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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I bother divorcing him?

7 replies

thepoweroflove · 01/09/2018 00:25

Basically we separated over 5 years ago (stopped living together) were on/off but was always doomed and he's a wanker

He lives with another woman and hasn't bothered to have contact with his child or ever introduce his new woman he cohabits with to his DC in almost a year

So, there's nothing to stay married for but it's very uncomplicated- no assets, money etc to split as that's all done long ago. Only contact to sort but all my offers have gone unanswered so I guess that's that sadly for DC. I can't force him to be a decent father, so absent one it is.

But should I bother actually divorcing him? Would it really benefit me anything at all? I don't feel "married" and he has no claim to anything of mine etc now. If I hypothetically met someone and wanted to remarry it wouldn't take that long to sort later on from here would it?

My solicitor suggests I get on with it... I just don't know if I can really be bothered (I've moved on emotionally, physically, just feels like paperwork etc) and time e.g. I would have to apply for the petition and apply for my marriage certificate as ex has the original

Would you bother in the circumstances or just hope he might get around to it due to the new partner at some point?

I'm far more bothered he won't see his DC but there's nothing I can do but support them till they can ask him for themselves why he has walked away from them for some woman he had met for 5 mins before he cut them off (prior to her he did turn up to contact, infrequently but they still had something)

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 01/09/2018 00:41

Well would you want him to potentially make decision if something were to happen to you as he is still your legal husband he could make things difficult so I’d start the divorce proceedings ASAP

daphine2004 · 01/09/2018 00:42

I would divorce him. He would always have a claim on your assets if not. For instance should you receive a windfall (lottery win) etc. He would be able to petition you in the courts. It would be easy to divorce as you’ve been separated for more than two years.

If do it just to move on, but think about your legal advice and do what’s best for you in the circumstances.

ColdCottage · 01/09/2018 00:43

Yes! Things could get messy if you died, went into a coma, want to remarry and he decided to make it difficult. Just get it done and forget about him he sounds terrible.

BlueBug45 · 01/09/2018 00:54

and he has no claim to anything of mine etc now.

Legally being your husband he still has, so divorce him asap.

While you have nothing now if you inherited any money or won the lottery, he could work out a way to claim some of it and even if he couldn't he could definitely make your life hell trying to claim some of it off you.

If you end up in hospital seriously ill he can prove he's legally your next of kin and make decisions you don't want but are unable to object to.

Getting marriage certificates isn't hard it just takes a few weeks - www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate

Then once you have a copy start the divorce and ensure you get a consent order included in it so you can't claim anything of each other.

He may be a CF, not reply to the petition or play games with the paperwork, so the divorce is dragged out for nearly two years due to his inaction and the delays occurring in some divorce courts.

thepoweroflove · 01/09/2018 01:33

Thinking about it he did issue me with a petition I think a few years ago but I never signed it at the time (this was back when I stupidly kept taking him back) and he told me not to sign it and destroy it

As I've technically done nothing... if I didn't do anything more would I be divorced soon based on that or do I actually have to sign something before that can possibly happen?

I don't think he'd know or turn up if something did happen to me... he may bother to pass a message on to my dad to let him know but I doubt anything more than that would cross his mind. I haven't got him listed as next of kin on anything medical now I don't think

Guess I probably should bother...

OP posts:
longwayoff · 01/09/2018 05:36

Definitely divorce asap. Had been separated for so long I'd forgotten we were still married when xh suddenly served me papers. Excellent but why now? Relative had left him money he suddenly realised I'd have a claim on. I was pleased to get rid of him but, had it been the other way round, he'd have been after every penny. Divorce! Hope you win the lottery afterwards.

maddening · 01/09/2018 06:05

Def do and make sure that you get a clean break order to ensure that he does not have any future claim eg pension or lottery win

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