To hate my teenage self?

[veganbrownie]

When I was 15 (in late 40s now) my parents divorced and shortly afterwards my mum came out as as a lesbian and began living with another woman. Around this time I experienced my first bout of depression which I have suffered intermittently since, fell out with most of my friends and my academic grades started to bomb. Recently discovered letters from that year which made me realise these things were connected (yep, slow on the uptake!), how distressed I was (mum ran me down a lot, which I'd also forgotten), and that a couple of sympathetic teachers tried repeatedly to ask what was wrong. I did not take that chance because it felt disloyal (my parents acted like it was no big deal and I was not allowed to be upset cos they divorced amicably). I shut myself off from support and was horrible to everyone; teachers eventually gave up and social life remained pretty awful til my early twenties. DH says I am being too harsh on myself, and I am in fact in touch with both those supportive teachers, so perhaps I wasn't a total shit. But I hate myself for not opening up to them, being appreciative and getting some help, and for generally being horrible to everyone. Feel like socially and academically I failed myself.

What do you think hating yourself will achieve? I mean this kindly, your teenage years are in the past and you - for better or worse- came through as the person you are today.
You went through a very distressing period in your life and felt that you couldn't seek help from adults. This is sadly very common in teenagers and nothing tgat deserves self-flaggelation. Cut your teenage self some slack.

No you aren't being unreasonable.
It is ok to not like who you were.
You do have to accept that you were a teenager though, with depression and going through a really tough time.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
Teenagers don't ask for help most of the time and they are tough years anyway.
You need to forgive the teenage you and praise yourself for being strong enough to come through those years.
If you are still in touch with those teachers write a letter telling them how you feel and how you appreciate them sticking with you and being supportive. Maybe that will help you close that chapter?

You are too hard on yourself. Personally, I think your parents failed you but I’m open to be proved otherwise. Be kind to yourself. I was a crappy teenager too. I did well academically, because it came easy to me. I was a little shit otherwise; angry, fighting with everyone, being a terrible friend, and I had a decent upbringing.

You can't judge what you did when you were a child. How did you know then they were trustworthy? You'd just had a shocking realisation that you thought your Mum was straight and was actually gay. This must have made you question what you thought you knew. You were also told that your feelings weren't valid, so that meant you couldn't share them.
Accept that you made the decision that was right for you at the time. You were lost in an adult problem. You can look back, but only with compassion to a confused and sad child.
For different reasons I have been where you are now.

Thanks everyone, so much. Really helpful responses...it is a relief but a shock that you think compassion is the way to go. I have never opened up to anyone about this because I feel so ashamed and was prepared to be judged harshly here. I think I compare myself to other teenagers I knew, but I'm judging them as someone who did not know much about their lives, perhaps - so helpful to hear from others who were not perfect. MalloryLaurel I hadn't thought about the doubt that my mum's revelation might have provoked. Maybe...it rings true.

Try to maybe look at your situation frim the outside. How would you feel if a friend made the decisions you did in this situation? What would your advice to them be.
I think you would really benefit from talking to a counselor about your past btw.