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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about drunk dh

57 replies

Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 08:22

First time posting in aibu so please go easy! Just wanted some opinions on whether I'm over reacting or not. My dh went out last night for his birthday, we had no childcare so I stayed home with ds and he went out with friends which was pre-arranged and I didn't mind. I told him don't get "throw up drunk" and he promised he wouldn't. About twice a year he will go so drunk he will come home puking and in a right state, normally after big blow out occasions. I asked him not to go that far because he has work today, albeit only for a few hours at lunch time but still, we also have plans to go out with ds after he finishes work. Anyway, he came home at 4am, I was woke by the sound of him wretching and when I steered him to sleep on the sofa (ds was in our bed with me), discovered he'd already puked on the living room floor!!!! He's never done this before, always makes it to the bathroom, so I've been doubly upset as he's got so drunk after promising he wouldn't and he's thrown up in the living room like wtf? We haven't talked yet as he's gone to bed now since I got up with ds but I just wanted some opinions of is this is a "moan and move on" situation or is this a "stick to your guns and seriously argue about it" situation? Thanks

OP posts:
FrowningFlamingo · 02/09/2018 09:21

That 'level of drinking' doesn't sound particularly high at all - depends how much he drinks during his weekly drink at home though. Many people drink on most nights (not that that's a good thing, of course) so having a drink once a week isn't in itself worrying imo.

I'd be livid if my DH puked on the living room floor though.

FrowningFlamingo · 02/09/2018 09:23

In answer to the original question though, for me this would be a moan and move on. But a fairly enthusiastic moan and no hangover sympathy either Grin

81Byerley · 02/09/2018 09:23

The others are probably right, but as someone else who is practically teetotal, let me just say I empathise with you (tee) totally!

Original poster
Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 09:25

wobytide I don't dictate that he only drinks once a week, that's his own choice as he works 6 days a week, sometimes he will drink twice a week etc it varies but usually just once and that decision is not mine and never has been.

However, you are right in that I am a controlling person in other aspects, it stems from severe anxiety and I do try hard not to let it get too over the top.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 02/09/2018 09:28

God, there’s a lot of acceptance of problem drinking on this thread. Drinking that much is utterly, utterly grim. I don’t know of anyone (except a friend who has now been sober for 15 years) who behaves like this. People make mistakes and misjudgements sometimes - but regularly? And throwing up in the living room? With a kid, and work the next day? Not on...

maxthemartian · 02/09/2018 09:29

I'm quite confused at how much defends of binge drinking there seems to be on here at the moment.
A lot of hand wringing about obesity and the pressure it puts on the NHS but getting vomiting drunk is no big deal?

Binge drinking causes a huge amount of health and social problems. I don't think it should be seen as normal or acceptable.

Bluetrews25 · 02/09/2018 09:31

I disagree with PPs. This would be unacceptable to me.
But this is because I have seen end results of alcohol abuse too many times. Slippery slope.
Yes, I am a non-drinking 'killjoy' and happy to be so, thanks.
Watch Adrian Chiles 'Drinkers Like Me'.

Original poster
Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 09:31

I wouldn't call twice a year regular though and it was his birthday after all but I do feel that behaving that way with a child at home is part of my issue. Not that my ds woke up at all but he is a problem sleeper and could have easily woke, if his wretching sounds woke me then it could have woke ds too and to find his dad in that state would have been confusing for him probably and then I'd have been really fucking livid, so it was a risk that dh took being that way.

OP posts:
BuffyBee · 02/09/2018 09:36

Ex Pub Landlady here!
I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Blokes nights out tend to get messy as they're like big kids let loose and he'll be keeping up with "rounds", which is where the problem starts. They don't want to get ribbed by not keeping up, so drink themselves under the table.

He's probably fell asleep in the settee and woke up Mid-puke (I know! Lovely imagery) and couldn't make the loo. If he goes out again (is allowed) with the "boys" tell him to sleep on settee and put a bucket next to it (for emergencies).
If he's a good-un generally, be kind.

maxthemartian · 02/09/2018 09:37

Buffy wtf? Pretty dismal view of men there.

HeckyPeck · 02/09/2018 09:37

I’d be really pissed off that he was sick in the house and that he ruined the next day’s plans. YANBU.

HeckyPeck · 02/09/2018 09:38

Some people have the bar set remarkably low

NoMoreNurseryRhymesPlease · 02/09/2018 09:41

Ah let him have his fun, as someone up thread said, it's hard to hold back when you're out, you've already had a few drinks and it's a special occasion where others are likely to be buying you drinks and celebrating. Puking on carpet not great but not the end of the world. Twice a year is fine, being a parent is tough and everyone needs a release. Nodody is perfect and I guess he is pulling his weight the rest of the time?

I'm also assuming he'd grant you the same opportunity if you wanted to. (Not throwing up on the carpet). I'd suggest getting him to return the favour by letting you do whatever you want one weekend soon (away from the house?) A day to yourself.

And dont forget, he has to live with the hangover today. I'd just ensure he's up and doing his husband/daddy duties - the night off doesn't spill over into the next day unless pre arranged in my books Grin

daytripper28 · 02/09/2018 09:42

Yuck

You are not being unreasonable OP. That is gross.

I might expect a 20 -something or teenager not used to drinking to do this.

I don't think it's 'controlling' (as some posters say) to expect your partner to act like an adult.

Needahairbrush · 02/09/2018 09:45

I agree if you accept this as being alright twice a year; the bar is set extremely low.
It’s student behaviour, and irresponsible if he’s got work today too. He’s probably going to feel like shite.

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/09/2018 09:45

if he doesn't drink often, its quite obvious he cant handle his drink. He really doesn't need to keep pace with his mates and sink 15 pints followed by shots if 4 is his limit. He needs to understand and recognise the signs when he's had enough and learn to say "no".

I wouldn't get too worked up if he's a happy drunk, and cleans his own vomit up.

rainbowstardrops · 02/09/2018 09:52

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all!!!! I'd be pretty angry if DH came home and puked in the living room!
He can go out as much or as little as he likes but you don't come in chucking up everywhere. Grim.

Original poster
Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 10:09

Yes he is a good husband over all and pulls his weight with everything in the house and childcare. He is getting up now and says the rest of the night he just drank beer but a lot of beer and that he has no recollection of being sick at all!

OP posts:
QuarterMileAtATime · 02/09/2018 10:20

Some people have the bar set remarkably low

Agree.

Original poster
Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 10:39

Mixed reviews now, first good lot of commons were iabu but 7 out of the last 8 is ianbu. Well he's getting ready for work now and has apologised and is clearly on death's door.

OP posts:
Vada13 · 02/09/2018 10:44

He’s had a night out for his birthday . Surely his mates would of been buying him drinks . We’ve all got drunk and thrown up at some point in our lives . Just because your t total shouldn’t mean you should expect him to be . Sure he’s feeling vile enough this morning without an earful , he had fun , yes he shouldn’t of thrown up in the living room but surely that wasn’t intentional just to piss you off.

Original poster
Nogodsnomasters · 02/09/2018 10:44

Comments not commons sorry!

OP posts:
SpringSnow · 02/09/2018 10:52

It's twice a year nor twice a week, you need to chill.

Orlandointhewilderness · 02/09/2018 10:53

I'm sorry but I would go up the wall! WTF?! A grown man with a DS who is in work the next day getting so hammered he throws up on the carpet and doesn't remember doing it the next day?! No. Just no. I like a drink (DP doesn't drink) and a good night out occasionally but I haven't got to that state since i was 18 because I have a little self control! To me, YANBU at all OP. I wouldn't accept that 4 times a year in my home.

Userplusnumbers · 02/09/2018 10:54

Bit of a drip feed about his birthday there OP...

Personally, I'd be annoyed, but would move on pretty quickly, especially as he's cleared it up and apologised.

In a previous post you mentioned anxiety and a lot of focus on what could have happened (but didn't) - it is unreasonable to get annoyed about this.

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