To think that some married women on here think they are better than unmarried women?

[malificent7]

After reading the thread about legal rights, marriage and birth certificates I was struck by the patronising way in which some married women spoke to those who are cohabiting or not married.
True married women have better rights but it was the way in which the relationships of unmarried women were dismissed as lesser and these women were being sneered at.

Someone told a woman who had been cohabiting that her relationship meant nothing and that if you are not married you are single.
REALLY? I am not married but I am not single. I don't even live with the guy but why is my relationship seen as less valid? Some married people hate each other and don't have the guts to leave. Some of the best love affairs involve people who live miles apart.
I don't like the fact that I have to put single on a form . Why can I not be in a relationship?

Ok, If you are married you have some legal rights and security that the unmarried have but shouldn't we question this? Why should we make vows especially if you don't believe in the laws of marriage? Also, it was originally a religious ceremony..I don't believe in God and I am not a commodity to be given away by my dad to another male.

Does it lead to stability? My dp is divorced. The marriage vows didn't stop things from falling apart.

Marriage can be a great thing but the tone in the last thread was old fashioned and practically berated women for not managing to get a man to marry them. Surely there has to be other options if you don't believe in marriage ? It is a patriarchal tradition after all to do with male prperty rights. Also, many men want pre nuptuals as they are now wise to gold digging wives.

I think you can have some marriages which have less love than some cohabiting relationships. Why is one type of relationship more valid? I find it all very old fashioned.

Judging by the number of men who don't leave their wives a dime on divorce, I am not convinced by the stability argument.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

Could the same not be said of building a career in an industry that fails in your 50s? Plenty of miners and steelworkers can attest to that. Everything in life is a gamble. That’s why there should be safety nets and legal protections. Lots of people in all kinds of situations sit smug thinking they’ve covered every angle only to wake up one day destitute.

Not a popular view, but the family unit has contributed to a stable society as it knocks the edges off deviant behaviour and offers boundaries and protections to children.

A friend of mine is a TA and this year in her class there is no one with married parents. Not one child out of 30. This school is also in a very deprived area with one of the lowest academic outcomes in the country.

MaisyPops

No marriage either.

But totally fine thanks.

I know if we ever split that he'd always make sure me and the children are looked after
That was the nastiest shock in my life - how quickly I (and the children) stopped having any importance in ex's life at all as soon as there was a better female prospect on the horizon. A week before he left I would have laughed at the suggestion that he wouldn't go to the moon and back, and sell his soul to the devil for us.

speakout
You've made your informed choice. I have no issue with that at all.

I believe in people having the right to choose whether they want to invite the law into their relationships or not.

(Which is why I dislike unmarried people being quite content to not get married, spouting all the lines and then whining about the law needing changing to give them extra protections and entitlements if their relationship breaks down. Make a choice either way. Deal with the consequence of the choice either way)

A friend of mine is a TA and this year in her class there is no one with married parents. Not one child out of 30. This school is also in a very deprived area with one of the lowest academic outcomes in the country.

I'm not sure what your point is. Are you saying that people in lower socioeconomic groups are less likely to get married before having children? Or are you saying that there is some sort of causal relationship between socioeconomic deprivation and parents' marital status?

So what happened with that court case saying it was discriminatory to disallow civil partnerships to heterosexuals?

Yes but one court case doesn't mean it's on the statute books yet. Any change in the law still has to go throughout parliament (and then assuming it's passed in both the Commons and the Lords, there's still any administrative changes needed to implement the law)

That court case doesn't mean you can just rock up and get a civil partnership yet!

I don't know or care much if they do or not but I do know that I would rather have my life a thousand times over in preference to living with the pathetic excuses for men some put up with on here. There is no-one in my life sulking, trying to control me, abuse me, being violent towards me, treating me like a domestic drudge, cheating on me, getting so drunk they are peeing all over the house, continually pestering me for sex, not forgetting no ghastly MiL to contend with, the list goes on and on.

If they want to feel superior, go right ahead - I know which I prefer.

*I don't know or care much if they do or not but I do know that I would rather have my life a thousand times over in preference to living with the pathetic excuses for men some put up with on here. There is no-one in my life sulking, trying to control me, abuse me, being violent towards me, treating me like a domestic drudge, cheating on me, getting so drunk they are peeing all over the house, continually pestering me for sex, not forgetting no ghastly MiL to contend with, the list goes on and on.

If they want to feel superior, go right ahead - I know which I prefer.*

All that is not the sole preserve of married people. Plenty have a DP who behaves like this. But of course, there's nothing wrong with being single with no boyfriend/girlfriend at all.

You're quite right of course unmarried women also have DP like this.

Unmarried fathers only get parental responsibility when they register their child's birth.

At least twice a year I have a torturous conversation with a distraught father about why I also need his female partner to co-sign the consent form for their tiny babies forthcoming operation. On at least one occasion I have had to phone said mother on a maternity hospital ward miles away from the specialist children's hospital in which I work. On another when the mother was too ill we had to complete a "best interests" form meaning convening a mini multi-professional meeting at a neonatal unit considered I.e. Unmarried dad's permission while supporting our decision to proceed wasn't good enough on it's own.

The UK legal system isn't really set up for unmarried relationships.

I have no issues with people knowingly walking into this situation (my brother and his partner have done so - both are solicitors) but I worry a lot about the women posting on the relationship board who have naively sleep walked in to giving up their jobs, to becomes SAHP, with no pension in a house they have no rights over.

The sneering is on both sides. I'm at a loss as to why non-marrieds keep raising this topic time and time again, wanting a slanging match or to be proved right, or whatever it is thats behind this banging on and on about it.

If you're not going to write to your MP or pursue setting a legal precedent ie do something beyond MN then it's pointless isn't it

What do you want married women to do - prostrate themselves in penance for you, as if theye rules are their fault?

I'm not married but then I've no wish to be I'm happy and ok with LTR as it is. Hence I don't need to snipe at married women.

Not a popular view, but the family unit has contributed to a stable society as it knocks the edges off deviant behaviour and offers boundaries and protections to children

I am wondering whatdeviant behaviour dp and I get up to which we would stop if we got married.

Also what extra protection being married would give my teenage children

Also what extra protection being married would give my teenage children

A sense of security? A sense of knowing their parents are married & therefore more committed to each other? A good example to your daughter ( if you have one )
I’d be devastated if my dd had children with a man who wouldn’t marry her.

I can’t find the statistics atm, but relationships are far more likely to break down if the parents are not married - well, it’s obviously easier to up sticks/throw someone out when there is no legal glue.

speakout you says it's worked out. How do you know that?

Things can change. It's work so far. Which is great. But that's not to say that your Dp won't turn into a massive twat, leave and screw you over. I am assuming your name is on house etc.

You have no idea about the future.

MistressDeeCee
You see I don't think there's sneering for people who choose to make an informed decision not to marry.

I do see a bit sneering when it's yet another unmarried woman claiming on break up that the laws should be changed because she's been quite happy to carry on unmarried (everyone is free to leave) putting herself in a precarious position and she thinks it's unfair.

At that point a number of people (married and happily cohabiting but deliberately not married) people collectively tend to say 'this is the situation you put yourself in. Why should the law be changed and have legal contracts forced on others just because you didn't bother to make an informed decision/don't like the outcome of your decision?

There seems to be a lot of threads like this at the moment.

There's definitely sneering from women who choose not to marry. There are lots of jibes about pieces of paper, fancy dresses, rings on fingers, etc. Personally I don't give a shit whether or not people choose to be married but I do think it's a bit rich to choose not to and then complain about the drawbacks of the status you've decided on.

VioletCharlotte

I know that for sure.

Our youngest is about to leave for University.
Most of our assets are in my name.
The time at home has allowed me to set up a small business from home working part time.
Currently earning 3 times my OH's salary.

Seems hunky dory to me.

I agree surferjet. It might sound trite, but on the kids’ show Marrying Mum and Dad I’m always struck by how delighted the kids are that their parents are getting married. It clearly means a great deal to them.

Setting a good example- how dare you Surfer How dare you infer not getting married is setting a bad example.

The good example I have set my dd is picking a lovely man like my dp and working hard at our 30 year relationship. She's 13 and not keen on marriage and I couldn't be happier. I want her focusing on supporting herself and being able to identify good qualities and a lovely partner who would suit her eventually should that happen. If she chooses to get married c'est la vie. It's horses for courses.

Just spend 10 minutes down the registry office. It’s not difficult. If your dp is a lovely man he’ll be keen to go. And I bet your dd would be pleased.

Marriage is a declaration of commitment, to each other as well as publicly. Saying “partner” sounds rather businesslike and antiseptic, as a partnership can be dissolved if not financially beneficial.

I’d be devastated if my dd had children with a man who wouldn’t marry her.

Any one else get the vision of the little Britain women who can't stop being sick when offended reading that?

Lol at Irma and her pp about how marriage stops “deviant behaviour”. Please do explain?

@surferjet I'd be devastated if my dd chose to stay at home and facilitated husband's career instead of choosing her own career and independence. I couldn't care less if she gets married or not, it's absolutely no reflection on who she is or what her worth is.