Sometimes 'Ghosting' is the only way

[dazedandconfused18]

I've read a few posts recently where people have been upset about being 'ghosted' which as I understand it means a friend or relative stops contact without giving a reason. Whilst in most cases I would agree 'ghosting' is unkind and would leave someone feeling hurt and bewildered (and I'm not suggesting that is anything other than the case in recent posts) but it is in fact something I am doing and this is why...

When you realise a friend or relative does not reciprocate your care or respect, from painful experience you learn that trying to resolve issues is futile and anything discussed will only lead to a whirlwind of drama, twisting anything said and dragging in as many flying monkey's as possible and in consequence waste a lot of your time and emotion.

AIBU to think the only thing sensible thing to do is quietly walk away, it's not to be unkind to them but to be kind to yourself.

When I realisedy so called bff didn't approve of our dc spending time together and I didn't want to put us both through the discomfort of it being confirmed I ghosted her.
3 years ago.

With a friendship though, the ''contract'' is less defined than in a relationship. I think if they're not contacting you and you're not contacting them, that's a slow fade not a ghost. A slow fade is not cowardly imo. Go for it.

I don't think that's an accurate example of the ghosting people get upset about.

It's where the ghosted party has done nothing wrong, but the ghoster is too much of a coward to say they aren't interested.

Ghosting normally means you have been dropped with no idea what’s happened or why. If you’ve had a falling out or there’s tension you would expect there might be fallout, so it wouldn’t be ghosting if one party stopped contact. But if you have no idea what you’ve supposedly done wrong, it can be quite hurtful to be dropped from a loved one’s life out of nowhere.

You’re free to do what you please and handle your relationships in your own way. But if you stop talking to someone out of nowhere you need to expect they will try to contact you to find out why.

I did it with a former friend - but I’m convinced he knew why. He refused to understand that an adult won’t deal with any old shit.

Thanks for the responses, I'm being accused of ghosting when I'm really just trying to make a tactical retreat for a peaceful life (family member so not as straight forward as a friend). Nothing has happened specifically it is long cumulation of events which has made me think I just don't need this person in my life. If I try and explain why (even in a tactful way) there will be a huge drama (and no win as it won't make a difference), if I walk away then I am 'ghosting' and causing 'untold upset' to them. Hey rock say hello to the hard place!

Sorry I think this is more of a 'get it off my chest' than an AIBU, just not sure how to play it and any advice welcome!

Ghosting, NC.

Tomato, tomartoe

I had to ghost someone not that long ago. They were not getting my hints about why I couldn't meet up etc. and it was becoming too much for me. They too were a drama llama, and I just though in the end, why do I need to cause myself and them added stress by thrashing it out with them about the truth? I dunno. It's not ideal but necessary in some cases. My ghostee would have protested and made much more drama had I been honest and I just didn't want it. It might be harsh, but if they'd just bloody got my hints and not insisted so much, it wouldn't have been necessary.

I don’t know your family member, but it sounds like he’d be dissatisfied either way. Sometimes you have to accept that there are people in your life that you can never satisfy.