Social media was making me feel like shit during pregnancy...

[RedRoseRobyn]

I only use Instagram. Not avidly, but I did decide to follow a few doula/pregnancy sites as I figured I might learn something. They seem to just be full of women who run marathons, or lift weights, or are down to their pre pregnancy size the day after they give birth. Literally I scrolled through the handful of sites I follow today and other than a couple of posts talking about how beautiful stretch marks are, they seem to just be full of unrealistic expectations.

AIBU to feel like this is just not reality? I am the first of my friends to have a baby and just don't know what to expect after. Even down to whether your boobs really sag or not, or whether it is a massive task to lose weight or breastfeeding makes the weight fall off. I don't know what's right or wrong and would love to hear some normal, non social media magic-esque post birth recovery stories?

I already feel bad that I've only managed a slight waddle for the past month or so...

P.s. I understand why sites post about the success stories. People clearly enjoy reading them and aspire to them. I just can't help but feel I'm going to be an ugly fat mess after pregnancy and for a while to follow...

It only makes you feel like shit if you allow it to.

I didn't feel any pressure to lose weight and I didn't compare myself to anyone else, I didn't have the energy to!!

I feel sorry for younger, more impressionable girls when it comes to the unrealistic portrayal of bodies but at my age (39) I take it all with a huge pinch of salt. I also know that behind that small sliver of pristine living room they've decided to photograph, that the rest of the house probably looks like shit!

So yes, I think YABU, we have to take some personal responsibility for our social media and how it makes us feel.

I breastfed both babies and my weight did drop right back down, especially with DD1, who fed and vomited all the time. That said, it also depends on your age. The younger you are, the more likely you are to bounce back to your pre-pregnancy weight quickly. It also depends on how heavy you were before. As to whether your boobs sag or not, it depends a lot on your own body. Some people do, some don't. I would ignore the social media stuff and just be content with your new baby. Your body is never the same after having a baby anyway.

I've learned with social media that it's essential you only follow people that make you feel good; if these pages aren't, unfollow. Have a look for some mum bloggers on there who share warts and all accounts of what it's really like if it would help.. mother of daughters, unmumsymum, ultimate girl gang and Clemons telford are all realistic ladies sharing their stories.

In terms of a realistic story- days 3 and day 7 were hard for me post birth. My milk came in and I was an emotional prat. I put a lot of pressure on myself to breast feed that I wish I hadn't, and learned not to bathe too quickly as my stitches got infected. Going to the toilet post birth hurt me- my first poo was horrific- but after the first two weeks I became more comfortable.

Things I wish I knew with my first-

• you're learning so you will make mistakes
• really do try and sleep when the baby sleeps
• don't try tight clothes on for a while
• don't weigh yourself
• eat and drink plenty so you don't flake out when breast feeding
• my boobs have been eaten by my girls and I'm left with a sag, yes, but I'm used to tha
• not everyone gets stretch marks. Oil body plenty to feel less insecure about yours.
• enjoy every damn moment and don't worry or compare yourself to anybody else.

Good luck!

I stopped using social media after having children. They do just make you feel crap.

All you see is the 'best takes', and it's not realistic or really representative of life with kids in general.

Post pregnancy body.....well some people are lucky enough to bounce back and have a fairly unchanged body post baby.

However, the majority of people (myself included) deal with having a completely changed body shape post baby.

Saggy breasts, stretch marks, tummy overhang from caesareans, and extra weight I just can't shift.

I have accepted that my body will never look the same again, but it's the trade off you get for having children.

The best advice I can give you is not to compare yourself to others, it will stop you enjoying your own life. They say that comparison is the thief of happiness and it is so true.

Wishing you all the best with your baby x

The problem with all comparison is that every single person is different.

My boobs never got any bigger in either pregnancy, so other than some colour changes they aren't any different to before. (So far, still only 35 weeks with DC2).

In my first pregnancy I only put on a stone and a half. As most of that was baby/placenta/water, my weight dropped quickly, but it took time to get tone back and not be wobbly. This time I'm almost the same, stone and a half on so far with a few weeks to go. However my best friend put on 4 and a half stone and it took her a year and a bit to drop it again.

Just as every baby is different, every woman is different too.

Once you get past pregnancy you get the competitive parenting of who sleeps through, who doesn't cry, who has the most well behaved and helpful siblings etc.

It's not worth comparing to anyone else, you'll only ever find reasons to be disappointed in your own life.

Of course Instagram is not reality. The vast majority of posters are presenting an idealised version of life. They will carefully select their photos and may have used editing software.
Personally I found my breasts have sagged a bit, I’m still a bit over my pre pregnancy weight but that’s due to eating crap for easy energy hits, and my stretch marks are quite extensive . But I think breast sagging and stretch marks are a lot to do with genetics.
If you can walk places while pushing a pram that’s really good exercise.

Every psychological study I've heard reported says social media make people feel bad.

It's best avoided.

Take good care of yourself. X