Aibu to have a bum wiping stand off with ds

[Nousernameforme]

Ds is 4 and off to school next week. So as you do we have been getting him ready e.g. practicing changing for p.e putting shoes on right feet etc.
Bum wiping has been a bit of a battle. He is currently sat on the loo shouting at me to come sort it out. I am in the next room refusing. He can wipe his own bottom and in fact all he wants me to do is sit there and hand him the loo roll.
I think he needs to get out of this habit especially as next week he won't be able to have a ta sit in with him whilst he does.
Am I being unreasonable it's been about 5 mins so far

YANBU. Don't give in now. Could you say you will come and "check when he is finished?

No advice but my dd 21 is starting her first teaching job in reception today - she’s got a shock coming I think. Ahh the days of her coming home with her knickers in a carrier bag (which she vehemently denies)

No help to you though

Obviously not unreasonable, he needs to learn otherwise, as you've said, what will he do at school?

He has given in and done it. He isn't very happy with me now though but I'm sure I'll cope. Those few minutes meant I could quickly give the upstairs a tidy up and his shouting has had the bonus effect of waking the lazy teens up. So all in all I am calling it a win.
Good luck to your dd Heckin

Am having exactly the same issue here.

Ds is also off to school next week. He had a poo downstairs while I was upstairs tidying this morning. Usual shout. Told him to do it himself and I would check when I came down. Little sod walked upstairs naked rather than have a go. Added interest as for some inexplicable reason his poo was green 😁.

I say it's inexplicable but it could explain who ate all the wine gums the other day.

Well done OP! My DD also starting school next week and still needs help with the bum when I am around. I suspect this is laziness though as she was fine at nursery.

I did this a few weeks ago and it did quickly improve, although she tries it on with ‘but mommy, it’s a mucky one!’. Saying you’ll check afterwards is a good compromise for now.

I'm the same with my 5 yr old. problem is when he cleans his own bum he basically smears it up his bum/back/toilet seat...

He probably would just wipe it without a fuss at school tbh. Wouldn't worry too much, they're so different when they're away from parents.

well done him, I think you should give him a prize/ make a fuss, for being such a big boy proving he's now ready for school, doing this task all on his own. That will get over his mood with you sooner and hopefully prevent another stand off tomorrow, mind you the bonus of waking teens is huge

Mm. I don't think I need that last slice of toast with peanut butter and marmite now. Thanks MN.

Frouby has he had bubblegum ice cream lately?? Mine often have this after a trip to the park when they have worn me down to buy them ice creams...also happens in adults from Blue Lagoon cocktails

Really not worth fighting about. If he knows how to do it, he'll just get on with it at school.

@Tiredmummy06 I thought my 4 year old was unique with that! haha

I had a similar stand off with my 4 year old about getting dressed a few months ago. Took about 40 minutes one morning of him lying on the floor overdramatically declaring he was tooooooo tiiirrrreeeeed before he finally gave in and got dressed, and he's done it every day since without the dramatics. Sometimes they just need to realise that it's on them to do it now (seriously, I swear that kid would have let me dress him until he was a teenager given half a chance).

DS2 is now 6yo and still yells 'Daddeeeee..... wipe my bottyyyyyyyy......' when he gets into a sticky situation, as it were. He doesn't like me doing it (and doesn't ask me) as I am a bit rough and say things like 'YOU CAN DO THIS YOURSELF FFS' during the action. Daddy, OTOH, is a softy. He is swiftly learning to be otherwise though as no one wants to wipe their perfectly capable 6yo's arse

Stand off take two. He has settled in for the long battle I think

Not worth a stand-off really. He'll do it at school (or hold off going till he gets home as many children do) and he'll soon (well fairly soon) have no desire to have you in the toilet with him. Not a good idea to make an issue of it.

Agree with Mishappening - toilet angst and serious withholding is not something you want to have to deal with and tbh some kids just aren't quite ready age 4 to wipe themselves well. They'll get there eventually. Obviously encourage wiping themselves but no point getting into a stand off - DS now does the first wipe and we'll do a second (I do often make him wait a minute to finish what I'm doing first)

My nearly 7yo ds still asks at home, but is fine at school. It’s part of his attachment issues. (His need for me to show my care for him) When we have discussed him doing it, he agrees a future time eg it is when he is 7, which is coming up and he knows this but suspect he will try and move the goalposts. I don’t make a big deal of it as I know he will stop when he’s ready. Today we were out at party, he went by himself and after came to take me to the toilet so he could get me to wipe his bum.
As others say, they do it fine at school, but it’s another transition... if you make a big deal of it, it could lead to other issues.
We had other issues to deal with at 4 yo so didn’t tackle this pre school, and it was fine!