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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? DS7 friendships

21 replies

NoName2018 · 01/09/2018 19:13

I've name changed for obvious reasons.

DS7 had a friend in pre-school. They had a love - hate relationship one day they were best buddies the next they'd be fighting. Both as guilty as each other.

Things sort of carried sorted itself out when they went into school. Seperate classes they found their own groups of friends. No more issues.

Recently the other boy moved into our estate. DS and a couple of other friends went to his door for him to come out to play. Instead the other friends were invited in, DS was turned away.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 01/09/2018 19:21

Nothing.

Seriously, why would you need to do anything?

Original poster

NoName2018 · 01/09/2018 19:23

Because its incredibly rude and its seperating him from other friends.

OP posts:

RedTulip86 · 01/09/2018 19:27

I would do nothing OP. Yes, it’s mean and shitty but use it as the lesson for DS. It’s not pleasant to comfort child in such situation but pays off in long term how to manage people and to stick to the good ones.

Browntile · 01/09/2018 19:54

Don’t understand the responses so far? Do yuh know his mum? How was it handled in the past with her?

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 19:56

Typical Mumsnet. Ignore bullying but lose your shit if a child is playing recorder at 11pm at night.

Can you talk to the parents? Simply to clarify why that happened. Also ds friends really behaved poorly didn’t they? Very quick to leave him out.

NewYearNewMe18 · 01/09/2018 19:59

You cant force someone to extend an invitation to their house.

TBH, I'd just keep away from the boy. And as above , his mates, quick to drop him weren't they?

They had a love - hate relationship one day they were best buddies the next they'd be fighting. Both as guilty as each other. Perhaps mum doesn't want your boy around as they are bad influences on each other.

Lizzie48 · 01/09/2018 20:02

That's very unkind of your DS's friends, I would never want my DDs to behave like that. It would definitely be worth speaking to the boys' parents, I think.

MumW · 01/09/2018 20:07

I'd encourage/reinforce the old friendship group with play dates/after school activities/dvd etc.

Good luck, friendship issues are always difficult.

JacNaylor · 01/09/2018 20:07

Wow, can't believe people think it's ok to treat a seven year old like that I'm heartbroken for him.
Op could it be that the other boy's parents see your ds as the instigator and want to keep them apart? That's fine if they do as you can't force children to be friends. Awful to invite the others in and not him though. Can you have a non confrontational conversation with the other parents about what happened?

Original poster

NoName2018 · 01/09/2018 20:13

The mum and I never really saw each other. In the past I tried to have a couple of play dates / meet ups but she made excuses and never came.

TBH I think the other friends leaving him out is what hurts the most. I don't know if its worth speaking with the other friends mums.

OP posts:

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:16

That might be an option op.
Could it be the other mum doesn’t see it as a balanced issue and sees your son as the trouble maker?

1CantPickAName · 01/09/2018 20:20

That’s really mean! Your poor son, his friends shouldn’t have left him, are they all about 7? I wouldn’t have let my 7 yo go into a strangers house.

Pringlecat · 01/09/2018 20:24

Sounds like they're not so much his friends, and the other boy's friends... Real friends wouldn't ditch you so blatantly for a better offer (going inside to hang out with someone else)!

I hope your DS isn't too upset. Friendships are hard at that age. (Actually, not sure they ever get easier...!)

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:28

Sounds like they're not so much his friends, and the other boy's friends... Real friends wouldn't ditch you so blatantly for a better offer (going inside to hang out with someone else)!

I agree with this to a point but I’d give these two boys a bit of grace given they are about 7yo, and this is the new kid with a new house and new toys to explore.

Op what about a movie night and invite all the neighbourhood kids including the new boy? Extend an olive branch?

Poloshot · 01/09/2018 20:30

One of life's lessons learnt pretty early.

Beanbag12 · 01/09/2018 20:35

Did you go to the house with them? Seems a bit young to be out knocking on doors on their own? Did you not see what happened?

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 20:40

Beanbag12 in our neighbourhood kids are out from crazy young (4/5!!)

It just depends on the area.

ScattyCharly · 01/09/2018 20:51

Clearly they think your ds was responsible for the problems. As a result they don’t want him round. So he can’t go round. Tbh if I thought a child was responsible for my ds’s misery then I’d not allow them in either. Would you? Really?

Original poster

NoName2018 · 01/09/2018 20:58

The parents most certainly seem to be laying the blame of stuff with DS. Nursery most certainly said they were as bad as each other.
However kids grow and mature a heck of a lot between 4 and 7. Surely you give kids a chance to grow and learn?

OP posts:

NotTakenUsername · 01/09/2018 21:20

Op I have to admit there is one child from nursery days who is still not allowed to come over for a play date. The friendship has improved, but they caused so much misery and I couldn’t be impartial if I had to deal with some sort of drama. Maybe in a few years more, who knows, but not yet.

However, I wouldn’t leave them on their own on my doorstep and invite their friends to come in. That’s very spiteful.

bridgetreilly · 02/09/2018 09:15

Right. I'm not saying what the other kid's mum did was okay. Just that there's nothing you can do which is actually going to change or improve the situation for your DS. It's up to her whether she wants her son to be friends with yours or to have him in her home. The best thing you can do for your son is explain that not everyone will always be friends and not make a big deal of it.

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