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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sex after controlling ex... I

3 replies

Highheels1 · 01/09/2018 01:11

Hi all 🙂, I’m not sure whether i need a kick up the ass or if I’m just being unreasonable. Or perfectly normal?!

Not sure if relevant but only recently (June) went NC with ex of 7yrs - engaged not married (very intense, unhealthy and very abusive at the end) we mutually broke up a yr previous to NC but was “amicable” ringing me 1-2/week chatting/checking up on me/probing etc. Hence recent total NC.

I have now met a New Guy and we have now been on several dates, we both really like each other and sex is naturally on the cards... i find myself feeling like a sudden prude! Not wanting sex or physical contact yet. Just this alien feeling of being “not ready”. And not excited.

I really like him.. I can see it being a very serious relationship tbh and I feel for this reason I am holding back. It feels too soon, however there have been about 8 dates now and another one tomorrow!! 🙂😬 It’s going to start getting weird unless I do something or say something!!

For the sake of full disclosure: I’m not a prude. I slept with lots of guys (far too many tbh esp in my youth) and have had 3 good tlong-term serious highly sexually adventurouss kinky/bdsm relationships (over 5yrs each) since then. Never had this before!!

So have any of u found it hard to get back into the “saddle” or perhaps is there just a bit of chemistry missing between me and New Guy?

Is it just me? Am I being unreasonable?

Thank you! (Be gentle please; my first thread!) 🙂

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 01/09/2018 01:14

Why don't you just have respect your instincts and take your time? There is no reason to rush. Enjoy yourself and stop putting yourself under pressure.

Highheels1 · 01/09/2018 01:15

Sorry duplicate! Ignore!! Not sure how to delete!

OP posts:
Highheels1 · 01/09/2018 01:17

Thank you kitty. You’re right i know. It feels like hard work tbh

OP posts:
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