to have just realised I'm incredibly ugly?

[magicleek]

I turn 29 tomorrow and I'm feeling really down about it. Not just that is the last year of my twenties but me and my ex split up last month - it was mutual but he's moved on already and I'm alone.
We were together for 10 years - I had a few boyfriends before but nothing serious so I thought he was the one but now I've found myself single and alone and I have realised my looks have faded, make up doesn't sit on my face the way it used to, I've got crappy skin, I've put on weight I think I was just so comfortable with him I really let myself go and didn't notice until I went out with some friends last night, I looked awful in the pictures, like I really stood out as the ugly one which I've never noticed before, all my friends were going on at me about finding someone else but after seeing the pictures I think my chances are pretty slim and they posted them on facebook. I just wanted to cry!!!

I bet you're not ugly at all. You're obviously down coz of relationship ending. I get that. My ex partner walked out on me when I was 29 with 2 kids and I thought ugh that's it then plus 30 was looming.
Fast forward 20 years and I m kinder to myself. Atm just back from hols and feeling a bit podgy but won't allow that to put me down.
Get out, buy something nice for yourself and go out with your friends! Have some fun. You are young and fabulous!

Men tend to move on more quickly than women. It’s just how it is. You have to be kind to yourself. Join a gym. Lose weight if that’s what you want to do. If not, don’t. Read some good books, join a yoga class, volunteer....anything to stop you moping.

This too will pass but....10 years is a long long time. It’s like a bereavement and it’ll take time to come right.

Even if you are physically "ugly", "ugly" people get boyfriends and girlfriends too. Thankfully, many people develop attractions and physical chemistry based on things other than just looks (which long-term is a better connection than someone just thinking you're hot to look at anyway).

So if you're a decent and interesting person, you'll be just fine.

What Buggeritimgettingup said. Love that cartoon, thanks for posting it.

I bet you are a lot better looking than you think you are.

Tell me what you like about yourself.

I honestly have not met anyone who I thought was incredibly ugly! And I bet you aren't .... If you were, you would have realised it before now, I am sure. And at 29, you def have youth on your side:)
If anything, it was just a bad photo. But it is normal to feel this way if you have a break-up.
Sorry don't know how to link to another thread. But read the thread AIBU to feel attracted to someone unattractive - it will make you laugh if nothing else. But it does show attractiveness is more than looks for sure!

ok. so you feel n maybe look shitty just now.you could opt for wearing clothes a couple of sizes too wee(it doesnt help),eat alot of chips n hit the drink...(if your gonna settle for that). i might standalone(ok, i usually do cos...people n me arent always a good mix)..but i believe ugly is a thing that comes from inside.anything visual..is fixable. you might not be perfect..who actually is tho...THAT is actually an advantage..think jane from neighbours..(or go back in time)there is nothing quite as uplifting as "getting a new arse"...dont get too ambitious too soon.google your nearest "beautician"course.skip the qualification and volunteer as a model. make up application,proffessionally...is fab..if you land lucky it'll be same venue as hair stylist training.if not..thats next.then volunteer as victim..lol..i mean "model"/participant.every single step is overseen(at worst corrected)by a fully qualified mentor type. you dont have to agree to utter drastic...weightgain/crappy comfy clothes are hand in hand(for me)i cant actually challenge you(cos im still attempting toying with the notion and threating to attend zumba wevertf that is as a vague attempt)but google "make fat cry" do yourself some justice.as whatever her that still seems to end up single says"because youre worth it"...get yourself a pintrest account.look for age relevant makeup,bodyshape style clothes...point is-if youre aware youre not "at your best"your gonny feel like shite.if your as soon into the hell of longterm ended relationship-its more than excess weight that wobbles.fact is...its your life too.licking your wounds isnt a bad thing.unless you get stuck at that,cos that makes it worse.your"one"is you.if you dont love yourself-nobody else will either....i think its alchol anons "mantra"am not suggesting you get yourself down that road..but i like "accept the things you can not change,have courage to change the ones you can,and the wisdom to know the difference".also..am 45...my life impoded age 29. You have so much more to get to......love as much of it as you can.x

I suspect you’re not especially ugly at all. You’re 29, in the prime of life. There is a saying that beauty is wasted on the young!
Before anyone else can love you, you have to love yourself. Work on building that self esteem. Get a bit more toned (exercise also boosts confidence and mood). Forget makeup - it hides rather than helps true beauty. Smile a lot. Force it at first and you’ll find it comes more naturally. A smile is very engaging. Be kind to yourself and others - it’s a very sexy trait.
I’ve never been classically good looking, no long, slim golden legs, no huge, doe like eyes, no full pouty lips, no 34D bust. I’ve never been short of male attention despite being short, rounded and wearing glasses. I chose my soul mate and we’ve been married since I was your age. It’s really not too late. Many of our friends married later than us. I’m older now but still have flirtatious men offering more than a glass of wine occasionally (admittedly it is less frequent now).
You will meet someone but in the meantime focus on being nice to yourself.

OP you are not ugly. You’ve probably neglected yourself for a while and the relationship break up has knocked your confidence as it would anyone’s.
29 was a tough year for me, 30 was fine though! I’m 37 now and also feeling like I need to look after myself a bit more as I’ve been busy with work and kids and feel a bit run down.
Like the others say be kind to yourself, watch some comedies, do things you enjoy, pamper yourself and feeling low will pass xxx

You spent a third of your life with someone and now you need to rediscover yourself. Buy a couple of new things to wear - moving-on clothes your ex never saw you in - get new underwear and bed linen - and believe the best is yet to come. It will be so.

Occasionally when I'm swiping FB with my fat fingers I accidentally swipe on the camera, and get a glimpse of myself. On the sofa, more chins than a Chinese phonebook, looking like an absolute hag. Doesn't help we're currently somewhere hot on holiday and I'm all red and blotchy with frizzy hair.

I thank god for make up and filters OP...!

Ps I'm sure you're a real salty potato, don't be so hard on yourself! Xx

superb.this must be one of the few posts that havent attracted somebody who felt the need to(distorted judgy) rip you../op..to shreds.good

I'm going to be a salty potato from now on! Londonista What a great expression

I am average looking. I used to work with a woman who was a bit of a hippy - used lots of affirmations etc. I pooh-poohed most of it but one thing I took from her was when I approach a mirror (esp. first thing in the morning), I say out loud "I'm a salty potato" "I'm going to like what I see" and I do.

I'm sure you're lovely

Happy birthday OP.

Mirrors are a funny thing; you only ever see yourself in inverted form, so what you actually look like only ever shows in photos and videos. It's completely normal to look at photos and see yourself as uglier as you are, because you're simply not used to how you actually look. I bet your friends would disagree with you being the ugly one in the photo and think about how hideous they think they look.

Take a video of yourself and see what you actually look like when you're animated. You get a much truer reflection of what others see.

If you still think you're ugly then, there are things you can do - weightloss (if you need it), getting toned, wearing better-fitting clothes, a haircut - the latter two almost instant fixes to spruce you up, the former will also work wonders on your skin, especially if you make a point about eating well enough.

Women in their 30s are often described as being in their prime, so embrace the next decade. And good men still come along aplenty at that age :-)

I think photos aren’t always complementary - and you’re possibly near the generation of constant selfies - and women who know how to take them really well. So, I’d ignore photos, that’s for sure.

Why is your skin bad? Is it through smoking? Do you have spots? Whatever it is you can do something about it.

Beauty is only skin deep, and a relationship based on beauty is not going to last. Concentrate on a healthy lifestyle- exercise and diet. If you have some spare time then volunteer. These days we can be too focused on ourselves - look outward and see what’s going on.

What you are feeling is totally normal.

It's bound to be really hard, as you were with your ex for so long, it's difficult to imagine yourself having a future with someone else.

It's such a cliche, but a good haircut and colour, plus new clothes, make up and skincare can work wonders to improve your self esteem.

Oh, and make up / skincare routines need to be altered every few years anyway, those things don't usually suit you the same at 29 as they did at 19.

Take care of yourself OP, and be kind. It's a difficult time.

Have fun with your friends, date without feeling like you need to make it serious right away, and look forward to your future!

Happy birthday OP!

I went through this stage after a breakup, it’s a horrible feeling but please know it is JUST a feeling, there is no truth in it. When you’ve celebrated your birthday and given yourself a bit more time to feel better about the break up, organise some things for you - have a day off and go to a spa, plan a mini break with friends, or even just go shopping and buy yourself some treats. It will do you a world of good to remember the benefits of being on your own before you dive back into the dating world x

Good news is that, at 29, you’re still young. Excercise and healthy eating will help get you back your early 20s body and skin that you say you’ve let go.

Similar thing happened to me at a similar age. By the time my 30th came, I was in my best shape ever - both physically and mentally.

I, too, looked better in my 30s than in my 20s. The best is yet to come, OP!

Everyone looks better when smiling. Force yourself to smile at yourself every time you catch yourself in the mirror- it sounds silly, but it's really helped me feel good about my looks.

Op I've been with dh 14 years married 12. 3 kids together. I let myself go. Got fat, never really had any interest in clothes or makeup. Fell into a rut and felt comfortable but I know i looked dreadful.

I started eating better and exercising. I don't have the confidence to join a gym but got an exercise bike. Lost a stone and try to make more of an effort now. You can make positive changes

Bet you’re not ugly. Like pp said have a month of doing whatever makes you feel good get drunk eat crap etc
Then drink loads of water. Eat less fizzy greasy sugary alcoholic stuff and much more vegetables fruit and whole foods
Get a good haircut a decent skin and eye cream Get your nails done
Maybe even join a gym

You’ll feel much better about yourself and you’ll look awesome

And the next man who comes along will be lucky to have you

What @Buggeritimgettingup posted

Sorry you are feeling down but it will pass. Book a facial, a haircut, get a new outfit or book a makeup consultation at one of the beauty counters (just pick one that doesn’t have someone caked in slap on the counter) or even a manicure. Just anything that gives you a bit of a pick me up. Hope you get back to feeling fabulous soon.

Your self confidence and your beauty come from within.

I am older than I've ever been, greyer, saggier and heavier. At this point in my life I'm feeling the most sexy, gorgeous and liberated I've ever felt!

Get some relaxing beauty pampering treatments, have your hair done. Walk in the trees, sing aloud, seize your moment, you'll realise how beautiful you are.

It's taken me over 50 years but, it's a very special time. It's the balance between cosmetic beauty and radiant beauty. Radiant beauty always wins. Take time to look for it in others, you'll see what I mean