This is assuming someone is trying to do a scam. Honestly, I work in security, this is common and very easy to do. A recent scam actually has the persons actual password in it, so the scammer has clearly gotten passwords from the dark web or somewhere else. Some of the scams are very obvious, others are actually very well done and detailed.

Social engineering is very simple. Call her home phone number and double check its her. Then if it is, tell her she's a cf and to go to the bank like normal people do.

keyboardkate · 02/09/2018 21:07

I never reply to begging messages like this, and I have received a few over the years from people I know well.

I just ignored. If someone is desperate they will surely have the grace to see you and discuss the t+cs face to face. I have never had that conversation yet though, although I know it might be difficult for someone to approach their potential benefactor personally.

Ignore and sit it out is my advice. Not that I am hard hearted, but it IS my money after all.

Lalliella · 02/09/2018 22:06

My friend had her identity stolen, it was really scary what they found out about her and what they did with it, so don’t discount that that could have happened to her. Why don’t you call her and talk to her?

Whipsmart · 02/09/2018 22:20

Of course hackers could find out about her car and house! Why not try asking her something about the family that only she would know?

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