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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Scared.. am about to get burgled?

61 replies

BananaSpljt · 01/09/2018 20:03

My own stupid fault I know. Been trying to sell quite a high value item on fb for a while now, really need the money and keep getting let down by prospective buyers. Somebody said they could pick it up yesterday afternoon so I gave them my address.

Then they said they couldn't come until 10pm. I said that wasn't convenient (dangerous) but they could come today, said text before coming as I will make sure either I or my boyfriend's home (I'm actually single, live alone with my toddler).

They said they'd come around 7.30. I spoke to my DM and she said was a bad idea - it's a young man, 20 max. Just feels dodgy. So I messaged him this morning saying really sorry but it had been sold. No reply.

From exactly 7.30 somebody has been thumping on my door every few minutes. They've still not left. It's making me so anxious. And my little window in the kitchen is open, though would have to jump over the back gate to get to that, and the window is v little.

Dunno, I'm just really scared. Why would you knock for half an hour if you weren't planning on robbing somebody? Luckily my DD is in bed with me. I'm just waiting for some glass to smash or to hear footsteps up the stairs. Luckily I have a police marker already on my house due to DV so hopefully they'd come quickly. I suffer with severe anxiety as it is. Feel like I'm going to have a panic attack

OP posts:

DanSullivan · 01/09/2018 20:50

OP, this is your anxiety leading you on. That’s hardly surprising, it sounds like a stressful time for you right now. But you can’t go on like this long time. Are you on medication or receiving other treatment for your mental health?

reenchantmentofeverydaylife · 01/09/2018 20:53

I feel very strongly that you did the right thing not answering the door. You're under no obligation to deal with this guy, and you let him know the deal was off before he ignored you and came round anyway - possibly resentfully to give you a piece of his mind for backing out. Possibly so that you'd open the door and he could barge his way in. You just have no way of knowing why he turned up and what he was hoping to achieve.

Make sure everything is safely locked and then get on with your evening. Put lights on, etc. If he comes back, speak to him from inside the house, and ask him not to call again. If his attitude is at all aggressive, call the police.

Hope you're feeling less anxious now

Original poster

BananaSpljt · 01/09/2018 20:58

No. Have tried meds before but they didn't have any positive effect & lots of negatives - my GP used to say that anybody would feel anxious/ depressed if they had my life helpful. I'm not depressed anymore though, that was during a much rougher period. I can usually manage my anxiety pretty well, it's loads better than this time last year when my exP was at his worst. Back then I was crippled with it. It's just been a rubbish week for loads of reasons really, I'm worrying about a lot of things, not sleeping well etc. Am trying to use some CBT techniques/ mindfulness etc. Things will look up, they always do. Thanks for caring

OP posts:

PositivelyPERF · 01/09/2018 20:59

It’s YOUR door.
It’s YOUR house.
YOU get to decide if you want to answer it, OP.

I’m glad they’ve left now. 💐

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/09/2018 21:00

Definitely sounds like crossed wires rather than a burglar, but you were right to cancel if it felt off.

Maybe next time arrange a time when someone else can come around to wait in with you while you sell it? eBay is a pain in the bum.

Original poster

BananaSpljt · 01/09/2018 21:02

*I feel very strongly that you did the right thing not answering the door. You're under no obligation to deal with this guy, and you let him know the deal was off before he ignored you and came round anyway - possibly resentfully to give you a piece of his mind for backing out. Possibly so that you'd open the door and he could barge his way in. You just have no way of knowing why he turned up and what he was hoping to achieve.

Hope you're feeling less anxious now*

Thank you so much. You've articulated exactly what was going through my head. Feel a little less unhinged (and yes, less anxious)! I will do exactly that - off to make myself a cup of tea and put something non scary on the tv

OP posts:

SleepyMcEdie · 01/09/2018 21:03

Can you invest in a doorbell camera so that next time you can see who is at the door. Especially if you are worried about your ex knocking.

keepingbees · 01/09/2018 21:07

I say it's better to go with your gut than put yourself in a compromising position. It's possible this person didn't see the message until later and maybe travelled a long way to collect, hence why they didn't give up very easily. Either way it's your prerogative to not deal with them and better safe than sorry.
Maybe arrange to have someone with you if it does sell again. You are in a vulnerable position being on your own and handling a valuable item/big sum of money transaction from your own home. You could also ask for a bank transfer rather than cash.

babba2014 · 01/09/2018 21:10

eBay has a load of scammers too so just put it as experience and start again. List it locally and say you need to meet at a public place and sell it there. Block the person you were going to sell it too and maybe use someone else's account so they don't know it's you, to list it again.

Original poster

BananaSpljt · 01/09/2018 21:13

Thanks everyone. I will try and get somebody to come round next time. Or my best friend and her boyfriend live close and she sells lots on fb, she'd probably be happy to hand it over for me.

Will look into those doorbell cameras as well, that sounds like a good idea. I was trying to inconspicuously peer out of my bedroom window without being spotted, but my front door is positioned so I can't see much. My DD woke up from the knocking and asked if it was Father Christmas

OP posts:

Monkeypuzzle32 · 01/09/2018 21:15

sounds to me as though you did the right thing, instinct should always be trusted-he may have just been super ken but he may well have tried to barter you down or just take the item without paying you. Knocking on the door for 40 mins is not normal.

GabsAlot · 01/09/2018 21:18

sell it on ebay and add postage and insurance then youve got yourself covered

BlancheM · 01/09/2018 21:21

Totally get it.
So glad you're feeling reassured now OP, switch a lamp or light on and leave it on just for that extra reassurance to show your house isn't empty.
I had some aggressive late night banging on my door at my old house once, it turned out the local dealer had given out the wrong address. Not to alarm you, they soon moved on once they realised their mistake.
All sorts can go through your mind when you're not in the best area and you've been through a lot. But the most likely explanations are innocent ones (or not-quite-so-innocent ones in my case!)

RebootYourEngine · 01/09/2018 21:33

I would make sure every door and window is locked. I would also keep the living room light on and maybe the tv also. Make it look like someone is home.

crispysausagerolls · 01/09/2018 21:34

How do you know it was him?

Duck90 · 01/09/2018 22:02

It doesn’t sound like selling online is good for your health. Take care.

witchy89 · 01/09/2018 22:09

I definitely wouldn't have answered the door either. And I know exactly what you mean about being triggered by someone hammering on the door. My mum had a couple of abusing partners while I was growing up and even now the sound of someone hammering on the door makes my stomach drop. If you had clearly asked that he message you before he arrives, and he had read your message about it no longer being available then you do not need to feel guilty for not opening the door. I have to say though that as soon as you said that you have a police marker on your house for DV I instantly thought it was probably your ex partner! Stay safe!

onetimeposter · 01/09/2018 22:13

You should never give YOUR address for an item that expensive. They could wait till you go out and try and rob it.
Next time arrange to meet in a public place. I have had this so mqny times on gumtree. They get your address then suddenly they cant come or no longer want it.

Bobbybear10 · 01/09/2018 22:15

It’s your door, your house and your item on EBay.

You don’t ever have to open the door to anybody you don’t want to!

Don’t feel bad.

If you feel that speaking to someone about your anxiety would be a good idea then I think you should do that but not because you didn’t want to open your door at night to a stranger you had already told not to come.

Could your ex have seen your ad and got a mate or used a different FB profile to get in contact with you?
Either way if something doesn’t feel right then it’s ok to follow your instincts.

If you start to feel your instincts are over reacting or you start to feel anxious about things that would normally feel safe and normal then it’s time to see your GP etc.

TheMaddHugger · 01/09/2018 22:16

(((((((Big Hugs)))))

ApproachingATunnel · 01/09/2018 22:18

This is why i dont like fb market place. You never know who you might be talking to and i hate when someone asks for address without confirming definite interest and intention to buy.
You should have rung the police, 40mins at the door is not normal. Did they try to message you whilst knocking?

chchchnamechanges · 01/09/2018 22:22

Hold off on eBay until they have a “maximum sellers fees £3” deal. Comes up
Fairly often but keep checking back.

I’m also a woman on my own and don’t want strangers coming in to pick things up.

onetimeposter · 01/09/2018 22:25

I had a friend who used to ask if people could come here to pick uo stuff when she came for a coffee, i said yes a couple of times but got pissed off because she would come round every time shed got a buyer. In the end i fell out with her as she would meet people outside my house and was using my address on fb to do so.

TheMaddHugger · 01/09/2018 22:31

the times I have bought off Facebook The seller had me meet up outside of where anyone lives. Eg. a Coffee shop.

Wayoutinthewater · 01/09/2018 22:32

I tried that once madd - the guy wanted to come to my house, at night to pick up something. I suggested the following day in an Asda half way and was told I was dodgy

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