AIBU to prefer to stay in a hotel?

[Liquoricelake]

I'm making arrangements to see a friend in a different part of the country and she seems amazed and a little put out that I've chosen to stay in a hotel while visiting. I appreciate her very generous offer and have made that obvious, but I'd still much rather stay in a hotel.

Staying with her would mean her kids being turfed out of their room for the 4 nights and I remember how much I hated that as a child. Also I'm autistic and need a lot of space. (She knows this). I'm a grumpy bugger when in sensory overload and never feel that I can truly relax when in
someone's home. Plus I hate feeling that I'm putting them out and making them feel that they have to change things to suit me.

So, AIBU?

Not being unreasonable at all. I'd feel exactly the same way in that situation. Enjoy you hotel!

Not at all. When a friend comes to visit me, she stays at a B&B. We've found that suits us both. We each have our own space to wind down at the end of the day, and can breakfast/shower/get ready at our own pace in the morning.

Completely understand. I'd be the same in those circumstances, i.e. stay in a hotel.

Yanbu. Personally I don't like staying at other people's houses, I can't relax properly and just want to go home.

Hopefully she will understand where you're coming from.

YANBU. It's a personal choice.

My SFIL is the same way. When he and MIL and their younger kids came to visit Hubby and his ex after DSD was born, they stayed in a hotel. If they're able to come visit us at some point I expect they'll do the same. Wouldn't bother me as I recognize it isn't personal.

I'm glad to hear that others feel the same way. It really isn't personal and hopefully she will understand that. It doesn't matter who I'm visiting or even if I'm only staying for one night I'd much rather stay in a hotel.

She's very sociable, unlike me, but she has two young kids and a baby who will be only 4 months when I visit her, so I thought she'd appreciate the space, but apparently not.

I'm also planning on visiting some tourist attractions while there so I'm not planning on spending every minute with her, and while she's lovely and I'm looking forward to seeing her and taking her and her family out for dinner and maybe doing something with the kids. I think that we'll get along much better if we have sufficient space. I'd go mad if I didn't.

I’m with you. I might stay with a friend overnight for just one night, even though I wouldn’t really relax , but any more than that I’d rather have my own space.

I’m an introvert and just prefer to be able to switch off at the end of the day, not to have to be sociable for hours on end!

My SIL was most put out when I chose to stay at a local TravelLodge instead of their house once, but I just prefer to be able to escape when I feel the need! And especially as you want to visit the local area, not just your friend it makes sense not to stay with her.

I recently stayed with my aunt when I was going through a tough time. I’d planned to stay two nights but I slept really badly (and she only had de-caffeinated tea so I was going through caffeine withdrawal as well as the original heartache!) plus being away from my home and my cats, I just wanted to get home after the first night. I know she was disappointed but I hope she understood that it wasn’t a reflection on her, just that I need my own space, especially when I’m down. Having to put on a happy face for your host is hard!

I'd feel the same. It's good to be independent, you can get up when you want, make tea, bathe without other people around.

Your friend will come round and may even appreciate your decision when it all happens.

I always avoid staying in other peoples houses wherever possible. Much, much rather a hotel to wind down of an evening and to get ready in of a morning at my leisure.

YANBU, especially given the reasons. Just hope it is not too far away.

It definitely won't be too far.

Of course YANBU and with you being autistic she should definitely understand/ Even without autism if they can afford it most people much prefer to stay in a hotel. So nice to have a bit of space and to be able to kick back and watch whatever TV you want for an hour and not have to worry about how long you're in the shower for.

For some reason whenever I'm staying at someone's house I always need to pee about a million times in the night and I'm never sure if I should flush and potentially wake them all up or leave it there for someone to find in the morning!

YANBU at all

I only like staying with very close friends or family, and even then it can be awkward. I really dislike staying in a kid's bedroom, it seems so unfair to turf the child out. And a sofa bed in the lounge means you have no private space. I also dislike pets jumping on me or children wanting my attention all the time. Then the awkwardness over the bathroom, do you flush the loo at night, are you using too much hot water?

I think all houses ideally should be designed with a small guest room (complete with ensuite). Otherwise guests inconvenience the family and disrupt routines, and feel awkward due to lack of privacy.