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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my police complaint wasn't kept confidential?

200 replies

sowsomeseeds · 02/09/2018 12:34

Name changed as v v outing.
A few months back I made a complaint against a Police Officer
PC was a friend of mine
They were making comments which made fun of people with disabilities on social media and I couldn’t do with the drama of confronting them directly.
Basically just jokes and memes etc on their social media.
Rightly or wrongly I filled in an online crime report form anonymously, with dates things had happened, which social media platforms etc.
I didn’t think they should be in a position of authority if they were happy to belittle the most vulnerable members of society.
Within 3 weeks the PC and 3 of their closest friends (who were mutual friends) have all deleted and blocked me on social media and refuse to talk to me.
Do you think that my details were given from the complaint (IP address maybe?) or could they tell it was me from my mobile phone.
I 100% made the complaint anonymously.
Have they just guessed or presumed it was me?
I’m worried that my details have been given even though I reported it anonymously and asked to stay anonymous and it is going to cause repercussions for me.

OP posts:
Huskylover1 · 02/09/2018 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PattiStanger · 02/09/2018 13:03

I'm not massively techy but how easy would it be for someone to trace another person via an IP address. Wouldn't that need quite a lot of different police departments to be involved and why would they think it was you and not your husband assuming you did the report from your home.

More likely they have had a cull, can you look at their profiles from your DHs account and see if the number of friends has gone down a lot?

esk1mo · 02/09/2018 13:03

they probably have been given your phone number, one way or another. does the person in question have your phone number? or is your number linked to your social media account?

has their friend list went from 400 to 200? or has it went from 400 to 399? that will tell you if they removed loads of people they aren’t close to, or just you.

id complain further tbh.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 02/09/2018 13:04

Yeah they’ve worked out it was you. Not sure how though. I wouldnt imagine the reports get sent to the actual station the PC is at. They’ll get sent to a central department so unless your friend knows someone in that department very well, enough for them to risk their job by providing your IP address, then they’ve just worked it out by process of elimination.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 13:04

why should you care that they blocked you
why didnt you unfriend them?
some sort of morbid curiousity?

esk1mo · 02/09/2018 13:05

northern isnt making fun of disabled people a hate crime? the same way it would be if they had posted racist jokes.

not really what you want from the police is it

ChortleFace88 · 02/09/2018 13:06

The only person who risked their job was the police officer.

If you behave in a way that brings your profession or company into disrepute, then you risk your job. And it’s no one’s fault but your own.

Original poster
sowsomeseeds · 02/09/2018 13:06

But really, if they are confident enough to say this vile stuff in front of 400+ people on social media then they obviously hold these opinions and it will effect the way they deal with people at work.
If they were making these comments and sat in an office doing admin then that’s one thing, but they are dealing with hate crime on a weekly basis and surely if they hold these opinions against people with disabilities then they won’t be in the right frame of mind to deal with these crimes?
Just sneaked a look on my husbands profile and they still have around the same number of friends. Just no longer me!
I’m convinced they know it was me.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 02/09/2018 13:06

" the HR department forgot to/didn’t bother blacking out things like her friends sidebar etc, from there it was easy to work out who had reported them"

Same thing happened where I used to work.

glintandglide · 02/09/2018 13:06

If your complaint was anonymous how could the police find out your details to pass them on? I think it sounds highly unlikely tbh. Maybe they’ve just had a scare from the fall out of your compliant and seriously cut down their social media to “true friends” - by that I mean people they see regularly and can confide in etc rather than risk people they don’t know/ see often reporting them to their employer

(I don’t think you were wrong to do that, I just think from their POV it makes sense to now minimise the chances of it happening again)

PattiStanger · 02/09/2018 13:07

If a number of PCs are involved they obviously don't care about the rules so of course the OP is going to care if they know it's her, who knows what they might do to her.

I don't think the blocking is the problem rather that the PCs might have found out who reported them

Original poster
sowsomeseeds · 02/09/2018 13:07

And no I didn’t screen shot anything.
I just provided a few dates and the things that had been said.
Only 2 or 3 out of the probably 20 comments they had made.

OP posts:
JovialNickname · 02/09/2018 13:08

Sorry to sound like a dumbo as I don't use Facebook, but isn't it obvious that they were reprimanded and told that someone had reported them for their Facebook posts, and as a result they have now changed their privacy settings and culled everyone but their closest friends and family? Doesn't necessarily follow that they know it was you

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 02/09/2018 13:09

why should you care that they blocked you

She doesn’t care that they blocked her! She cares that they are able to tell it was her when she didn’t give her name or tell a single person she had reported them!

Original poster
sowsomeseeds · 02/09/2018 13:10

Yes, I agree if they had culled totally.
But why keep my husband?
And why have 3 mutual friends also deleted and blocked me, whilst keeping my husband, and refuse to speak to me or tell me why.

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 02/09/2018 13:11

OP have you ever made comment to anyone about this person making disablist comments? Either in person or on FB/text/whatsapp etc?

glintandglide · 02/09/2018 13:12

But how would they know it’s you? IP addresses aren’t unique to a person; you’ve said yourself they’ve kept your husband as a friend who is in the same house as you (and your home IP address isn’t permanent anyway; and the Police can’t find out about who might be using which IPs without good reason!)

EvaHarknessRose · 02/09/2018 13:13

I think they would have also blocked your husband if sure it was you.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 13:13

presumably they have learnt their lesson

Tuesdayquery · 02/09/2018 13:13

OP if you made the complaint online anonymously the only thing they would have is your IP address and I can assure you they would not be able to trace that off the record. It takes a lot of paperwork and includes other people to trace an IP address.

I think it's more likely they have taken a good guess and blocked a load of "suspects" but you are just feeling a bit guilty so looking into it a bit more.

LittleBookofCalm · 02/09/2018 13:13

Do you want to speak to them?

PurpleFlower1983 · 02/09/2018 13:14

Sounds like they definitely know it was you but I’m not sure how you would prove the info was leaked.

ChortleFace88 · 02/09/2018 13:14

What do you mean by “refuse to speak to you”? Are they blanking you in the street? Not replying to your messages?

loverly · 02/09/2018 13:15

Tbf this happens in most jobs where you need to be careful e.g. politics, police, teaching, nursing. They risked their own jobs.

They clearly know it was you. I'd send in a formal complaint again because it said it was anonymous and should have stayed that way.

Speaking as some one in those industries, you have training and are told not to be an idiot online. So more fool them.

Original poster
sowsomeseeds · 02/09/2018 13:16

To put it more clearly, there was a social group of maybe 15 of us.
The pc we didn’t have much to do with, as I didn’t like the comments, so we never did anything with just them, but at social arrangements other people had made we would see them there.
The PC and 3 other members of the social group have deleted and blocked myself, but no one else in the social group.
This has now made it uncomfortable if there are invites to events and gatherings.
No one will tell me why I have been blocked, so I am presuming that the report is the reason why.
I have been distancing myself from the pc, but was polite to their face when I saw them.

OP posts:
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