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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it is time to take a risk

18 replies

Diffident · 02/09/2018 18:33

I'm a single guy in my 40s. I have a job which frankly is making me I'll and damaging my quality of life. But it's an income and something to say when people ask me what I do. I'm exceptionally fortunate to have the chance to be mortgage free (not in London/S East but I want to be there anyway) and have around £800 in passive income from investments. I'm sorry if this sounds like patriarchal thinking but I'm worried that if and when I quit (I really don't enjoy my job) I'll come across like an unstable and therefore not so attractive person. There's few things sadder than the 40something guy still talking about making it I know. But I'm so flipping miserable in my job now that I'm probably putting people off because of that. I'm absolutely not accusing anyone of being only interested in money but Id like to hear what people think.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2018 18:36

Wouldn’t an obvious course of action be to look for a different job that you might enjoy?

FelixTitling · 02/09/2018 18:39

It's not clear to me what the issue is.

Are you saying you hate your job, want to leave, can afford to not work, but are concerned about what people will say if you don't work?

NC4Now · 02/09/2018 18:43

So you hate your job but your concern over quitting is that it might make you unattractive to the opposite sex?

What will you do instead? If you plan to be long term unemployed then the lack of ambition or motivation could be unattractive, but if you fill your time with work and hobbies you love, then your happiness will be attractive.

Domino20 · 02/09/2018 18:47

More info needed. Are you saying you are moving to London/looking for a partner/worried that being unemployed makes you seem flakey? With who?

TwoOddSocks · 02/09/2018 18:47

£800 a month isn't a huge amount to live on if you have to entertain yourself all day too but surely you could try to find a job better suited to you? Even part time? I think a job which makes you miserable would be more off-putting than a totally solvent man who doesn't earn as much as possible just for the sake of it.

Bombardier25966 · 02/09/2018 18:49

What is the risk?

Why not find another job or retrain?

FaFoutis · 02/09/2018 18:50

Does 'making it' involve an ambition you have?

Original poster

Diffident · 02/09/2018 18:53

Felix exactly how you say. There is no way I'd be doing nothing it would drive me mad. I'm hoping to work on commission basis for a friend, will also do volunteer work and have a plan to renovate houses on the side.

OP posts:

Rebecca36 · 02/09/2018 18:56

Sounds like a good plan to me Diffident. Can't see how anyone would think the worst of you, many people have a career break or change at your age and find something more fulfilling.

Good luck to you.

Original poster

Diffident · 02/09/2018 18:59

I'm currently living in Europe and plan to stay, but if the expected self employed income doesn't materialise I can relocate to, well probably Ireland where I already own a place. I already lived there so I know day to day it is far from cheap but as I said the very worst things can get is mortgage free in a fairly decent house an hour from Cork City and £800 income. I've 2 qualifications so I hope I'd get maybe £1000 net additional income on top of that. My friend is setting up a new venture related to but different from what I do now and much less stressful. Nicer from the point of view of meeting people too. So that would be my new job but it's not quite a conventional one as we would both be self employed. It doesn't involve investing any cash at all. And yes I am worried I will not be able to attract someone.

OP posts:

Domino20 · 02/09/2018 19:09

I don't think the plans, as you've outlined them, would in anyway impact on getting/maintaining a relationship. Do you have an opinion on why you might be single now?

NC4Now · 02/09/2018 19:31

Sounds like a good plan to me.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 02/09/2018 19:56

Sounds like an excellent situation to be in. £800 a month with no housing costs is absolutely doable at least in the short term, so you can try your friend's new venture and if it doesn't work out, you have the luxury of time to look for another job that you'd prefer. As long as you were doing something or working towards something, I wouldn't find it offputting.

MrsJamieFraser2 · 02/09/2018 20:05

I had the same thoughts recently. I'm single, 40s in a good job which I've accepted redundancy from. I don't need to work but I wonder what men would think of that when the question comes up about my job?

I've considered starting my own business but at the moment I'm quite happy!

Singlenotsingle · 02/09/2018 20:14

You only live once, OP (a cliche, I know, but true). No point being unhappy, in a job that makes you ill. If you think you can manage financially, where's the problem? And if you are happier, people are more likely to warm to you. Go for it!

FannyAdmin · 02/09/2018 20:15

Have you posted about this before? It sounds a bit familiar.

Original poster

Diffident · 02/09/2018 21:38

I didn't post before about this, no. Sounds like lots of people had the same thoughts or similar ones.

OP posts:

justilou1 · 03/09/2018 04:45

Nothing less attractive than a miserable git obsessed with money. Move onto a job that makes you happy. Happiness is one of the most attractive features in any human beings! (Also healthiest!!!)

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