First post in AIBU - prepared for a roasting.
Ex expects me to provide all school uniform (2 DCs 6 and 8) and says I am harming the children if I don't adhere to his expectations. He feels as I receive maintenance it is a legal expectation that i solely provide for every aspect of children.
Old arrangement - he gave us £30 per week, paid for swimming lessons, half of all uniform and school trip costs. I would always do the uniform shop, give him receipt, he'd pay half within a few weeks/months depending on whether he was working or not.
He was angry with me last year and started to miss maintenance payments, fell massively in arrears and then dropped to £7pw, stopped swimming lessons, (owes leisure centre still for 2 months of lessons) and refuses to pay half towards uniforms/school trips as before. It has been at like this for over a year now and I'm still owed hundreds.
He has been financially abusing us for years. He is not someone you can reason with and refuses to co-parent at all. Dealing with him is like hitting your head against a brick wall. If I say the ball is blue, he will insist it's yellow and call me crazy.
This is the first year he's doing drop off on first day back to school from summer holidays. I told 2 months ago to make sure he brought his own uniform supplies as I was not his charity anymore but if he wanted to begin paying half towards uniforms I would happily supply. He did not reply. He has just written to me 4 days before term starts telling me I will provide it and because I am the resident parent, his maintenance, no matter how small, means I legally have to. For me his lecture on morality of uniform provision is hypocritical as he expects me to be solely financially responsible for both the children.
Just to clarify I am proud to provide for my children. I go without so they never do. I have worked my butt off to get into a financial position where him dropping to £7 pw wouldn't render me homeless (for context if he had done that just one year before his nonsense started we would be homeless) they have lovely school uniform, clubs, play dates and all normal
stuff adults are supposed to provide when parenting.
I do feel utterly childish and ridiculous for saying to him either contribute or buy your own. Equally I want him to step up - this is not a pick n mix parenting stand and I'm sick of him forcing my hand.
So AIBU?
PS I will not involve the children in this at all - they will never know from me that there is an issue and I will ensure they're emotional well-being is protected from this throughout whatever that takes. They are currently in his care so who knows what he's filling their heads with 😩