MIL and DH

[angelavaldez]

A MIL thread..

Backstory. My MIL cannot stand me. I've done nothing wrong yet she just cannot stand me. When I first met her I used to make an effort, go over etc. I very quickly realised she has no respect for anyone in her family especially me and simply wants to be the top dog which her family enable her to do simply for a peaceful life.

Over the years I've gone nearly NC, only seeing her less than 5 times a year. Christmas, family weddings etc. This actually infuriated her even more that somehow I have the audacity to never see her.

My husband went NC for a while but then dragged back in purely due to FOG. Feeling guilty because it's still his mum, feeling guilty because his brother reminded him of family and whatever.

I know she says horrible stuff about me to other members of the family. Made up lies and other spiteful stuff. Sometimes it gets back to me, sometimes it doesn't.

Today my DH picked up some food from hers, the lamb wasn't fully cooked so he rang her back to tell her. The phone is on loud speaker so I hear MIL say 'well where is she, tell her to put it back in the oven for you'. Now it's bugs me that my MIL never ever says my name, that's how much she hates me. It's always she and her. I asked DH why she does that. Answer, 'it's just her way'. I asked DH that when MIL says she, why can't he say sorry who do you mean, or my wife has a name etc. He says his mum will never change so what's the point. Last time he stuck up for me his brother and Mum threw him out of the house yelling obscenities at him so understandably he doesn't want a repeat of that but by not sticking up for me I feel like I'm just losing respect for him. She shouldn't be getting away with saying horrible stuff about me but she is. The simplest thing he could pull her up is never saying my name.

AIBU in asking DH to do this or should I just let it go?

@angelavaldez

No. No no and thrice no. You do NOT let this awful woman deny you children.
What you must do though is talk and talk some more with your DH and decide exactly what happens when you have your children.
You say onan earlier post that she was not a good mother to your DH when he was a child. Her behaviour makes me feel that she hasn’t got any better over the years and that you would be best keeping your children away fromher. Im sure this is what you want anyway.
Impress on your DH that this woman seems determined to drive a wedge between you and that one day - especially if you have a baby - he is going to have to make a decision and choose between you and her. Because he is not going to be able to have both.

She is not a good parent and she is very rude about you so of course you would not allow your child near her. You cannot allow her the privilege of being granny to your child since she refuses to use your name and slags you off to the rest of the family . Personally I would stand very firm on this - it would be a deal breaker actually. No way would I havevlet my DD anywhere near somebody who is so brazenly , openly disrespectful and vile towards me.

Talk to DH. Tell him you intend to go NC with his mother and that you do not want to know anything about her as you are not interested. Tell him you want children with him as you think he will be an amazing father but before you even start trying you are going to have to insist that he agrees and backs you 100% in your decision to keep babyaway from her as she is toxic and you do not intend to let her near your baby.
Be strong and stand firm.
We all know that if she truly loved your DH then even if she didn’t like you (fir whatever reason) she would pretend because that would make him happy. Why would anybody think she will like a little person who is half you?
Maybe some couples counselling would help your DH to extricate himself from the guilt and for him to break free of her claws and control of him of his own volition.
I wish you all the best and feel free to PM me if you ever need an anonymous vent!

Today my DH picked up some food from hers, the lamb wasn't fully cooked so he rang her back to tell her

Can't quite get past this one