Wendying, cruelty or overthinking?

[Parentingsortof]

Ok so I've tried to outline the situation without the need for dripfeeding (hopefully!)

Happy to be told it is just me overthinking as my MH is fragile at the moment.

So there are 4 of us who do activities, trips etc occasionally. We all met up originally through a social meetup group.

About a year ago, the 3 of them started to do other activities and not invite me. I only found out through dreaded tagging on Facebook.
I was a bit miffed and said I thought they would have mentioned they were going. They said someone else organised it ( fair enough) I was still a bit miffed why they didn't mention it ( I know I was being unreasonable)

Do over the past year, they have done other things ( I've said nothing and just unfollowed their Facebook's)

We have done the odd thing and they have invited another woman into the group. It turns out that this woman is the one organising most of the things I'm not invited too.

They went on a few things recently I couldn't go too. One of the original women invited me by saying ' do you wanna come I don't like leaving anyone out!' I just thought WTF.

So everything has been the status quo, until last night where they were out 3 of them, expecting the 4th one but she didn't go

I was out anyway, but not invited. So they start using the group chat, the three who were out, we're at the restaurant etc...

I mean who does that? (We are all early 30s bar one who is mid 20's)

It makes me so mad! I know it shouldn't but I could never do that, by that I mean talk on group chat about being out without one person!
I'm certain that they have their own group chat as well so they could just that on there

Sooooo... Clearly I'm stepping waaaay back now. But how can I do it with grace rather than a rant about how cruel people can be.

Also one of the women is bullied alot in her work life and excluded.... But I guess if your at the heart of the group then it's fair game.

I don't really have many friends, just acquaintances really and I'm ok with that. It's things like this that piss me off.

That’s really shitty behaviour

They are behaving like school bullies OP, and while you are better off without them in your life I know how hurtful this kind of rejection can be . Just like when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy, the same goes for these catty little covens. Just block them OP, they would love to know they've got to you.

They often message each other through days/nights out instead of interacting.

Do they actually like each other?

You've already unfollowed so I'd leave it at that. I would leave the group chat too but in a week or so. I wouldn't want them to think they'd hurt me so I edge out when a little time had passed.
Live your best life. Be happy and don't look back.
I totally agree that women often exclude one person to feel closer. It's weird and nasty. They aren't worth your time.

Delete and block on everything, you will feel empowered!
They don't sound worthy of your friendship.

It’s shitty, petty, ridiculous behaviour.

You deserve so much better than this and you have different values from them, thank God!

You can’t change them but you can change you. It always hurts to be excluded and it will sting a bit but you do not need these bitchy women in your life. Find a new tribe and ditch these nasty ones.

OP don't you think it's sad and very revealing that they can't spend an evening together without having to plaster it all over social media? I can't remember the last time a friend posted something we've done together on social media. We're usually too busy enjoying what we're doing and enjoying eachother's company to even remeber to take photos for our own memories. I always assume people who can't even go for a pub lunch without hashtagging their besties (grown women!) are really insecure and dissatisfied with their lives.

The social media obsession is definitely a red flag for these kinds of friends, MinaPaws. This group I recently stopped spending time with was like that. They posted everything single thing they did up on Facebook. It was actually kind of funny in retrospect. They had two different styles of sharing - the 'queen bee' popular one shared everything in a 'hashtag blessed' way while the attention-seeker in the group shared everything in a stealth-boasting kind of way - 'so hard flying longhaul with kids to this amazing holiday destination'. It was tiresome.

People like this are all about attention. They are needy. That's why they have these friendship groups where everyone does the same thing and checks in with one another on group chats all the time. They need that reassurance in life.

I bumped into one of these former friends a while ago and she name-dropped for the entire five minutes I spoke to her (I pretended I had to rush off to get away from her), trying to rub my nose in it that this group is still all hanging out together. I don't care if they are. I'm quite happy not to have to get 2 million pointless group messages a day and endless social media drivel

They do sit on their phones alot! In group settings which I always thought was rude.

However since going to meetup I have seen people on their phone almost the whole time - then saying they have had an amazing time

I'm definitely gonna distance myself, I liked doing things with them. However it's all very superficial.

There is one woman like I said who is clearly getting bullied at work and most likely has MH issues because of this. Any talk about what we can do to support her ends in 'she'll be fine'

I have tried to help/offer support but she doesn't take it, which is fair enough.

I think I just get so frustrated because these types of people seem to have loads of friends, but I guess when you blindly go along with the crowd you're well liked

I've been googling exclusion a lot recently. I won't bore you with why as tbh, it's too late, I handled it all wrong. But if it happens again I will put the person on notice. This is a strategy. It may or may not work though because you need to be in their company to make it work.

The next time you're all together, make the hidden obvious ie, saying cheerfully, ''oh am I invited along next time you go out?'' and put her in the position of having to say yes. She will say yes if you are bold enough to ask her outright. She cannot publicly admit that she intentionally excluded you.

Even though I handled my Wendy wrong by initially trying to rise above it which just signalled that I was a door mat, I did change my focus which helped. I focused on individual relationships and being well liked rather than popular. Middle aged queen bees still needing validation are to be pitied

I think blocking the lot of them on facebook is probably better. Focus on individual relationships. It's amazing how the dynamic can change. One person leaves, another joins, seating rearrangement, promotion, somebody gets pregnant.... a clique you thought would be the death of you can dissolve.