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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to tell me if you’ve ever had a bad vibe from someone and been proven right?

78 replies

ethelfleda · 31/08/2018 20:56

Have you ever met someone and felt that something wasn’t right with them? That they give off a bad vibe or get your spidey senses tingling? But you can’t quite figure out why? And then been proven right?

I’m asking because I’ve had this with a new co-worker (and experienced it before and been proved right)

I’m just curious to see if any of you have a sixth sense about such people!

OP posts:

Licketysplits · 31/08/2018 21:51

Years ago worked in a bank, new girl joined took an instant dislike to her, everyone else was like awww give her a chance she seems nice. I left not long later. A few months on I bumped into an old work colleague who told me she'd been sacked for stealing money from the tills. I bloody knew she was a wrong un!

Cauliflowersqueeze · 31/08/2018 21:53

Actually quite often I meet a person and think how nice they are and then find out later that they are horrible.

mydogishot · 31/08/2018 21:57

Yep but I did work at the BBC.
Not surprised by any of them.

PigeonFromHell · 31/08/2018 22:00

Myself no, I have no intuition for this sort of thing and rely heavily on DH's skill in this.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 31/08/2018 22:01

Yep, a friend of mine refers to me as the canary in the mine, because I always get 'feelings' about people/situations. They used to ridicule me for it, or think I was mad. Until I pointed out that every person I'd had a 'feeling' about had turned out to be a problem, one way or another.

Some people I can identify exactly why I'm uncomfortable with them. Other people it takes a bit longer, or the indicators are so tiny that to say so publicly would make me sound mad & paranoid. But when you get that feeling, it's for a reason.

Saracen · 31/08/2018 22:03

Not me - I am very unintuitive and frequently meet people I quite like, only to discover later that they are awful. Or vice versa. - couldn't stand my dh when I first met him, but we've been together happily for nearly 30 years now!

My dh, on the other hand, is very good at sensing creepy or dodgy people. It drives me mad, because he always justifies his intuition with the use of some sweeping highly prejudicial statement. I have a good long PC rant at him about how he can't possibly judge someone based on a 30 second conversation and assigning them to some category based on their appearance or background. Then he's proved right, again and again.

PawneeParksDept · 31/08/2018 22:04

Loads of times

A new woman started at my work in around March but came for a tour around Christmas, I just felt really uncomfortable instantly and I've had nothing but grief from her since she started.

Years ago I got a very strong sense that this woman I knew at a community group who appeared really like me - didn't. I ignored it. I ignored it to my cost.

But it hasn't always worked like that.

One of my teachers is now in prison for a sex offence - I never would have guessed his name out of all my teachers in a million years

One of my uni cohort, after they died, I found out an incredible amount of shady stuff about him I never would have guessed.

I think that I have a stronger sense of women with bad intentions then I do men with bad intentions - does anyone else get that?

NymanPerkins · 31/08/2018 22:05

Read ‘the gift of fear’ by Gavin Becker learn to respect your instincts.

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2018 22:07

I want to tell you you’re being unreasonable... but experience says otherwise.

Sometimes I initially think people are nice and then realise they’re twats. If I dislike people on sight, I usually realise I’m right to do so.

Sparrowlegs248 · 31/08/2018 22:09

Yes. Someone I dealt with at work. Went on to murder 3 people.

Stickybunfighting · 31/08/2018 22:22

I was just thinking about this today because there's a man in my nail shop (owned by a man who is lovely and does fantastic nails and always does mine, another man and 2 women work there but the man in question is the 3rd man) who I am fascinated by, I kind of want to look at him but the thought of him touching me or doing my nails repulses me to my core and I have no idea why. I've been going there a while and it absolutely isn't because he's a man, at my last place I had a man I adored and I went to the husband and wife duo for 10 years. And a man now does my nails very well, I like him. My 5 year old dd loves coming with me to get my nails done but I can't let her come to the new place, I can't stand to think he'd talk to her or me. I really really don't know what it is but I always see him and really want to look but at the same time he makes me feel sick. For no reason! I think the first time I ever heard him speak was today and he seemed nice enough.

HemanOrSheRa · 31/08/2018 22:26

Can I ask the posters who don't get 'that feeling', how do you 'read' people? Do you know what I mean? I find it very interesting! Both DP and me are very outgoing, friendly and accepting people, I think and hope. But DP has NO spidey sense AT ALL. None. We both look for the good in people but I KNOW immediately if someone is 'not nice'.

TowerRingInferno · 31/08/2018 22:34

Yes. My instincts about people are rarely wrong (good and bad). It’s all in the eyes.

The worst one was a neighbour who turned out to be a psychopath. Another was a friend of my parents who everyone thought was lovely. He used to babysit for me and never ‘did’ anything but made lots of comments that I now know to be highly inappropriate. My parents wouldn’t have believed me if I had said anything.

Sorry10 · 31/08/2018 22:35

Yes I once worked somewhere and hired someone who was supposed to be amazing I just didn't buy it . I thought she was rude and very sure of herself she was sacked eventually never found out why but it was something offensive ie racist I'm told .

I always go with my gut on people.

softmintmuncher · 31/08/2018 22:36

Not been proven right but I met a kids tv personality recently and he creeped me to the fuck out. He's relatively young and was polite, funny and "nice" but there was something about him that just really, really freaked out.

pinkpantsrock · 31/08/2018 22:38

years ago worked with guy i couldn't stand, everything about him screamed runaway. He turned out to be a pedo and hung himself after being caught abusing a boy. Never forgot and i can't stop thinking if the poor boy

Anotherdayanothernight · 31/08/2018 22:49

Yes, first time I met someone who was engaged to a family member, I told my partner afterwards I didn't like him and felt very uncomfortable in his company. A few years later he murdered his wife...

Gncq · 31/08/2018 22:51

Can I ask the posters who don't get 'that feeling', how do you 'read' people? Do you know what I mean?

I think my "readometer" is probably blown from having been though a sexually/emotionally abusive childhood. I often find myself very seduced by men, but men who end up abusive towards me it's happened more than once.

I am bad at reading people generally so prefer to be on my own most of the time!

HemanOrSheRa · 31/08/2018 23:05

Gncq Thank you. I hope I didn't offend by asking. That makes sense. I hope you have some people around you that care for you .

ItLooksABitOff · 31/08/2018 23:13

yes.

I warned my DH about a former boss of his - he ignored me. I was right.

However, he's also been right about people when I've been wrong.

My latest one is a coworker. Both myself and a male coworker can't stand him - there's something nasty about him. I'm just waiting for the true self to emerge.

Poptart4 · 31/08/2018 23:15

Yep, when i met my ex i instantly didnt like him. There was no reason for this, we had only met for 60 seconds, but he got my back up.

I decided i was being unreasonable and i needed to give him a chance before writing him off. We were working in the same place so forced to spend time together.

We ended up in a relationship but i quickly learned he was a womaniser, abuser and an asshole.

Should have trusted my instincts.

ParkheadParadise · 31/08/2018 23:16

My dd's partner.
I was so glad when she finally got rid of him.
That was short lived.
The evil bastard murdered her.

annikin · 31/08/2018 23:18

Yes! A previous work colleague. Later (after he left) found to be a paedophile and sent to jail...

Cauliflowersqueeze · 31/08/2018 23:23

There are hundreds of micro-movements and gestures that we unconsciously pick up and draw conclusions from. A tiny sneer, a glance lasting a milli-second too long, a barely-visible half eye roll, a fleeting grimace. But I think part of people also wants to have “more evidence” before they write people off and that can cause you not to trust your instincts.

welshmist · 31/08/2018 23:24

Yes a few times one was a man who came into our workplace gave me the horrors, he murdered a child and was suspected of murdering more children.

Another was in a babysitting circle, the husband gave me the creeps, one night he went berserk with a knife he killed the dog but the wife and children escaped. Just being in that house gave me the willies.

A third one the wife is lovely the husband gives me the creeps I am just waiting for the second shoe to drop on that one.

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