Aibu to try cry it out?

[DontFundHate]

I have bf both my children and currently bed share with ds 8 months. He's still up every 2 hours, sometimes does a 3 hour stretch at first every full moon I'm so tired, close to pnd. I have another very busy toddler to look after. Aibu to try cry it out? (Just close the door and leave him all night?) Is that awful? (I'm a bit believed in natural parenting, he'll do it when he's ready etc but this is slowly killing me!) How many nights does it take? Will he be a better sleeper for ever more? Thanks all (braces self - I would definitely have been a poster saying how awful this is with my first ds, who wasn't too bad at sleeping hah!)

To clarify, I mention the bf as when he wakes I feed him back to sleep.

Yes. In my eyes that's extremely cruel and damaging.

Sorry, you would be unreasonable. He's not old enough to manipulate you or be sneaky, he's just crying because he needs you for comfort.

I know it's hard, my first used to wake every 45 minutes at one point but he suddenly started sleeping through.

Yes, sorry but he's too young. Both of mine woke 2-3 hourly until more than a year. Eventually got their dad to read to sleep instead of bf. There are other kinda methods that cio

Kinder...and I mean kinder to both if you

You are absolutely not unreasonable to be thinking about it - you are at breaking point. However, as you already know, he is tiny and the fact that you've started a thread about this means you know it's probably not the right thing to do.

How about controlled crying, or do we assume you've tried that rather than jumping straight to cry it out? I did controlled crying with DS at a similar age and left him cry for 3 minutes, then 5, then 7, and so on, going in for 2 minutes between each crying session to soothe him by rubbing his chest. It took 1 night and we only got to 10 minutes of crying once. I decided that the total of all the short bursts of crying for that one night would have been way less than me constantly trying to resettle him forever more. He now sleeps 12 hours unless ill or teething.

Of course you won't know whether your baby will respond positively to it or not before you try it, because they are all different, but I think you'll know fairly early on whether it will work or not.

I totally sympathise with you, sleep deprivation is absolute torturous and I pondered shutting the door and letting him cry at times because I was at my wits end. I really hope you manage to find something that works but agree with other posters that cry it out probably isn't right at this stage.

I would first drop the night feeds (gradually if possible) so cuddle or do whatever it takes to stop night feeds. His body is used to taking in calories overnight so it would be cruel to just cry it out with no other comfort. Once you’ve cut out night feeds you may find he sleeps a lot better just by doing that. If there is still no improvement I’d then try controlled crying so going in every few minutes to comfort and then leaving

It’s not cruel or damaging. It might not work though. How about leaving them until they go off but still feeding once or twice during the night?

Could you afford to hire a sleep consultant?

I feel for you it’s fucking awful and potentially incredibly damaging to you. Don’t forget that. Good luck

I will probably get shouted down and lambasted as a horrid mother, but we did "self soothing" (cry it out!) with DD. I would check if she was warm / cool enough, needed a nappy change or feeding. If I knew it was none of those things then I walked away. She would drop off when there was no other stimulation within about 10 minutes maximum, usually just a couple. She is now a healthy, independent 10 year old with no scars...Oddly enough she doesn't even remember being "abandoned" as a baby.

OP, for your own sanity, give it a go. You need your sleep to be able to cope with everything else going on. Big hugs whatever you decide to do, there is no right and wrong for YOUR family.

Just to add, I did controlled crying and the maximum crying length was 20mins night one, worked in a few nights. He cried way more than that normally during the night and was much happier in the day.

We did it when nothing else worked. Me going in and trying to soothe her made her furious and just dragged out her upset. I really think it depends on the child though.

I had enough with my daughter I used to rock her to sleep with her bottle and then she started laughing and messing around. I snapped put her in her cot and sat with my back to her she cried on and off for 50 mins but went to sleep woke up twice in the night but again had my back to her she went to sleep. She's 2 this week and still isn't 100% with her sleep. The sooner the better

ITs neither cruel nor damaging. Research and personal anecdotal evidence suggests it’s a really positive thing to do.
We teach children to use the lavatory, we teach them to use cutlery but populist opinion is that somehow children should work out sleeping all by themselves.
Much better there tough nights than continually tired, stressed and grumpy parents. Much better children who sleep well and can settle themselves. Much kinder to teach children they can do things by themselves rather than delaying independence steps.

Iirc this is a really tough time,8-9m, I definitely hit a major wall and was quite ill myself because of the exhaustion. I stopped bed sharing and put him down asleep into cot after first night feed and he started bigger stretches. I was already doing at least one nap a day in cot, well,he was, not me! This probably helped. Dh also got up after another month or so for the 1-2am wake and he settled back fine with him. Finally night weaned without any distress at 14m.

Ask your hv /gp for cc advice.
They had no appointments when I asked until I threatened to leave ds in the pram parking area for the night!!
I bet all dm's have considered locking their pfb in a cupboard at least one night of babyhood!!
But actually leaving them to cry it out isn't an appropriate option imo.

Don't do it, he's still really tiny. At least wait until he's a toddler.

There are two things operating here: this is a baby who still needs comfort; but also he is learning that if he cries he gets someone there.

There is a balance to be struck between providing the child with reassurance and reinforcing that cry means someone arrives and attends to you.

There is also a balance to be struck between his needs and your needs.He will live his life as part of a family with give and take; learning to settle by himself is part of that.

If he was 8 weeks I would look at it differently.

I do not think it will harm him to cry for a bit before you go to him; nor if you do not feed him at these times. You both need to get into a new pattern. You need to be sure he is safe and not in pain, but you also need to have some attention to your needs - a burned-out weary mother is no asset to him or to you.

It is a hard balance to strike, but we all get there in the end, so take heart.

"At least wait until he's a toddler." - the poor OP might have gone round the bend by then!!! Cut her some slack.

This whole guilt trip of parenting is a pain. Good enough is good enough - perfection is just a crazy idea. It does not apply to anything else in life, so why to this?

I thought I'd misread the op as so many posters were saying he's still tiny...I thought the baby was 8 weeks old...I don't think 8 months is too young for sleep training. It doesn't need to be as harsh as put him in a room and close the door...it can be gentler like gradual retreat.

Try it, OP.

I'm no expert but is it possible that he may need more milk/fluid now during the night? Formula or water in bottles to keep him settled for longer periods or more food during the day.

It's been a long time since my DD was that age and can't remember how often she woke up during the night back then so if I'm way off, sorry.