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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can we afford to have a baby ?

28 replies

Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 19:02

Me and my partner have been together 5 years now (I’m approaching 30) and thinking about kids. I’ve always been wary though due to our pretty low incomes and we rent (may be able to buy but only can afford a 1 bed flat for the foreseeable future). No serious debts but no savings.

I am looking for a better job but I doubt I’ll earn more then £21k a year and would work part time if I had kid/s so would actually be £10k. My partner earns about £17k after tax.

Can we reasonably afford kids? I don’t need designer clothes obvs but would like to run 1-2 cars, days out maybe a holiday a year. We live in the north so it’s cheap here thankfully.

we might never be able to buy a house if we did it would be a small 2 up 2 down in 5-10 years. I have family to help with childcare.

I’m not quite sure what I’m asking I just worry if we can afford kids in the next few years - but if we wait we’ll be too old and probably still low earners !!

OP posts:
covetingthepreciousthings · 02/09/2018 19:07

It's never the right time to have a baby.
You can always make it work though, my husband was made redundant when I was 25 weeks pregnant, something we certainly didn't plan on, but we managed.

You can usually get really brilliant condition second hand items for little ones, and things like reusable nappies can help cut down on costs.

All the baby magazines make out that you need every expensive gadget going, but really they need very little.

StealthPolarBear · 02/09/2018 19:10

No, but that means you're in the same boat as most of the rest of us. If you wait until you can comfortably afford children you'll be drawing your pension.
Do a budget. Work it all out and go for it. Good luck.

Ansumpasty · 02/09/2018 19:11

You will make it work. You will end up buying less for yourself and the money will just go on your child.

A child needs basic things and essentials, food and a home, but mostly your love and care.

ChangerChangerson · 02/09/2018 19:12

Without known your outgoings it's hard to say if you'll be able to afford a baby but what I will say is that in many ways they don't cost as much as you may think. Second hand items, special offers and sales, places like Aldi are amazing for nappies and some councils give free cloth nappy kits (mine does) that would hugely save you money. If you are able to breast feed then this will save you a lot of money (though I appreciate it's not as easy as just telling you to do this).

Babies and kids don't need overly expensive stuff but if you're on a tight wedge at the moment your bigger impact will be the part time working situation unless you go back full time.

DieAntword · 02/09/2018 19:16

Honestly babies are cheap. Child benefit covers the non-childcare cost of a baby assuming you’re covering all your other costs already and not actually getting yourself in debt. The big expense is childcare. So that’s what you need to consider. If you work part time how many hours childcare will you need, would this be covered by tax credits, could you get the grandparents to provide some etc - if you can manage the childcare cost (or avoid it) the rest is no biggie.

Older kids are more expensive but I’ve not reached that point yet so I can’t say how much more.

tillytoodles1 · 02/09/2018 19:22

My friend was married twenty years before she had her 1st baby at 40, she wanted to be a SAHM until no2 started school, so worked unti the mortgage was paid off and she had savings. Another friend had her first at 17 and was able to train for a brilliant career while in her 30's. I'd say there's no right time. I had two kids by the time I was 24, but my H had his own business and I did a bit of part-time work for him,

candlefloozy · 02/09/2018 19:24

Ive got a daughter and we thought we would really struggle. We didn't. Other posters are right. They don't need loads. Get stuff second hand. Stuff is normally still in great condition because babies don't ruin it! Good luck

Rebecca36 · 02/09/2018 19:25

You sound very sensible op.

I think you would be able to manage financially, especially if you back to work after having a child. Things will inevitably get better in the future too.

Sarahandduck18 · 02/09/2018 19:26

Buy a starter flat as soon as you can and never give up full time work.

divadee · 02/09/2018 19:27

If you have too much time and way too much money on your hands then you are ready for kids....... meanwhile in the real world most people are never ready for kids. You sometimes just have to do it. If you won't have childcare fees then you will be better off than most. I am desperate for the 30 hours funding when my youngest hits 3 (still 20 months to go!) As we will be rich!!!!

Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 19:32

Thank you all for your replies !

I just want to plan as best I can and it’ll be a couple more years yet I think so I’d like to have maybe £1k saved and maybe a little more for a flat deposit / finish credit card debts (isn’t much).

My mum can definitely help with childcare during work and although I’d like a car for myself I live practically in the city centre so it’s not essential. I’ve always been pretty skint / a student so I’m used to living on a low wage so know how to eat cheap etc I woul day my only ‘luxurys’ are the gym, eating out at Nando’s once a week and shopping a primark 😂

OP posts:
amberg88 · 02/09/2018 19:33

The more you over think about having a baby. The more you can put it off. I never expected kids. I earned more then my now ex. I was on the pill and fell pregnant. It was the most scariest time ever. But because it wasn't planned. I had to just deal with it. I now have two beautiful kids that do my head in but I wouldn't change it for the world. There is always something else that needs to be fulfilled before a baby but how long can that really go on for. Good luck. Love is all a child needs

Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 19:34

Divadee - I don’t really like the city I’m in due to high povert and lack of work opportunities but tbh having my parents here and helping with free childcare is worth it to stay as I think paying for childcare would be more then my wages it’s so ridiculous honestly !!

OP posts:
IAmAllAstonishment · 02/09/2018 19:39

You can’t comfortably afford a child but you can basically afford one.

You’ll get by as long as you buget stringently, don’t split up and arent bothered about being able to afford the trendy prams/clothes...etc unless they’re second hand.

You’re in a precarious position though as if you don’t get the part time role and don’t consistently earn £10,000 a year (your childcare could fall through, life could happen...etc) then you’re absoloutley not going to afford a child. I know you can never plan ahead for the unexpected but acknowledging how ‘on the line’ your finances are is important.

You’re also unlikely to be able to save and Tbh if you car breaks down or anything unexpected happens you’ll be thrown into a difficult situation financially.

Personally I wouldn’t want my experience of being a first time parent to be so fraught with financial concern. However if your body clock is ticking you’re certainly not in the worst financial situation to have a child so do what you feel is right as long as you understand what you’re doing.

The only thing I would strongly advise is getting the job before having the baby.

Cornettoninja · 02/09/2018 19:40

You manage because it becomes necessary. You don’t know where you’ll be in five years time but it’s sensible to be seriously considering starting a family now, unfortunately there is a rather early deadline for women in particular.

I would say not to forget that you don’t get taxed on your first 10k (I think it’s around about that now, maybe a little more) so part time earnings may be higher or not as big a drop as you’re anticipating. I don’t earn big bucks at all and was pleasantly surprised by my wages after going to three days.

Any chance of either of you looking into qualifying for a better paying career now? Financial help can be available there too or if you haven’t qualified to degree level you can take advantage of the current loan system.

Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 19:44

I am all astioniment - yeah I get it’s precarious but it’s always likely to be that way, unless we wait 10 years in which I doubt I’d even want to have a baby at that age personally 😆

I always put expensive things off as I’m worried about getting into debt etc like not getting a good phone, I’m just starting driving lessons as I put my education before driving but once I did it things always worked out financially. I know kids are more important / costly but I’d guess things ‘just work out’ (within reason!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 19:47

Corbettonija - I have a degree and started a masters but couldn’t afford to finish it. My field is not well paid but I enjoy it so 🤷‍♀️

Yeah I think tax starts at £11,500 so it’ll be tax free which is nice !

OP posts:
hamburgers · 02/09/2018 19:49

I was completely skint and on benefits when DD was born. DH was on job seekers and we were in debt too. We made it work because we didn't have a choice. Babies are surprisingly cheap. Our biggest expense was a buggy. You can get almost everything second hand and baby grows are v cheap!

anotherangel2 · 02/09/2018 19:50

I am going to give the standard MN advice of don’t have a child with someone and especially don’t start working part time tonlook after children if you are not married.

It only costs about £50 to why legally married without the whole wedding bit.

Itsear · 02/09/2018 19:54

At a certain point you just have to go for it. Fertility doesn’t last and you can’t predict when the right time is exactly without hindsight.

RuleBreaker · 02/09/2018 19:57

Save up for 2-3 years and buy somewhere to live.

Get married to your DP to protect yourself.

Have a baby.

Don’t give up full time work.

Xenia · 02/09/2018 20:05

If you do what I did (work until you go into labour and go back full time when the baby is 2 weks old) then your career is not damaged. That worked for us but we did buy a property before having a baby which is much easier as lenders wll not be happy about your childcare costs so I would buy the 1 bed flat you can afford now and then have the baby and don't plan to take much time off after.

Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 20:07

Rule breaker - yeah I plan to wait 2-3 years. Marriage I’m not so sure about I just don’t want to spend the money on it even if it’s very cheap !! My partners hardly rich and I don’t know the future but seriously doubt he’d not pay child support. My mum and step dad aren’t married and have been together 20 years.

Well I’d have to give up full time work as it’d cost too much in childcare and I personally don’t think it’s worth having a child and barely seeing them (really not judging if both parents work full time we’re all different) but would work part time

OP posts:
Original poster
Foodisyum · 02/09/2018 20:09

Another angel - I’m not sure on the legalities of marriage be co habiting - if we were to break up and have 1 child would that mean my ex wouldn’t have to pay child support unless we were married? How old fashioned if the courts but I guess if we managed to buy a proterty marriage would mean I get to keep it? Although I’m sure I couldn’t afford the mortgage and bills on my own but hopefully won’t have to cross that bridge !

OP posts:
RuleBreaker · 02/09/2018 20:12

If you’re the higher earner, shouldn’t your partner be the one going part time?

I shall leave it to other posters to link relevant threads about not being married...