Sister views us as scum

[campingchairheaven]

Expecting to get
Lynched as it AIBU..... so Back history, 4 siblings, lovely parents, eldest sibling is low or no contact with us all. We are nice normal people - eldest is very very wealthy and views that we are all after their money. None of us are skint, none of us have asked for money, and quite seriously it would take hell to freeze and some for any of us to ask for cash.

It’s a massive event coming up, I’m just going to organise it and pay for it. But the eldest is already kicking off and telling my parents off for allowing the rest of us to pay for something we can’t afford. WE CAN AFFORD IT. We are not broke. We can afford to treat our lovely parents for a big anniversary, but they want to do bloody pizza restaurant again. Nothing wrong with pizza - but this pizza restaurant is shit. It’s as if they think that’s what we are all worth. Now the battle is on, to get my parents to do something nice, my parents listen to them, and for some bloody reason believe them.

I’m trying not to drip feed, there has been 20 years of shit between us, she views that she was the eldest and helped looked after us all / she didn’t - she fucked off as soon as mother had the MS diagnosis / she had left Home then, I went to the appointments, she was no where to be fucking to be seen. I was there at the brain scans in London, she was there with theatre tickets for my parents. She hates me, but I’ve genuinely not done anything to ever deserve it / I looked after our mother, I’m the local one / I’m there to provide meals on wheels if they aren’t feeling well, I’m the one who goes to the chemist, I’m the one who goes to the hospital.

I don’t give a fucking shit if I’m being unreasonable - I will throw a party, but my fear is she will persuade my lovely parents that they are not worth it. And that the bloody shitty pizza is all any of us should expect again.

Like a pp said, I'd pretend you've booked pizza and then take them somewhere really nice. That way you sister feels smug and that 'she's won'. However it does not matter if she blows a gasket after she finds out about the nicer event, as it has happened and is all paid for by you already.

I’m afraid your ‘lovely’ parents are part of the problem and I think that’s where a lot of your anger comes from. It’s less that she sees you as less than but more to do with your parents seeing her as more than, despite you being there for them in ways she hasn’t. This is a family dynamic that unfortunately your parents have helped create because they haven’t stood up to her and a shitty pizza restaurant for their 50th maybe the price they should pay for maintaining that dynamic.

Take a step back, getting territorial over this doesn’t help anybody. At the end of the day this celebration should be about your parents not about the competitiveness of their children but you have every right to be annoyed by your parents obvious deference to your their eldest child.

I agree with agent and pp who say that sadly your parents are part of the problem. Why are they allowing your sibling's opinion to dictate the gift that you are organising, particularly if they have nothing to do with funding it? If they would really not turn up to your event on the eldest's say so thats quite sad.

Tough family dynamic and situation, I agree with PPs that your parents are part of the problem here.

I wanted to remind you of Eleanor Roosevelt's wise saying, that "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". A bit of stepping back might be very helpful, all the best.

A lot to think about, our plans have obviously got back to them - first contact in over a year ... today I got an email...... essay..... detailing how it was inconsiderate to the nieces - how would they afford it (um we would pay for it - who asks teenagers to cough up for a family event) & then an essay on how it was inconvenient - clashes with football matches. & the I will call you. We haven't actually spoken in 5 years.

I know I'm a grown adult, but the threat of a phone call... has me running a bit cold. I'm not a wooss in any shape or form, but she has always had a way of breaking through confidences and just setting a destroy button.

In fairness I actually think my parents are afraid of her. When she moved out of home, my mother and I had a mini celebration - I know that's bad - but she doesn't like anyone to have fun - like no fun at all. I don't think it's a taking sides, More a fear - when she goes it's not a burning alight - more of a take down, annihilation.

I'm not going to answer the phone, I've found somewhere and I'm going to book it & forward the details by email. If they turn up they will behave, they don't like to not "keep up appearances".

I do wish that a simple family event was not so complicated. The rest of my siblings are great, and there are a lot of us, maybe that is the problem - we are 6 children and she is the eldest.

A lot to think about, and thank you for your responses, it puts a wider perspective on it / yes my parents are part of the problem - but they are genuinely very sweet - not a rock the boat sort, and I worry that she has shafted them. I'm pretty sure she now owns their very nice home (I'm not worried about inheritance I'd rather they SKI ed it & had fun). But over the last 5 years it's as if she has something on them, and I'm worried that is their home. Wouldn't put it past her.

Just read your update. Be so so so glad you’re not your sister 😂.

I really hope she doesn’t own their house. You can look up the deeds online if you are concerned. They cost a few pounds to obtain.