DH interfering in professional Life, AIBU to tell him off?

[littlemisspigg]

Long story short, everytime I have any trouble or winge about my work, my DH takes it upon himself to sort it out...his idea of sorting out involves being rude to my colleagues, telling them what I need done etc. Unfortunately our professional lives do cross and he is in a position to get in touch with my colleagues directly. I have hinted several times that I do not wish this, but he has continued and, not surprisingly, caused the situation to become worse. Finally had an argument with him and told him in clear words that I do not want him to do such things and that it maybe his idea of helping but it just ends up making things quite unpleasant for me, and that if he continued, I would start doing the same to him. So here we are not speaking to each other and him in a big huff. I, at my end, have decided not to confide any work issues to him and pretend all is brilliant at work all the time. All advice will be gratefully received. I do understand that in his immature childish brain, this is a great way to help. At my end I feel he crosses the fine line between helping and interfering.

@NadiaLeon, good question...there are bits I absolutely detest about him and then, there are bits I love...I suppose like most things in life....he's a good caring dad, but some things he does, make me want to throw him out the window (example above)

He sounds like a macho controlling bully.

Totally unprofessional of him and undermining if you.

I can’t think why you merely hinted before. You need to be clear and direct.

And don’t engage in passive aggressive tactics like saying ‘all brilliant’, say ‘I am keeping a separation between my home and professional life in order to remain professional at work so won’t be discussing it’.

How on earth does he think he has the right to weigh in like that? He is treating you like his dog that gets growled at in the park, or like a child. Controlling and insulting.

Serious problems.

How embarrassing. He need to understand he is totally undermining you at work. You are not a child and he has no business interfering.

I was once contacted by the parent of a member of my team. While I found it funny, i still think of he man involved as a little boy!!

If your husband doesn’t understand why he shouldn’t be doing then he is an idiot, and he sounds like he has very little respect for you.

Your colleagues must hunk this is a very bizarre situation, and that your husband is an abusive sexist bully.

Hunk = think!!!

I'd be furious if DH did that. Does he think you're 2 years old.

Stop telling anything about work and tell him why you've stopped telling him.

If I was one of your colleagues, I would have been in contact with HR by now. I wouldn't be surprised if your DHs interference had already been noted at a higher level.

He's a child who tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.

I don't think it is normal to detest aspects of the person you love, no. To find things annoying, or their personal habits infuriating, yes. To detest quite major elements of their perosnality and behaviour, not really.

Since you do have dcs, let me ask, does he sulk, rage and throw things in their presence? That's a horribly disfunctional example to be setting and atmosphere for them to navigate (which they will learn to do, potentially to their own future detriment, as they'll perceive abusive men as normal).

I can't help but think of a post I read on here about a dad who threw things when angry. The poster was a friend of his dd. The two of them entered the house one day. The dad was having a rage and throwing things. A knife or tool of some sort went into the dd's eye.

"Detesting" isn't part of a healthy relationship, OP. Nor is his behaviour. Nor, sorry to say, is your tolerance of it.

Tell him that he's not your dad, you are a grown woman who can sort out her own issues at work. I would be thinking long and hard about whether you are equal partners in this relationship. It sounds like he may think differently about that than you do. He sounds controlling and yet immature. Tell him to grow up then you think about whether he really enhances your life. If not, then move on.

I think this is really the tip of the iceberg OP.

What on earth do management think?

And why do you put up with that behaviour in front of your children?

He is deliberately humiliating you. He clearly gets off on making you look like the helpless little woman, and then stroking his own ego by taking control away from you. The fact that you have told him repeatedly to stop doing this yet he persists is just shocking. He actually WANTS to make you look like a fool to your colleagues. How you can be married to him is beyond me. Honestly, you need to have more respect for yourself.